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hurtloam
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26 Aug 2018, 11:18 am

SabbraCadabra wrote:
I'm sorry, I wish we could help you.

It's difficult because, at our age, all the good ones are already taken...or if they aren't taken, there's a very good reason for it >_<

Maybe you should do what NTs do, and just try to steal someone from their spouse =)


8O

They don't all do that lol

The thing that's getting to me is that I am actually meeting men, single men, and I'm willing to give them a chance because they're all great in their own way, I've actually not met many total weirdos. But no one wants to give me a chance. Sigh.

If we are being serious on the spouse stealing. I couldn't do that. I'd never trust the guy. If he cheated on her he'll cheat on me. Also I've had friends who have been cheated on and it really, really hurt them. I'd never do that to someone... I'll be honest, I've been tempted in the past, but walked away.



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26 Aug 2018, 11:34 am

I can relate.....I'm 34 years old, been through a divorce and had a bad dating experience after. My ex-wife left me for another guy and took off with him. One girl I dated after that did the same exact thing. I'm done right now trying to get into a relationship because there's too much emotional involvement that is needed and I don't have the energy for it.

I've been telling myself for years that IF I was supposed to have a child.....it would happen. It hasn't happened so I'm accepting that a child won't happen unless it's meant to. That's the way I'm looking at relationships. They can be overrated! Love will come if it's meant.


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HighLlama
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26 Aug 2018, 1:48 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The thing that's getting to me is that I am actually meeting men, single men, and I'm willing to give them a chance because they're all great in their own way, I've actually not met many total weirdos. But no one wants to give me a chance. Sigh.


What are you like in those interactions? I only ask because I've had bad luck when I'm anxious and in people pleasing mode. Something I still work on, but have gotten better with. When I can deal with emotions and be in a good emotional state, and am comfortable with myself (i.e. not people pleasing), I actually find women approach me.

Granted, I look young, so some are in high school. And sometimes I attract high school boys. But, at least it's flattering.



hurtloam
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26 Aug 2018, 1:54 pm

HighLlama wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The thing that's getting to me is that I am actually meeting men, single men, and I'm willing to give them a chance because they're all great in their own way, I've actually not met many total weirdos. But no one wants to give me a chance. Sigh.


What are you like in those interactions? I only ask because I've had bad luck when I'm anxious and in people pleasing mode. Something I still work on, but have gotten better with. When I can deal with emotions and be in a good emotional state, and am comfortable with myself (i.e. not people pleasing), I actually find women approach me.

Granted, I look young, so some are in high school. And sometimes I attract high school boys. But, at least it's flattering.


I don't know. My friend asked me about that the other day. She thinks I may come across as stand offish and uninterested. She wanted to know if I thought I was.

I don't think I am. But it may be how I come across without meaning to.



HighLlama
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26 Aug 2018, 2:00 pm

^^
Yeah, I think it can be hard to tell how others see us. And if you think too much about that it can become a problem. For me it seems more helpful to focus on what I'm feeling. Then I don't have performance anxiety and I'm just me. What's going through your head in some of these interactions? What do you feel? My parents could be pretty abusive, so my issues in these situations may not be yours. I just wondered because I've had a lot of experience with what you're generally describing. I never thought people would approach me, but part of that was from not believing it could happen. Not that I have all the answers (far from it). I just know what you're experiencing sucks, and we've all been through it.



Last edited by HighLlama on 26 Aug 2018, 2:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Prometheus18
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26 Aug 2018, 2:01 pm

The idea that one must be in a sexual relationship with another person in order to be happy or successful is a fiction propounded because it keeps people buying junk that they don't need (the basis of the economy).

By any sober analysis the idea is laughable; the only reason it's considered at all is that we have these urges hardwired into our DNA, but they're an anachronism - a biological vestige from a time when to reproduce was an urgent and immediate necessity.

Focus your energies on your OBJECTIVE values - any happiness dependent upon the subjective whims of another human being is a sure cause of misery.



sly279
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26 Aug 2018, 2:08 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Honestly. I'm sick of you guys writing women over 20 off as horrible old bores. We still have fun. I have NT female friends who are still fun. It's a horrible narrow minded trope.


I dont know how English women are I can only speak to Oregon’s women. And most over 30 are a bore. They have kids, work good jobs, talk about mortagesm car payments and saving for their kids college, if they single it’s all about buying a car and house getting promotions. Young people just want to have fun, have lots of sex, do fun exciting stuff. Maybe take off on weekend to go camping spontaneous. Again that’s how it’s here where I live. I’ll nevwr be that mortgage, car payment guy. Most people in their 30s can’t afford the time to be youthful and careless like 20 olds are.
I’m like a teen. I, youthful and careless.
, and naive.



hurtloam
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26 Aug 2018, 2:14 pm

HighLlama wrote:
^^
Yeah, I think it can be hard to tell how others see us. And if you think too much about that it can become a problem. For me it seems more helpful to focus on what I'm feeling. Then I don't have performance anxiety and I'm just me. What's going through your head in some of these interactions? What do you feel? My parents could be pretty abusive, so my issues in these situations may not be yours. I just wondered because I've had a lot of experience with what you're generally describing. I never thought people would approach me, but part of that was from not believing it could happen. Not that I have all the answers (far from it). I just know what you're experiencing sucks, and we've all been through it.


Well, if say a lot of my anxiety around people does have a lot to do with my parents. They were peopke you had to walk on eggshells around. My survival strategy was to keep quiet and stay out of the way. I got bullied at school too, so I feel, even as an adult, that people won't like me... even though I've met plenty of people who like me generally as an acquaintance.

I can be talkative with the right people. I'm not always stand offish and quiet. I met someone I felt comfortable with. He made me feel like there was nothing wrong with me. That's why this hurts. It's just so rare for me to find that. And how do you tell someone that? It's too serious.



Last edited by hurtloam on 26 Aug 2018, 2:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hurtloam
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26 Aug 2018, 2:15 pm

Prometheus18 wrote:
The idea that one must be in a sexual relationship with another person in order to be happy or successful is a fiction propounded because it keeps people buying junk that they don't need (the basis of the economy).

By any sober analysis the idea is laughable; the only reason it's considered at all is that we have these urges hardwired into our DNA, but they're an anachronism - a biological vestige from a time when to reproduce was an urgent and immediate necessity.

Focus your energies on your OBJECTIVE values - any happiness dependent upon the subjective whims of another human being is a sure cause of misery.


I'm not on that level of pragmatism I'm afraid.



HighLlama
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26 Aug 2018, 2:19 pm

hurtloam wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
^^
Yeah, I think it can be hard to tell how others see us. And if you think too much about that it can become a problem. For me it seems more helpful to focus on what I'm feeling. Then I don't have performance anxiety and I'm just me. What's going through your head in some of these interactions? What do you feel? My parents could be pretty abusive, so my issues in these situations may not be yours. I just wondered because I've had a lot of experience with what you're generally describing. I never thought people would approach me, but part of that was from not believing it could happen. Not that I have all the answers (far from it). I just know what you're experiencing sucks, and we've all been through it.


Well, if say a lot of my anxiety around people does have a lot to do with my parents. They were peopke you had to walk on eggshells around. My survival strategy was to keep quiet and stay out of the way. I got bullied at school too, so I feel, even as an adult, that people won't like me... even though I've met plenty of people who like me generally as an acquaintance.

I can be talkative with the right people. I'm not always stand offish and quiet. I met someone I felt comfortable with. He made me feel like there was nothing wrong with me. That's why this hurts. It's just so rare for me to find that. And how do you tell someone that? It's too serious.


What you said about your mom is definitely something I can relate to. If you're not familiar with the term "emotional flashbacks," look it up. It may be very helpful to you. It's certainly helped me start to reconstruct my life and feel like some things I'd given up on are possible again. Because they are.



Prometheus18
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26 Aug 2018, 2:23 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
The idea that one must be in a sexual relationship with another person in order to be happy or successful is a fiction propounded because it keeps people buying junk that they don't need (the basis of the economy).

By any sober analysis the idea is laughable; the only reason it's considered at all is that we have these urges hardwired into our DNA, but they're an anachronism - a biological vestige from a time when to reproduce was an urgent and immediate necessity.

Focus your energies on your OBJECTIVE values - any happiness dependent upon the subjective whims of another human being is a sure cause of misery.


I'm not on that level of pragmatism I'm afraid.


I know it's difficult, and I struggle myself with these problems. I don't say that you (or anyone else) should become entirely celibate - I'd love to get married myself someday, but there's no need to think any less of yourself because you're not an item with another.

Personally, when I see someone who has kept themself pure, as the old-fashioned dictum goes, especially women, I feel something like awe. There is nothing more attractive in women, I find, than discernment in her choice of partners - and nothing rarer!



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Aug 2018, 3:48 pm

Mythos wrote:
It's not a race, and relationships aren't as fun as they appear on television shows or in films, on people's Facebook posts or out in public. I envy you for still being single so don't concern yourself because I think people in relationships also have "bachelor / bachelorette envy". In reality, it's nice to be free and relationships aren't like that at all, they're the opposite.

I think bouts of casual dating would be nice. You'll find numerous people, and eventually you'll find the one.

It'll be fine in the end.


It's not a race but hurtloam is not immortal either. She is not a teen and she's not getting any younger, so her concern is justified.



hurtloam
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26 Aug 2018, 3:53 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race, and relationships aren't as fun as they appear on television shows or in films, on people's Facebook posts or out in public. I envy you for still being single so don't concern yourself because I think people in relationships also have "bachelor / bachelorette envy". In reality, it's nice to be free and relationships aren't like that at all, they're the opposite.

I think bouts of casual dating would be nice. You'll find numerous people, and eventually you'll find the one.

It'll be fine in the end.


But hurtloam is not immortal either.


Wrong... I am Highlander

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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Aug 2018, 3:55 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race, and relationships aren't as fun as they appear on television shows or in films, on people's Facebook posts or out in public. I envy you for still being single so don't concern yourself because I think people in relationships also have "bachelor / bachelorette envy". In reality, it's nice to be free and relationships aren't like that at all, they're the opposite.

I think bouts of casual dating would be nice. You'll find numerous people, and eventually you'll find the one.

It'll be fine in the end.


But hurtloam is not immortal either.


Wrong... I am Highlander

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No, you are a Volcaner (sp?).



The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Aug 2018, 4:33 pm

Btw I remember the series, all what I remember from it is its theme song “i am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings!”, and the cutting heads and consuming electrical things.

Now thinking about it... how the hell my parents even allowed me to watch this.



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26 Aug 2018, 4:37 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Mythos wrote:
It's not a race, and relationships aren't as fun as they appear on television shows or in films, on people's Facebook posts or out in public. I envy you for still being single so don't concern yourself because I think people in relationships also have "bachelor / bachelorette envy". In reality, it's nice to be free and relationships aren't like that at all, they're the opposite.

I think bouts of casual dating would be nice. You'll find numerous people, and eventually you'll find the one.

It'll be fine in the end.


It's not a race but hurtloam is not immortal either. She is not a teen and she's not getting any younger, so her concern is justified.


In other words, it is a race.


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