Niece is dying (again)

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I'm glad to hear your niece is stable. Don't let the medical staff guilt you in to giving up on her. You know her better than they do.

Being medical POA is a tough place to be, especially when the doctors want different from what you have been told by the patient. You have taken, and are performing well, responsibility for making her medical decisions per her wishes. POA and the doctors do not get to decide what the patient wanted. Good for you for fulfilling your part. I am truly sorry for what your niece has gone through and am glad she has you by her side, figuratively. At some level, I suspect she knows that.

Thanks, Chronos and blazingstar. Actually there is some good news. Her labs continue to improve, vitals are stable, and today she began to be responsive, spoke a couple of words. I have growing hope for a recovery.

Meanwhile though, the hospital called me because apparently a number of different people have been in and out of her house, some even defecating on the floor, and there has been some theft. I find this situation awful, but why is it my burden just because I have medical POA? All I signed up for was to help with end-of-life decisions, but the hospital social worker has me calling the police to go over and check what is going on at the house. I am out of state and can't really do much about it. Still, it was good talking to the social worker, sharing a bit about the extreme dysfunction in the family and my hopes that aftercare will include alcohol rehab and mental health treatment.

As I said before, compassion and love for this person means support without letting her "crazy" very far into my life.

well if she is alcoholic, it is likely that her illness at the moment is end stage liver disease.
the doctor would not canvass the issue of life support if they had no reason to suspect that it may be needed.
it does look grave i am sorry. i am not an expert however (obviously).
if there is no chance of recovery to a state of reasonable health, it may be better to let nature take it's course.




i suppose extensive investigation is necessary before making a decision, but even without blood results, it is easy to see oncoming death in advanced cases of cirrhosis.
pitting edema, swollen ankles and calves, jaundice, ascites, coca cola colored urine, cream colored excrement etc.
an increase in ammonia due to the malfunction can cause mental confusion and reduced awareness.

if these things are happening, then it may even be too late now for a liver transplant. if there is no possibility of transplant, then i guess at some stage you are flogging a dead horse and the end will come.

it is not your responsibility to save her life if it would take a miracle to save her

Since she has recovered from worse, I would have advocated aggressively seeking to maintain life as well.

Don’t allow yourself to become an integral part of life once she recovers. Think that “the ball is in her court.” She has to want to change.

I tried to reply twice to B9, and cloudflare or captcha or whatever ate my replies. I'm done.

Crap forum software sucks. I've been patient up till now, but this is an abuse of my time and earnest attempts to communicate.

POAs have numerous authorities which can be "delegated" to another person in part or total. Maybe you should start delegating. That way, you could oversee the various jobs you are expected to manage but without actually doing them yourself. Of course, if no one else wants the delegated work, as well, you are back where you started. I doubt that there are any funds attached to the POA work, so that makes it extra difficult.

I know you wouldn't abandon your POA expectations, but maybe there are ways to trim them back. I learned with my mother to hit my marks perfectly, but find ways to get things done without tasking myself too much. Otherwise, I would have done more than 16-hour days. Don't push yourself too far. I tried that and it is ruinous to yourself. Some things just must be put on the back burners ... especially providers of all stripes who demand "signatures and permissions."

You don't have to tell me. If I get another damages bill from Best Buy Geek Squad to the tune of $161.56 again (during the "Great WrongPlanet.net URL-Hack of 2018"), it will be sent directly to Alex.

Bea, You are not obligated to do anything except be POA for medical. You can just say that to whoever calls. If they ask what should they do about x,y,z, you can tell them - do whatever they would expect to do if there were no one else to call. Hospitals are familiar with that situation; they just want to dump the responsibility on someone else. I have this fight with hospitals frequently in my work. Actually, you have no legal authority to intervene in her other affairs.

I have trouble with the website too, sometimes losing long posts that I have thought hard about.

I hope your niece continues to improve and can move on with her life. It is not up to us to judge the meaningfulness of another individual's life. You are doing the right thing.

Thanks for your support, people. The progress report is that my niece has improved each day, first saying a single word, today carrying on a conversation with her nurse. The kidneys are out of danger. I will try to chat on the phone with her tomorrow.

I'm going to reduce my involvement here but wanted to acknowledge the kind comments I have received.

I'm really glad your niece "beat the odds" again.

There are some people who believe my father is destined for a nursing home, and will never see his home again. His wife does not believe that; she believes he will be home after a period of rehab.

This is why I don't really advocate "pulling the plug" or any sort of euthanasia unless there really is "no hope."

Take care Bea. Don’t forget to take care of yourself too. I’m glad your niece is improving.

Kraftie, it’s good that your father has someone who cares for him, with him. My father died twenty years ago. I lived about a six hour drive away and it was hard while he was ill. He had my stepmother with him.

His wife is my stepmother, too (obviously). She is only 4 years older than me.

When I went to Chicago a month ago, she was taking extensive notes, and seeking to learn how to turn him, and care for him in general. She took notes even when "rounds" occurred.

Again, I'm glad your niece is recovering quickly. Wouldn't it be nice if this is sort of a "wakeup call" for her? Maybe she can finally ditch the alcohol?

I called rounds "the doctors' scrum." I followed them every day, and saved my mother from getting accidentally discharged when she should have been admitted immediately for a month. When the attending physician (a neurologist) heard what I had to say about his discharging her (in "clinical-ese"), he started barking orders to get her into the stroke department. He and I became good friends for a couple years.

It is always good to take notes and use them. My memorization skills saved my mother for a couple extra years.

I didn’t refer to her as your stepmother as some people are sensitive to their parents marrying again. My siblings do not refer to our stepmother as such.

You’re definitely a usefully smart man, Utah.

I get what you mean, Anne.