I hate myself a lot right now

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Indeed they do!

well then it was a genuine apology. by 1 half. while second hates ur guts. it is called splitting. i had such experience. bipolar ya, i was very affectionate towards them for several reasons, and they kept f-ing me over ya. sadly being friends with a bipolar is just like that. they flip - u fry. which is why i have cut contact with that person after 1 specificly ugly iteration. so again dont beat urself, but either dont hate that guy much, as fully as he seems to deserve it. (but dont go on a new iteration either, if i may add). yes, that sounds exactly like rejecting a person for their neuro state, and it feels awful. but i personally cant handle bipolar flips xd

well i am autistic AND then PTSD (with a lot of chains at that). works quite the same way on the outing. highly explosive material, handle with extreme care xD because trigger triggers, which triggers meltdown, which triggers... the bipolar i am talking about was very indulgent person, who had had tight fits and thought it allows him a lot of leniency. and i had supported him all the way only to get a showdown ya. lets say 2 people with issues like this, who are aware and acceptive of each other's issues are a dream team. u flip - ur partner talks u down, or leaves u alone, or offers a vent u need. untill the system loses stability and goes fubar, ya. happened to my marriage, that had worked that way 8 years. 2 ND ya. but however horribly unrepairable it seemed for past few years, i feel the rift is moving to close now. we are getting better again. i handle my friends who are outright shizo, ptsd, borderline etc. also let me clarify, i cant handle those flips when the person is totally unaware what's happening to them (and thus just wont listen, raaagh). ya, we live on the edge of no control. i'd say, use this situation. to understand urself. u just looked in a mirror, maybe a very messed up (distorted etc) but a mirror. take what u saw, try to well, use it as a negative example. that feeling when ur inner demons just break free with a loud CLANK of broken locks. how to herd them back in? and well, find some way to let them fly without damage to ur life, so that they are less restless)

and ya i jolly good know this is not a music thread, and iam doubleposting yaddayadda, but thsoe are relevant! (also as usual, warning about bad lexics and heavy sound)

unavailable for my country) i'll use that motherloving google. and ya i like more stuff than can fit on the entire forum, but those 5 just are relevant to the topic of flips and corresponding issues) i didnt post them for giggles

and i know, and i know. maybe mechanism is different in ptsd triggering but the result is much simmilar. if i dont catch it. and then i've been splitted many times enough to know it too. ya, im not here the only one, with emotions like a loaded gun. and theres more where this came from)



yuck! gotta google if i can make the frame slower, this is impossible xD

You know as genuinely nice and compassionate as I am with everybody when I'm feeling normal, whenever I have my bad days and I "flip" on somebody I don't just angry I get downright ice cold with people.

I can say some very cold and cruel things.

knowing why it happens much helps to weather it, ukno) like oh, TW1ZTY is on a flip, right. have a mug of hot (whatever u like), TW1ZTY, that should warm u up xD

as a caffeine addict here, i find this horrible xD THO u still can drink fruit juices, but well heating those up is.. emm... well maybe it could work after all xD

haha well comfort eating (and drinking) is a thing xD i dont do any alchohol or smth, as in, i dont. im crazy enough when sober xD BUT ya Vihja touch-my-coffee-and-i-will-end-u-painfully Malsaara (aka Serpentari touch-my-CAKE-AIWEUP Soul) xD not preaching, btw xd but not going to stop, either xD