My dad is dying

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My dad passed away on the 5th, I arrived at night. From what I heard he had a heart failure and died within minutes. My mom was with him.

I think I coped all right, especially with putting up with my mom. I'm the only one with a brain left so I'm organizing the funeral and paperwork and ordering stuff. My mom is both trusting me with her life and questioning every sentence I wrote. I collected my dad's photos and arranged them chronologically and made a movie, I wrote a poem, I wrote his biography, I made arrangements for people who will speak and who will come and stay. I planned the music and songs and translated them into Chinese. I talked to all the people who will be involved. I ordered photos, flowers and a portrait, I made a memorial website. I cleaned the house and prepared the beds for guests. I wrote email and text messages for my mom because my English is better and she can't think. My brother took charge of cooking and cleaning. My mom is still not happy. She argued with us about something everyday. She took lots of pictures of his dead body and plans to hire a guy to videotape the funeral. I think she's nuts. I can't wait to get out of here next week. Then I can grieve properly. My mom will be stalking me with lots of phone calls I'm sure, because I have the answers to all her problems. I still need to research and buy a plot for my dad when I go back.

I'm also a bit put off that they cleared out my dad's bedroom already and my brother moved in. She's bagging up his stuff for sorting and donation later. I was hoping she would hold onto them a bit longer. They're not just stuff, they're a part of his life. My son is a clone of my dad, I think he has the right to claim some of the clothes first. There's almost no obvious evidence left that he lived here. I miss his mess.

I am sorry for your loss. Bless you, for all that you are doing for the family.

Aging parents can be very difficult. It sounds like your mother is very unhappy with your father's death, but focuses her discontent on everything you do.

Let her watch the funeral over and over ... and make an album of her death photos ... just as you know you have your own way of grieving, so does she.

Take care.

That's a bit weird imo but I also find open casket funerals weird.

But as Bea has said everyone grieves differently , you don't have to watch the video but maybe one day it might interest you.

Im sorry for your loss. Bea has said it all very well. In regard to your fathers clothing, hopefully they will hold off donating it until you can check it out. I kept a sweater of my fathers. Its a heavy warm one and I keep it in my car in case im stranded in the cold. My father helped teach me to drive and it’s like having him there if something goes wrong.

It used to be quite traditional to take photos of people in their casket. I find it a bit grim myself, but it helps some times to see the person at piece if they’ve been quite ill.

My father donated his body to medical science. There was no casket, no funeral. But we did have a memorial service about a month later, and it was truly a celebration of his 87 year life. It was videotaped and the video is online. There was nothing macabre about it, various people shared their memories and there were lots of photos.