People who have a "social magnet"

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If she's being difficult to you personally i would suggest to definitely stand up for yourself. But if she's just "annoying" to you then don't give her anymore attention. She's probably used to getting is by acting over the top and that's not healthy for her either. Also, her popularity has nothing to do with yours. Someone's success doesn't take away yours. You may want to go about it in a different way. Is your goal to be popular anyway? Or just have a few but honest and decent friends?

I do get hypersensitive to social isolation and worthlessness. I think it stems back from my teenage years, when I was so excluded from the other girls at school and I felt so lonely and began to hate myself. Now that I'm older and have improved a lot socially to the point where I can pass off as an NT, I often hope I wouldn't have to feel so left out any more. But when this girl is not around, I do get the others talking to me more and I can have a laugh with them and feel included. But when she's around, it's all about her. I do sometimes have a conversation with her when we're alone, but often she's staring at her phone. She's just lucky because she's got a bigger mouth and can hog all the attention and form a clique. She once yelled profanity at our supervisor because he told her off for playing on her phone when she should have been working. She overreacted and sulked for the rest of the shift. But no matter how melodramatic she behaves, everybody still think she's wonderful.
But if I behaved like that, nobody will like me, everyone will think I'm weird. She's so lucky.

maybe she's not as lucky as you think. Maybe she struggles in keeping relationships or having meaningful friendships so this is all a façade. You can never know.

I think she does put on a front. She's been in and out of relationships, while I've kept with the same boyfriend over 4 years and we're happy together. But she's just lucky that she can put on this front without people pointing out any social quirks. If I put on a front and made myself louder, I'd probably be as annoying as she is and people would make a big deal about it and point it out to my face, which will only hurt my feelings and make me hate myself. So I try to stay meek and mild, which as the saying goes, "silence is golden", but then it can make you feel lonely. So I can't win either way. I'm just destined to be the underdog for the rest of my life. If I do try to be louder, my ADHD becomes more obvious, and I don't want to be seen as "the loud person nobody listens to". That's just embarrassing.
But I am a type of person who thinks the grass is always greener on the other side. I think it comes from low self-esteem and beating myself up for being on the spectrum.
But I often ask myself: "Am I better off being me; easy to get along with, loyal, reliable, passive, friendly, responsible, hard-working, loving, thoughtful, but shy, introverted, a little dim, wimpy and socially anxious? Or would I be better off being her; always seen and heard but is mentally unstable, ignorant, selfish, whiny, unpredictable and neurotic?" I still haven't figured out the answer to that.

You may say "but you much be mentally unstable if you beat yourself up for being Aspie or ADHD and you get anxious and have episodes of depression". But I think there's two different kinds of "neurotic" types. There's the quiet type like me who is easy to be around and can act appropriately, and there's the loud type like her who throws herself into everything and is hard work to be around and is prone to causing inappropriate drama. I try to be calm and cool when I go to work, and try to leave my problems at home instead of bringing them to work and inflicting it upon everybody else. It's not the same thing as somebody having a generally bad day or are stressed out with the work. She's a lot more dramatic than that.

You don't want to be neurotic. I don't know this girl but I could probably guess she's "loud" insecure. Being 'liked' by people means nothing when you struggle to like yourself.

Last edited by Gallia on 26 Dec 2018, 9:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You sound like a nice person to be around.

I'm assuming you're talking to joe90

it just seems atavistic to me, that is how wolves in a pack behave. aren't we supposed to be above that, better than that? we're more than wolves, aren't we?

Those of you who watch the Simpsons and have seen Homer's Emeny, you will probably know what I'm talking about. Although the girl at work isn't the same as Homer, the episode story still describes what this thread is about.

Hmm...So, is the girl a super-efficient and dedicated worker (Frank), and are you the lazy, good-for-nothing slacker (Homer)?

I don't get it.

No, it's the other way around, I'm Frank and she's Homer. Well it's not exactly the same story, but I can still relate to Frank. Everybody just loves Homer no matter how stupid, annoying, lazy and irresponsible he can be, and it gets to Frank, being so Frank tries so hard and is still unlucky. It's more the emotional side of the plot that I can relate to. Especially when Frank says, "does the whole plant have some disease where they can't see that he's an idiot?" I can relate to that, except this girl isn't an idiot, she's just neurotic and breaks a lot of social rules but seems to get away with it.

Frank will win in the end. Franks usually win, ultimately.

Homers tend to get themselves into trouble....some of which can be difficult to get out of.

Frank (accidentally) kills himself at the end of the episode. Best Simpsons episode ever and I totally relate to his character as well.

I didn't get the context.

My point is: many "popular" people get used and abused. People sometimes see the "popular" person as being a target. They might use that person for their own ends.

Sort of like somebody winning the lottery, and being used by his/her friends.

this ^

Good catch! Joe90 indeed.