Suicidal

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I don't know if my life is over or not. I'm not really that responsible with animals. I am struggling to even shave and clean my apartment. I appreciate the support though.

Do you have a written routine for yourself so you can feel like you have accomplished things?

I had to do this after leaving work and having my stroke, etc. because otherwise my days were so unstructured I felt depressed. It can be simple:

Eat
Brush Teeth
Shower
Get dressed
Do something interesting (google, etc)
Do something physical (walk around in circles if need be)
Eat again
Make contact with someone (anyone -- even online)

etc.


This way I felt like I was at least accountable to ... something?

I also made a longer range list of "To Do's" for a rainy day:

Clean out closet
Register for a class
Organise your books

etc.

Having blank time isn't good for us. We need that little sense of routine, even when desperate to rest.

i allready have that forced on me for good or bad. sometimes the routine itself causes meltdowns. anyways. dips are natural, and all u have to do is get thru it. there be another dawn.

Yeah, it's good to be organised, Isabella, I agree.

There's more to this than I've said to you all. I don't want to talk about it. I'm scared I'm going to lose everything. I could lose my home, my money, everything. I don't want to say anymore. I just don't know what's going to happen.

I've been there. I had my identity, communications and email accounts scammed, all my bank accounts, assets and money and life savings diverted to someone else. I survived. It's been almost ten years of rebuilding. I also had an affluent family but things went horribly wrong for me personally. I'm "scared" every day of my life. I have an idea what you are going through. You're right in that you don't know what is going to happen. Think of that as a positive. You don't know.

Even though you live in England, you will always be a friend to me.

Please do not harm yourself.

Seconded with hugs

I like you Isabella. Thanks for being kind.

I'm sorry you went through that but I'm very glad you survived. It sounds like you've been through some similar things.

AnonymousAnonymous - thank you, sir. That is quite a touching thing to say.

I'll say anything similar to you. In fact, I often feel that I am being provoked into committing suicide by my family all because I am on the spectrum. I do have plans to see a counselor, but appointments won't begin until March.

You’re a classy guy, Fifasy.

Wolfman know what class is.

I guess you just have to stick around to find out, but I can understand the worry. In terms of my own 'standards of living', I was in the worst state I've ever been in when I found a long term partner, life can throw up surprises like that.

How are you today, fifasy?

I'm thinking about you and sending you hugs.
My dog and cats say hello, too. I'm not sure about my fish, though. He's a pretty quiet dude.

Well, I feel like jumping into oblivion Isabella. I don't feel like anyone knows me. But I'm not unhappy. Whatever happens I found peace in my soul.

Who are your cats and dogs? And fish? I like talking to animals.

I'm very glad to hear you're doing better, fifasy. Keep sharing your cooking successes!

My dog is a fuzzy wuzzy boy who is my right-hand man. He's a PTSD therapy dog whom I've been with for pretty much nine years. My cats are a fat, lazy grey tabby female who has diabetes, and a tiny male who is longhaired and looks like he's three months old, but he's actually ten years. He howls non-stop all day and night like an opera singer. My fish is a pink and purple beta. He likes to swim or do tricks for food.

Fifasy please hang on in there, it will pass.

I, like many of us here on WP have been through very dark times, I have even had a real attempt at ending my life and I did have a period of time where every day I wanted to end it. But I am so glad I didn't. It got better and I believe it will get better for you. Isabella's suggestion of an animal as a companion is a very good one. (Even though I am crap at looking after myself I always look after my cat and she gives me so much comfort.)

You are a worthwhile person and have value.

Just keep holding on, the darkness will pass.

Listen to the response of these fellow WPers - there is love and caring in their words.