I miss having a close female friend

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serpentari
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15 Feb 2019, 8:36 am

well she could've contacted u. if she didnt, its a signal. happened to me too. at least u got rid of negative influence of her husband)


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Summer_Twilight
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15 Feb 2019, 10:12 am

serpentari wrote:
well she could've contacted u. if she didnt, its a signal. happened to me too. at least u got rid of negative influence of her husband)



She does contact me but it's usually in group texts when she sends out pictures of things but nothing else. She hasn't really called me otherwise. In the meantime I am going to leave it alone.



serpentari
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15 Feb 2019, 10:34 am

cheers)


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Summer_Twilight
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15 Feb 2019, 11:38 am

serpentari wrote:
cheers)


I think you are right because I was not very happy in this relationship. A couple of times I ended up being the brunt of her husband's silly problems and ended up in tears. I also didn't feel too good when he shouted at us to leave like that. I am better off being alone versus being with them because that was an abusive friendship.



serpentari
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15 Feb 2019, 11:45 am

there, u spelled it.
and ya, as i mentioned, friends CAN snap and shout at each other, but that is done with consent. when we have it all set and agreed on, we can do that. there is a stock communication methode (aka "basic polite"), that should be used otherwise. u will need time to recover, but after that u are likely to feel better and safer.


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


Summer_Twilight
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15 Feb 2019, 12:25 pm

serpentari wrote:
there, u spelled it.
and ya, as i mentioned, friends CAN snap and shout at each other, but that is done with consent. when we have it all set and agreed on, we can do that. there is a stock communication methode (aka "basic polite"), that should be used otherwise. u will need time to recover, but after that u are likely to feel better and safer.



Then another thing that is getting to me right now is that two floors, below me, in a different department is a man on the spectrum too. (I wrote about him in social skills and making friends actually in "Don't be a flaker). It's sad because there was a time where we used to be friends but he was able to join a singles group and bond with several NTs. Since then he has not been able to get along with other aspies/auties. Myself included. Though he's said that he's "Sorry" for acting the way he does but has decided we just are not compatible. So it's hard to see him and not feel sad because would be nice to have someone to relate to.



serpentari
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15 Feb 2019, 12:55 pm

spectrum is wide. and some of us dont click togather, its pretty normal. doesnt sound like "flaker" if he honestly said that. i've filtered thru hundreds of ppl, to get several i really am compatible with, in different ways. its just the way life is. also, only 1 of them is not allistic. there are plenty ways to relate, if wanting to. different age, gender and neurobuild dont stop that) just keep meeting ppl.


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beware the ire of the patient ones!
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Summer_Twilight
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16 Feb 2019, 11:04 pm

serpentari wrote:
spectrum is wide. and some of us dont click togather, its pretty normal. doesnt sound like "flaker" if he honestly said that. i've filtered thru hundreds of ppl, to get several i really am compatible with, in different ways. its just the way life is. also, only 1 of them is not allistic. there are plenty ways to relate, if wanting to. different age, gender and neurobuild dont stop that) just keep meeting ppl.


Actually, there were several times where he was not upfront with us. Rather, he bailed with an excuse that this family was in town. It was only when I started pulling teeth.

As far as getting along goes, he developed a very bad ego and started acting superior to others on the spectrum. He's also said some pretty mean things to others on the spectrum from unsolicited advice to just plain being a smart mouth.



serpentari
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17 Feb 2019, 4:05 am

well i havent seen/heard those things so i cant put them into any bracket. being "smart mouth" is nothing wrong, unless its done in really offensive manner (and then i'd say its not "smart mouth", but just abusive behaviour). again, i dont know how i would classify that guy, never having met him. acting superior does sound bad. but well lets say this. puns, quips and other sort of smartass behaviour are very well pretty normal and more often than not mean no offence, even if they are intense. as to advises u dont like, well, autistic = having hard time learning when to keep it, ukno ^^ i am not nesesserily justifying that guy, i dunno what exactly he said. but i suggest that maybe u try to do what i do, when i see something i dont like - think what reasons could make that legit. if u find none (which can ofc happen), then proceed with "get rid of that contact". sometimes a benefit of a doubt given, blooms into a new friendship...


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


Summer_Twilight
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17 Feb 2019, 10:43 am

serpentari wrote:
well i havent seen/heard those things so i cant put them into any bracket. being "smart mouth" is nothing wrong, unless its done in really offensive manner (and then i'd say its not "smart mouth", but just abusive behaviour). again, i dont know how i would classify that guy, never having met him. acting superior does sound bad. but well lets say this. puns, quips and other sort of smartass behaviour are very well pretty normal and more often than not mean no offence, even if they are intense. as to advises u dont like, well, autistic = having hard time learning when to keep it, ukno ^^ i am not nesesserily justifying that guy, i dunno what exactly he said. but i suggest that maybe u try to do what i do, when i see something i dont like - think what reasons could make that legit. if u find none (which can ofc happen), then proceed with "get rid of that contact". sometimes a benefit of a doubt given, blooms into a new friendship...


Smart mouth terms, he has a big ego because...
He's basically the pot that calls the kettle black. He calls other auties "Weird." He once had the nerve to boast to another autie "I'm am higher functioning than you are."



serpentari
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17 Feb 2019, 1:34 pm

well that sounds very f****d up. why would u even want to deal with somebody like that? i'd ignore them for all the lifetimes right after that


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
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Summer_Twilight
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17 Feb 2019, 5:20 pm

serpentari wrote:
well that sounds very f****d up. why would u even want to deal with somebody like that? i'd ignore them for all the lifetimes right after that


Then I will avoid him as much as possible because he can be really obnoxious



serpentari
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17 Feb 2019, 6:11 pm

well anybody trying to bump their own self esteem at the expense of another person, is bad company. i usually try to not write firm statements, but this is a case for one. be safe from those, please)


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beware the ire of the patient ones!
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Summer_Twilight
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18 Feb 2019, 8:43 am

What are your thoughts about being polite and just walking off or is that a bad idea?



serpentari
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18 Feb 2019, 8:52 am

lets say, i do like to make things final and very literal when i have that in mind. easier online, when u can just press a button and never "see" the person u didnt like again. irl takes some effort to get rid of them. so ya if it was me, i'd tell him i find him obnoxious, and will not tolerate him any longer. btw it so happened, that when i confronted ppl about some certain obnoxious patterns in their behavior, they did change it. but more often they decide to feel offended and hate me))) and im perfectly fine with that xD BUT, u are a different person, with different solutions. do anything, that would prevent u from having contact (and letting him upset u). my ways have their drawbacks, and i know it xD


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


Summer_Twilight
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18 Feb 2019, 11:43 am

serpentari wrote:
lets say, i do like to make things final and very literal when i have that in mind. easier online, when u can just press a button and never "see" the person u didnt like again. irl takes some effort to get rid of them. so ya if it was me, i'd tell him i find him obnoxious, and will not tolerate him any longer. btw it so happened, that when i confronted ppl about some certain obnoxious patterns in their behavior, they did change it. but more often they decide to feel offended and hate me))) and im perfectly fine with that xD BUT, u are a different person, with different solutions. do anything, that would prevent u from having contact (and letting him upset u). my ways have their drawbacks, and i know it xD


Maybe they hate themselves and not you and are also offended because they are right and you are wrong.