Housing Crisis

Post Reply New Topic

That would be very manipulative on RetroGamer's part. Don't try to break up other people's relationships just because yours went sour.

Well, I am a no Jedi, I am on the gray side, for me sometimes the means justify the ends (unless the means are harmful).

And if she replies to his friend and gets tempted to see him? Wouldn't that mean that we have saved Retro from a CERTAIN future cheating? Her expected reaction would be declining him or ignoring.

You're still upset at me because of the trap I did to my ex and told her current bf (who's her ex now) - but think this for a moment: if she was loyal to him, she wouldn't have tempted to date the fake guy. And if she's willing to meet an attractive guy that quickly, then she would have cheated on her current guy for real because there will always be a guy more attractive than him.
If I did no action, the outcome would be: She would have cheated on him for real, and he would have wasted ton of time and been hurt like me.
The outcome of the action I did: He discovered she is a cheater in the first month of relationship, and spared him a long time of agony.

I don't trust Retro's gf, her behavior is fishy, dating foreigners by default always has this risk of green card digging.

Insisting on a bigger house, insisting on not declaring her income for the house loan, insisting on irrational things...these are dangerous signs damn it!

It's time to find out if her love is genuine or it's just a business transaction.

Retro, pick a handsome and well off friend, and ask him to message her, and see how she would react. Play it discreetly just between you and the friend.

That's the surest way to test loyalty, I wish if there was a cleaner way.

^
That will work with a cheater, but if she's not and has even a trace of self-respect she will instantly dump him.

This is a good point, partners who can balance each other make for a great team (after some work).

Adoption is very expensive though (at least around here) and those in charge look in to background, income, health etc. very carefully before giving a chance to adopt. The lines are long, too... at least around here, but I would imagine that in a place like Australia people would be responsible about this stuff and make strict checks over there, too.

True. But it's still an option.

If they are a couple....and especially if they are married....and especially if they have a decent income...there shouldn't be too many barriers to adoption.

My point had more to do with the fact that "life isn't over" if one is infertile----than with advocating adoption, per se.

This is what I meant what I said about your decision-making style. You are bringing issues of infertility into a house buying decision. That just muddies the waters (not to say it isn't on her mind and on your mind).

If she gets pregnant after you buy a small apartment, you guys can always move up to a more appropriate sized house. If you buy a family house now and she never has children, you can always sell and downsize into a smaller place.

But trying to read the tea leaves and make your purchase decision based on a possible future pregnancy is just, simply, no way to make a rational choice. So take the family/pregnancy/fertility issue out of the equation and consider real estate factors such as location, size, type of building, quality of life of a neighborhood, etc.

If you think you might move again within 5 years (many people do), also consider the resale value of the property, which may factor into how high your offer to buy it. Are home prices going up or down for that type of home in that area? (All this information is available online, or ask your buyer's broker - do go through a buyer's broker.)

You wish. You are unworthy of me carrying resentment around with me (something you might want to think about for your own life). If I'm upset about anything, it's your insinuation that advice I offer somebody else has anything to do with unresolved anger at you. Get over yourself!

Sneaking around conducting "loyalty tests" is a rotten, manipulative way to treat another person. If I ever found out someone did that to me, they'd be gone in a heartbeat. So no, I do not recommend RetroGamer play this kind of game with his girlfriend.

Yup - my point exactly.

Can't you go house hunting together? If she has an imaginary house have her show you it. Can't she have fertility testing? Like isn't that straight forward? Why do you have 3 TVs for a living room side by side? I think it must be a cultural thing why she wants her mother to move in with her, she is probably expected to take care of her mother in old age.

Yup, in eastern cultures we are expected to literally pamper our old parents, even literally diapering them.

Sounds like your current place is the ideal place to buy.

Tell her that it is the front runner in your purchase decision, and ask her to show you alternate places within your budget that she would prefer for you both to compare & consider, and then you'll choose the best option. If she can't find a better option, maybe she will agree that your current place IS the right one.

Also point out that IF property prices continue to rise, that by owning the place you're in now, you'll be building equity along with more downpayment money from savings that would better allow you to move into a bigger place in a couple short years. You could then either sell this place, or borrow against it And rent it out at a monthly cash-flow profit, and move into a bigger apartment.

Also, IF your current place is the Best financial move (sounds like it is) point out that it's not impossible to have a child there. Even if it's a one bedroom, people do it. Babies aren't very big and don't take up much space. They can sleep in a small crib in your own bedroom. Hell, my brother's son's bassinet was in the walk-in closet of their one bedroom condo. In this current "housing crisis," market, even adults are renting couches to sleep on, separated at most by a simple freestanding Japanese-style room divider. Having a private apartment for a couple and baby is Enough. Maybe it isn't "ideal," but it most certainly is Enough.