Board index › Coping in life › The Haven

I hate that I’m unloveable and alone forever

Page 2 of 2 [ 31 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

19 Mar 2019, 5:43 pm

I was dubbed.....Sir Laughalot :P



SaveFerris
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,762
Location: UK

19 Mar 2019, 6:38 pm

Be pretty bad if your surname was Cumcised and you got knighted :wink:


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


AnneOleson
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 May 2016
Age: 69
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,826
Location: Coventry

19 Mar 2019, 7:27 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
Be pretty bad if your surname was Cumcised and you got knighted :wink:

Pretty bad if that was his surname even if he wasn’t knighted! :D



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

19 Mar 2019, 7:39 pm

Based on Sir-cumstantial evidence.....



shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,572

20 Mar 2019, 10:52 pm

Half of marriage end in divorce


Plenty of people are single, especially autistics



What is so bad about being single?



la_fenkis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,994
Location: My apartment

20 Mar 2019, 11:19 pm

Going through divorce changes peoples' interests. Younger people go after what they've been taught to want, and it ends in failure a lot of the time. Maybe you'll flourish in your thirties?

I never had any luck with women in my 20's. Often they'd call me a creep basically on-sight. And they never understood my anxiety around relationships. The only girlfriend I had was nearly ten years older than me.

I think people who remain single or get divorced become more understanding of others' struggles with time. Some of them harden too. People are all over the place.

A person doesn't have to resign themselves to being single if they don't feel that in their heart, but anguishing over it also doesn't do much good. It can be a struggle to find an even keel in the middle of it all, I know it is for me sometimes.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

20 Mar 2019, 11:34 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Half of marriage end in divorce


Plenty of people are single, especially autistics



What is so bad about being single?


Such logic could be applied to anything. Being single is horrible for a person like me
As for divorce
“It’s better to loved and lost then never loved at all”


_________________
There is no place for me in the world. I'm going into the wilderness, probably to die


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

20 Mar 2019, 11:36 pm

la_fenkis wrote:
Going through divorce changes peoples' interests. Younger people go after what they've been taught to want, and it ends in failure a lot of the time. Maybe you'll flourish in your thirties?

I never had any luck with women in my 20's. Often they'd call me a creep basically on-sight. And they never understood my anxiety around relationships. The only girlfriend I had was nearly ten years older than me.

I think people who remain single or get divorced become more understanding of others' struggles with time. Some of them harden too. People are all over the place.

A person doesn't have to resign themselves to being single if they don't feel that in their heart, but anguishing over it also doesn't do much good. It can be a struggle to find an even keel in the middle of it all, I know it is for me sometimes.

There’s no one for a subhuman like me. I’m not good enough for anything but to serve them.


_________________
There is no place for me in the world. I'm going into the wilderness, probably to die


la_fenkis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,994
Location: My apartment

20 Mar 2019, 11:52 pm

sly279 wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Half of marriage end in divorce


Plenty of people are single, especially autistics



What is so bad about being single?


Such logic could be applied to anything. Being single is horrible for a person like me
As for divorce
“It’s better to loved and lost then never loved at all”


Having experienced it a couple times I'd say, personally, that losing love is it's own kind of hell. It's messed me up in some ways. You don't want to go around trying to get that feeling back and destroying every possible friendship in the process.



The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,785

21 Mar 2019, 12:02 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Half of marriage end in divorce


Plenty of people are single, especially autistics



What is so bad about being single?

Being single in and of itself isn't bad. Being single when you want a relationship and have had some in the past isn't preferable, but it's not generally too mucb of a source of anguish, unreasonable to believe that a relationship is on the horizon for you. Being single when you've wanted a relationship over an extended period of time and it's never happened for you is a source of distress for many people in that situation, both because you crave the practical benefits of being in a romantic relationship, such as genuine physical and emotional intimacy in a romantic context, but also because you feel helpless and like you have no control over whether or not you have can have a romantic partner. Mastering a situation or circumstance breeds confidence, and you know when you've mastered a situation because things go the way you want them to. Consistently fail to master a situation or brings about feelings of powerlessness and helplessness, and you know when youve failed because things havent gone how you want them to.

When something is very important to you, and things never go even remotely close to the way you want them to with that thing despite your best efforts, that's a problem.



fluffysaurus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,723
Location: England

22 Mar 2019, 5:18 pm

:pig: Hugs.


_________________
climate change petition, please sign

Petition against Amazon selling 'make downs extinct' t-shirts. And other hate speech paraphernalia.


hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

22 Mar 2019, 5:28 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Half of marriage end in divorce


Plenty of people are single, especially autistics



What is so bad about being single?

Being single in and of itself isn't bad. Being single when you want a relationship and have had some in the past isn't preferable, but it's not generally too mucb of a source of anguish, unreasonable to believe that a relationship is on the horizon for you. Being single when you've wanted a relationship over an extended period of time and it's never happened for you is a source of distress for many people in that situation, both because you crave the practical benefits of being in a romantic relationship, such as genuine physical and emotional intimacy in a romantic context, but also because you feel helpless and like you have no control over whether or not you have can have a romantic partner. Mastering a situation or circumstance breeds confidence, and you know when you've mastered a situation because things go the way you want them to. Consistently fail to master a situation or brings about feelings of powerlessness and helplessness, and you know when youve failed because things havent gone how you want them to.

When something is very important to you, and things never go even remotely close to the way you want them to with that thing despite your best efforts, that's a problem.


indeed... you are good at putting into words how I feel.



The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,785

22 Mar 2019, 9:32 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Half of marriage end in divorce


Plenty of people are single, especially autistics



What is so bad about being single?

Being single in and of itself isn't bad. Being single when you want a relationship and have had some in the past isn't preferable, but it's not generally too mucb of a source of anguish, unreasonable to believe that a relationship is on the horizon for you. Being single when you've wanted a relationship over an extended period of time and it's never happened for you is a source of distress for many people in that situation, both because you crave the practical benefits of being in a romantic relationship, such as genuine physical and emotional intimacy in a romantic context, but also because you feel helpless and like you have no control over whether or not you have can have a romantic partner. Mastering a situation or circumstance breeds confidence, and you know when you've mastered a situation because things go the way you want them to. Consistently fail to master a situation or brings about feelings of powerlessness and helplessness, and you know when youve failed because things havent gone how you want them to.

When something is very important to you, and things never go even remotely close to the way you want them to with that thing despite your best efforts, that's a problem.


indeed... you are good at putting into words how I feel.

Probably because my feelings are similar.



Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

22 Mar 2019, 9:50 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Half of marriage end in divorce


Plenty of people are single, especially autistics



What is so bad about being single?

Being single in and of itself isn't bad. Being single when you want a relationship and have had some in the past isn't preferable, but it's not generally too mucb of a source of anguish, unreasonable to believe that a relationship is on the horizon for you. Being single when you've wanted a relationship over an extended period of time and it's never happened for you is a source of distress for many people in that situation, both because you crave the practical benefits of being in a romantic relationship, such as genuine physical and emotional intimacy in a romantic context, but also because you feel helpless and like you have no control over whether or not you have can have a romantic partner. Mastering a situation or circumstance breeds confidence, and you know when you've mastered a situation because things go the way you want them to. Consistently fail to master a situation or brings about feelings of powerlessness and helplessness, and you know when youve failed because things havent gone how you want them to.

When something is very important to you, and things never go even remotely close to the way you want them to with that thing despite your best efforts, that's a problem.


indeed... you are good at putting into words how I feel.

Probably because my feelings are similar.


It does feel like you tell me it's not ok for me to express my feelings, though.



The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,785

22 Mar 2019, 11:17 pm

Marknis wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Half of marriage end in divorce


Plenty of people are single, especially autistics



What is so bad about being single?

Being single in and of itself isn't bad. Being single when you want a relationship and have had some in the past isn't preferable, but it's not generally too mucb of a source of anguish, unreasonable to believe that a relationship is on the horizon for you. Being single when you've wanted a relationship over an extended period of time and it's never happened for you is a source of distress for many people in that situation, both because you crave the practical benefits of being in a romantic relationship, such as genuine physical and emotional intimacy in a romantic context, but also because you feel helpless and like you have no control over whether or not you have can have a romantic partner. Mastering a situation or circumstance breeds confidence, and you know when you've mastered a situation because things go the way you want them to. Consistently fail to master a situation or brings about feelings of powerlessness and helplessness, and you know when youve failed because things havent gone how you want them to.

When something is very important to you, and things never go even remotely close to the way you want them to with that thing despite your best efforts, that's a problem.


indeed... you are good at putting into words how I feel.

Probably because my feelings are similar.


It does feel like you tell me it's not ok for me to express my feelings, though.

I dont think Ive ever indicated anything of the sort. If I have, feel free to show me the quote to which you're referring.

There's nothing wrong with having these feelings, in fact it's pretty unavoidable, but if you immerse yourself in these feelings all the time and take no action to make things better for your future, you stay stuck.

It's fine to express your feelings, but it rubs people the wrong way when all you're doing is expressing the same feelings over and over again when good advice has been offered and you've chosen to ignore it rather than act in a way that is more likely in the long-term to diminish these feelings.