Attachment Issues

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I have tried CBT based Psychotherapy but I didn't find it useful. Most of the things she was saying I already knew about. I have had it suggested I give it another go but I am reluctant as I think if I already know things then what would I gain from that?

I agree. I don't want to lose the connection but now I feel that it is not my choice. Well, it never was and I have said this countless times to her, and she didn't say anything about it. Today I feel depressed. I don't want to do anything but sleep, and even that evades me. I just know it is going to be months before I receive a message from her. The longest I have ever gone is six months. I need to resolve this. Things have not been right since the conversation we had on New Year's Eve because I let things get the better of me.

She did say that she only talks to her friends once or twice a year because of how busy she is and that she talks to me a lot more than she does her sister... I am still confused as to why she would say that.

It's just so difficult

she said that, just to let u see the scale of her care for u. just so u understood she is giving u all she can. so u saw how much u matter to her. simple as that. i honestly know nothing of conventional shrink stuff, my only encounter with shrinks was a f*****g failure. basically i was given pills prescribtion for my depression and sent home. nothing was done to deal with my ptsd, paranoia etc. i had to slowly, with "try and f**k up, try again" methode, fix what i could for myself. still a lot way to go. work in progress, allways in progress. i told u what u can try to do about ur issue. like knowing and handling is different things, ukno)

Most churches would not care about this because they see it as a GREAT opportunity to win someone over, and it would also link you with older people and give you a stronger sense of community. Churches are pretty much the best way for any younger person to connect with the older generations and IMO it sounds like that is precisely what you need.



This is why Christianity tends to focus a lot of forgiveness because if you don't forgive people you end up stewing on the bad thoughts and you get resentful, the more you resent the more the negative thoughts start to ferment, and eventually this dysfunction causes self-destruction; you become that which you think, which is why it's important to always have good thoughts and to forgive, everyone is trying to make something work in life and most of us are just trying to shamble to the finish line with missing limbs and impairments, we're all broken. Which is why you have to forgive people who injured you, they're just as broken as you are.

Here is a lecture on Resentment and why you must learn to forgive in order to love and move on.



You have to assert in yourself that you're not a little girl anymore, nevertheless it doesn't mean that you can't have what the older generation should have given to you, but rather that you're no longer held hostage by the past. I think your mother's neglect is still holding you hostage, but you have to liberate yourself from the past, nobody has it perfect in this world, everyone is broken, some just hide it better than others, but once we realize that the world is a broken place we adjust our expectations accordingly. It's silly to expect peace from a broken world that has never known peace, or how can broken people fix you if they are broken themselves?

Forgive, do NOT stew on resentment, let your injuries go. You control them, they do NOT control you. Only by forgiving her and your mother do you make the original injury to no effect, and just like everyone else, they are trying to shamble to the finish line in a sad and sorry state. You have much more agency here than you think.

Interesting!


I have spent some time looking into church things but they don't seem to have any other events other than the usual mass meetings. When I was in my teens I used to go with two of my friends. This was two years after she left, and it didn't bother me then.


I think I have got stuck in the grieving process. I haven't been able to move through the stages of acceptance.


She said to me last year that she thinks I am angry with her for leaving and then angry at myself for having no reason to be angry at her. With her being so busy we can't have the communication I'd like and that at some point I might have to accept that things have happened.


Forgiveness and resentment can only be resolved if acceptance is happening. But I am terrible at accepting things. My husband has said countless times the way forwards acceptance but I hate the idea. It's like saying it's not a big deal or what happened doesn't matter. And of course, it is a big deal and it does matter.


And I know I am not helping myself with this belief either. But all my life I have had people telling me what happened to me didn't matter. And that's like saying I don't matter. And I know that's not it at all, but it's how it feels.


Maybe sometimes things don't have to be acceptable because things that happen to you matter and it's not acceptable to just brush them off without a second thought.