05 Jul 2019, 4:40 pm
05 Jul 2019, 4:43 pm
05 Jul 2019, 4:46 pm
05 Jul 2019, 4:48 pm
06 Jul 2019, 4:47 am
Angnix wrote:
Ironically while I was posting this last post, he had the housekeepers number too and said he needed it in his phone (he doesn't know how to add numbers to his phone). I said "what's so special about her number? You have me call everyone else?" He said "oh, so now your jealous? Why would I look for another woman when they all have the same parts? Nevermind" then he just quit.
Wow, now that's a horrible comment. It makes it sound like he's only together with you because he wants to have a woman whose body he can use, not because he loves you as a person!
But of course, it could be that he just said this 'cause he was annoyed and didn't really mean it. It's still a possibility, but after a comment like that, you should force him to sit down and talk things over. Comments like that are definitely toxic and something needs to be done, no matter if he meant it or not. Couple therapy might do you two some good, too.
06 Jul 2019, 5:10 am
^
That's truly an awful thing to say 
and the rest of his behaviour is really not cool either...
06 Jul 2019, 5:10 am
06 Jul 2019, 9:17 am
I hope everything goes ok and all is settled. That love returns between you two. 
06 Jul 2019, 1:05 pm
Angnix wrote:
So basically my counselor is saying our relationship sounds toxic... My husband doesn't want to take any responsibility as an adult but at the same time wants to control me...
This morning my husband wakes up and says "I smell bad, should I take a shower?" The very question annoyed the hell out of me, so I said he needs to make that decision himself. Then I pick up a pair of shorts and about to put them on, which he responded with "You would look better wearing this pair of pants" Angry that I can't even aparanty choose my own clothes anymore, I told him some suggestions from the therapist and he said "I am not married to the therapist, only you so what she says doesn't count" I got so mad I'm sitting downstairs now...
This morning my husband wakes up and says "I smell bad, should I take a shower?" The very question annoyed the hell out of me, so I said he needs to make that decision himself. Then I pick up a pair of shorts and about to put them on, which he responded with "You would look better wearing this pair of pants" Angry that I can't even aparanty choose my own clothes anymore, I told him some suggestions from the therapist and he said "I am not married to the therapist, only you so what she says doesn't count" I got so mad I'm sitting downstairs now...
Based on this particular post your husband doesn't seem toxic. But you're starting a story from the middle of the book here. You need to give more examples if you want proper answers.
06 Jul 2019, 1:07 pm
Angnix wrote:
He's making me mad today... There is now a lady coming in here to help with chores... She clearly says she's married and of course he's married to me, but he's asking her lots of personal questions, calling her "sweety", asking where she lives, etc... This is not the first time he's reacted this way toward women in the front of me, like when he gave the waitress his address and number or the letter he sent to another woman that was inappropriate......
This in my mind is about the final straw...
This in my mind is about the final straw...
And what was your reaction to this at the time?
06 Jul 2019, 1:09 pm
Angnix wrote:
Ironically while I was posting this last post, he had the housekeepers number too and said he needed it in his phone (he doesn't know how to add numbers to his phone). I said "what's so special about her number? You have me call everyone else?" He said "oh, so now your jealous? Why would I look for another woman when they all have the same parts? Nevermind" then he just quit.
Your husband is a prick. Leave him.
06 Jul 2019, 1:38 pm
IsabellaLinton wrote:
One thing my grandmother taught me is to never have "boyfriend secrets". That meant I shouldn't date anyone whose behaviour I would be ashamed to tell other people. Your husband is expecting you to hide his behaviour from your Facebook friends. I would say "You told me that giving out your number to a waitress is innocent, and no big deal. I have no reason to feel upset or ashamed of what you did. I'm posting it on Facebook, not because I'm jealous, but to teach others how they can make new friends in restaurants too. You said it's perfectly normal and acceptable, so why can't I tell others?"
That's very wise and I love the logic of it
What Angnix describes are unhealthy, toxic behaviors. I wouldn't equate them to inevitable divorce, many behaviors can be changed. The question is, is he willing to work on it?
Anyway, couple counselling - as they are typically focused on improving communication - would be a resonable first step towards any kind of change for the better.
06 Jul 2019, 3:00 pm
06 Jul 2019, 5:38 pm
magz wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
One thing my grandmother taught me is to never have "boyfriend secrets". That meant I shouldn't date anyone whose behaviour I would be ashamed to tell other people. Your husband is expecting you to hide his behaviour from your Facebook friends. I would say "You told me that giving out your number to a waitress is innocent, and no big deal. I have no reason to feel upset or ashamed of what you did. I'm posting it on Facebook, not because I'm jealous, but to teach others how they can make new friends in restaurants too. You said it's perfectly normal and acceptable, so why can't I tell others?"
That's very wise and I love the logic of it
What Angnix describes are unhealthy, toxic behaviors. I wouldn't equate them to inevitable divorce, many behaviors can be changed. The question is, is he willing to work on it?
Anyway, couple counselling - as they are typically focused on improving communication - would be a resonable first step towards any kind of change for the better.
Is a good idea of yours. It is soo easy to jump to the wrong conclusions and is why we must try to always think the best.
07 Jul 2019, 7:02 am
Mountain Goat wrote:
magz wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
One thing my grandmother taught me is to never have "boyfriend secrets". That meant I shouldn't date anyone whose behaviour I would be ashamed to tell other people. Your husband is expecting you to hide his behaviour from your Facebook friends. I would say "You told me that giving out your number to a waitress is innocent, and no big deal. I have no reason to feel upset or ashamed of what you did. I'm posting it on Facebook, not because I'm jealous, but to teach others how they can make new friends in restaurants too. You said it's perfectly normal and acceptable, so why can't I tell others?"
That's very wise and I love the logic of it
What Angnix describes are unhealthy, toxic behaviors. I wouldn't equate them to inevitable divorce, many behaviors can be changed. The question is, is he willing to work on it?
Anyway, couple counselling - as they are typically focused on improving communication - would be a resonable first step towards any kind of change for the better.
Is a good idea of yours. It is soo easy to jump to the wrong conclusions and is why we must try to always think the best.
Actually, I'd say that "thinking of the best" is a really bad move on these things and likely to get people hurt. What's for the best is to look at things from a logical ankle. If things look very bad, it's good to recommend a break up. If things look bad but fixable, giving different suggestions like therapy and how to talk to the other person is the right course of action (and I think that might be the case here). If it seems like someone is making a fuss out of nothing, it's good to point out that, too, before things can escalate. People just "hoping for the best" is often the reason why some stay in violent or otherwise toxic relationships without even trying to get help way longer than they should.
07 Jul 2019, 11:37 am
Today he's back to the hospital... Anyway ironically the number for the hoysekeeper was really her husband's phone, lol, and her husband called ME checking up on the housekeepers to make sure she was there...
Anyway hopefully this week I get to find out about jobs.
