Pain

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I was talking to a friend about that at the weekend. We know unhappy people in relationships too.

That makes me feel more depressed. You're damned of you do, you're damned if you don't. There's no happiness in anything romance related and yet we have this inbuilt instinct for it. Unless you're one of the lucky minority who are stable enough and find someone stable enough and who can have a good relationship.

Is there a lack of education for people in terms of interpersonal skills and how to treat partners? What is so wrong with us all? No one is happy.

I miss that feeling of falling in love. I believed I had found someone who felt the same way last year. He seemed really happy, but all of a sudden he changed his mind.

While things were good it was lovely. I enjoyed it. I'd like to experience that for a bit longer, maybe a year or two, isn't that how long the honeymoon phase is meant to last? All I ever get is a little blip in time, a few weeks or a couple of months of flirting and then I get rejected.

I don't feel societal pressure. I am a caring person who feels like I'm meant to love someone. It's an internal thing. It's who I am. I just can find a willing participant.

There's certain friends I have in real life who when I talk to them about this will say things like, "you don't need someone else to complete you. You can be happy on your own."

Which I totally agree with.

But I feel like they are not seeing me. I have a pretty good life. I'm getting on well. It's like they're ignoring all the good things and think I'm ignoring all the good things too when they say that. Like they are reducing me to the trope of sad, single person. I'm more than that. I just want someone to share my life with and everyone I've interviewed so far hasn't cared about me and that hurts. It really hurts.

But they pat me on the head and say that it shouldn't hurt that bad, just focus on the good things. I can for so long, but I'm still human and I still get lonely.

On the bright side, if there's no particular trait that keeps getting mentioned when you ask what's bad about you then that's likely to mean that none of your faults are that bad.

I just don't understand why single men aren't interested in me. I'm pretty awesome. I've got loads of great qualities. I'm responsible. I'm funny. I'm caring. I'm apparently beautiful, though I'm getting old.

I try and improve myself. I work towards goals.

Yet nothing I ever do is good enough. I'm just never enough. It's so disheartening. It's really difficult not to feel ugly and unattractive.

It's just hurts. And I'm yet again passed over for someone better. Watching from the sidelines as someone I really cared about falls in love with someone he views as better than me.

It hurts so much. And there's nothing I can do about it.

I just want the pain to go away. I wish someone would give me a chance. See something lovable in me.

I'm so hurt.

You sound like my daughter. My daughter sounds like me before I met her father. I met her father when I was 30. We've been married since 1993. I thought I would be alone my whole life and told a therapist I was going to accept that as a truth. I never stopped looking for companionship though. I met my husband in 1991 when I took out a lonely hearts advertisement in "Philadelphia" Magazine. Out of about 50 replies, only two were normal. The first gentlemen stood me up. The man who was to be my husband fell in love with me on the spot. I fell in love with him too but not until the second date. We dated about one year and a half and got married. We are both somewhere on the spectrum and so is my daughter. I have someone in mind for her but she isn't interested. We'll see.

You can't really force a connection if there isn't one there. It may not even grow with time. If she's not interested in him now that probably won't change.

I also worry that people only add me on FB to stroke their egos, from having a certain number of friends.

Nobody wants to actually *be* a friend.

I'm feeling a bit better

Sometimes it just gets so overwhelming.

So many people around me getting into relationships. I've muted a lot on Instagram so I don't have to see their annoying happy faces.

I didn't ever want to become the bitter old spinster, but I can't cope any more. I can't pretend to just be ok with my life.

I've got to be real sometimes.

Indulge me for a little bit, then I'll pick myself up and get on with the goals I have.

Is understandable.

Do you have any hobbies/special interests? For me, I can easily spend ages in them.

I do a bit a amature photography. I've just got a new camera that I have no idea how to use, so I'm trying to learn what all the features do.

I can't wait for winter to be over so that I can go out and take photos. It's been too windy and bitterly cold for me lately.

I know that no one's life is fair. But I can't believe I'm one of the people who slipped through the cracks.

I don't want to be alone.