I don't want to live anymore

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I like your reply, and agree a lot with what you say. You seem to get what I'm talking about. Especially this:



Most of my friends suck. I'm open about it here. They don't have the time for me as I do for them. Before anyone thinks that it's wrong for me to backstab them, let me say this: If they were in the same situation I was in a few years ago, I would have let any of them stay with me. Only a couple of them offered this to me (I'm grateful to them for this) but none of the others gave too much of a damn whether I lived or died. One of them talks to me more now even though a few years back I told him once, without moaning, that I wanted to die and if he would please talk to me, and he and his GF never replied to me. I still don't forgive either of them. My idea of friendship is that you're always there for them (in actions, as you say) and it's not good enough otherwise. I need new friends, I'm way overdue. Most (not all) are really crap.

I have wondered if you were ok, someone mentioned that you had logged in on the people you miss threads or another one, I cant remember.

I can relate to friends being fairweather, back then I realised that the only person I can rely on is me. It hurt like hell at a time when I truly needed help, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. For what its worth, WP is a limited but reliable source of support. It got me through when I was going through a rough patch and very alone.

I've just submitted a form for purchasing Nembutal. Probably going to wait, then do some more research. Going to see how that turns out. It seems you have to do research into it as obtaining the substance is not that easy.

Feels a bit weird typing out the above, it's just research. I'm not necessarily going to purchase it. It's just an option.

Thanks Amity. It does hurt like hell knowing most people don't give a damn. Not necessarily out of hate, but because you aren't an important person. Status in society is earned (then abused) or given to a child straightaway if they're lucky.

I don't like society and how it runs. I don't like how people work. People are closeminded, short term and don't give a damn. And they think they're good at working out other people when they're f*cking s**t at it.

Yeah I struggle from time to time with those feelings of being disposable in other peoples eyes. For me it came from family, then friends, then a husband, I say screw them.
Honestly F them all, they are idiots.
Dont let idiots determine how you value yourself Smudge.

Well said ^

Which thread was that?

There’s a thread in what I believe is “members only” which has people writing about who they miss on WP.

I hope you are feeling at least a little better.

This one I think, it could have been another one either

viewtopic.php?t=386174

This One, about halfway down page one: Isabella asked if anyone had seen you, I checked your profile page to see when you’d last been active and reported back that at that point it was over a month ago, and ended with the “ “ emoji due to being not sure if that meant you were happily taking a break, or had come down with a bad case of the plague.

Hi, Smudge.

The place honestly wouldn't be the same without you. Hang around.

If 'normals' don't like you, it's their loss. Think of it that way, because that's the truth. You're in this world whether they like it or not. If they don't like it, remember the motto of the Order of the Garter: 'Honi soit qui mal y pense'. Take that to heart.

Low dose or high? Not high I hope.

am a pragmatic aspie , does not mean i do not feel for yur situation. but have had deepest depression , and spent many years wishing to self terminate. Queried repeately my psyche docs about euthanizing myself .. health and circumstances appeared to allow for NO other decision . Knowing if used the S word they would relieve me of any ability to self terminate . But at some point in my life years prior to my S.O.s demise.. experienced a significant treatment based on using magnetism to improve blood flow to area of the brain that was associated with treatment resistant depression.
Had studied and researched this mechanism with great vigour , Sought out other research that would indicate that it would not be successful but found none , interveiwed person whom had been through earliest clinical trials . Before engaging in participation in later more commercial clinical trials .
It was a mind freeing experience . Not a permanent fix but lasted many years .So please research all avenues before making such a permanent decision .
My heart goes out to you ... given your situation.

Lethal.

What is Nembutal? Please don't do anything irrational Smudge!

Smudge. We allneed you. You are a good person. Sure there are seasons in life... Like the weather. Just wait for the next good season to come, and it will come.
Question. Do you believe in God? What about Jesus? Cling onto Him. He will pull you through.