I am barely holding it together

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Gifted-Monster
Deinonychus
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30 Jul 2020, 12:25 am

I am right now on the ragged edge. I have taken to hurting myself, though not badly or often to keep myself in check.

My auntie seems to believe I was the reason she broke her shoulder a year ago. And apparently, because I refuse to wear a mask when I am out with nobody around for over a hundred meters, I apparently don't "care about anyone."

So that's one auntie who has gone on my shitlist for being a raging whore of a family member, meaning I can't rely on her.

She also doesn't want the support worker coming in because she has "nothing in common" with them, but then she turns right the f**k around and has me help her do s**t, such as helping her change her insurance policy.

I am fit to scream.


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Sylkat
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30 Jul 2020, 6:08 pm

Sounds like you live with her, or her with you.
She really belongs in a facility, however, if you are sharing her home, you will undoubtedly need to find a place.
Sounds like you do not work full-time; you will have rent, utilities, first-and-last, pet deposit, and an apartment full of furniture to buy.
Contacting a social worker and together arranging residential or end-of life care is ONLY taking care of her needs, not yours.
Please look into the price of local rentals-especially furnished; you may not have the options you expect.
If you are both in her home, if/ when you arrange facility care, I don’t think your family will allow you to stay there rent-free.
In the long run, you may be better off staying in her home, and getting a 2 or 3 day-a-week home care worker.
You will still be doing 75% of her care, but will still have a home.


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idntonkw
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31 Jul 2020, 11:22 pm

Why not take a https://www.redcross.org/take-a-class/cna/cna-training a Nursing Assistant training course from the Red Cross and then get paid for taking care of your mom from the state?



playgroundlover22695
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01 Aug 2020, 7:49 pm

Your post resonates with me quite well. You see, when I was only 8 years old my mother had a major stroke. She's had two more since then. I am not truly alone thankfully because my dad is here to help but I feel your frustration. The effort it takes to figure out what she's saying is very tiring. My parents often argue because of it. We just bought her another mobility scooter on Thursday with a nice basket and when we got home she wanted it off. I screamed at her in spades about how tired of dealing with all of her medical issues I was. I yelled so bad that I had to go in the kitchen, sit down, and massage my abdomen while taking deep breaths to calm down. I just feel like everyday it's something. And CNA's? You mean those people that come into your house, say they work for the handicapped but then steal clothing and lay on your couch eating all your food? Yeah, we've had those before. Now my dad and I just do everything ourselves. My mom does what she can and she is able to feed herself but it's still stressful. Plus, even on my worst day I lie to my parents because I don't want to put more stress on them. I feel like I need time to process my own emotional issues properly which are unrelated to my mom's stroke but I always push them aside and wear a brave face all day because of her. It's not that she's a bad mom, she's great but it's just sometimes even though I'm 25, I want to be held for awhile. I want my back rubbed for awhile and I want to be told everything's okay while I cry on her shoulders. It's not that she'd say no or refuse. It's just that I'm too proud to ask. Trust me, I know what you're going through and it's not that you want her dead. You just want someone to step up and tell you they understand and that everything will be okay without being asked. Feel free to PM me if you wish to talk further.



Gifted-Monster
Deinonychus
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09 Dec 2020, 7:51 am

And it just keeps getting worse. We just got our bathroom renovated under NDIS which is nice and I got two weeks away which was nice. Except instead of being able to truly enjoy myself, I had her calling every day. Then on the final two days she suffered a fall in respite and struck her head. Cue me getting bombared with phone calls demanding I come in and bring in her valium, that she's going to rip her catheter out, etc etc. And in respite she couldn't even take her pills correctly, even though they were all partitioned out correctly.

And now just a few days ago she had ANOTHER fall which left a two-three inch gash in her head. Got it stitched up at hospital fine but now it just shows she cannot be trusted on her own.

It's worse than having a child to take care of. At this point I don't give two s**ts if she dies screaming, I just hope it's soon.


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idntonkw
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11 Dec 2020, 12:22 am

Gifted-Monster wrote:
And it just keeps getting worse. We just got our bathroom renovated under NDIS which is nice and I got two weeks away which was nice. Except instead of being able to truly enjoy myself, I had her calling every day. Then on the final two days she suffered a fall in respite and struck her head. Cue me getting bombared with phone calls demanding I come in and bring in her valium, that she's going to rip her catheter out, etc etc. And in respite she couldn't even take her pills correctly, even though they were all partitioned out correctly.

And now just a few days ago she had ANOTHER fall which left a two-three inch gash in her head. Got it stitched up at hospital fine but now it just shows she cannot be trusted on her own.

It's worse than having a child to take care of. At this point I don't give two s**ts if she dies screaming, I just hope it's soon.


Sorry this situation happened to you. Most people can't manage this. Do your best, but don't be hard on yourself. taking care of one person in this situation requires ten people in my opinion. As an autistic, you have limited emotional and executive functioning reserves. This is not a good situation for you and you cannot take care of her due to your own burn out and autistic limitations. My life is easier than yours, but I am barely holding it together as well. You should not be in charge of your mom's personal daily care, but it happens to some people in life, usually it's the daughter or the husband or the sister though.



idntonkw
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12 Dec 2020, 3:16 am

Do something nice for yourself - meditate, decorate your room, watch a movie, play a game..



Sylkat
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15 Dec 2020, 9:27 am

Who owns the house?
If she owns it outright, if you do get her into care, where will you go?
Have you looked into rentals?
SERIOUSLY!
Shop for apartments, even studios.
You may find that you will wind up in a single room in someone’s home;
Sharing a bathroom, taking turns in the kitchen, having your food constantly stolen from the refrigerator.
I have lived in that situation; it CAN happen!
You ARE indeed burdened more than you can bear, but you must look at the reality of what comes next if she goes into care.
A 2-3 day a week health care worker paid for by Social Security is your best bet.
You NEED to get your name added to the home ownership.
I believe your legal/financial situation is precarious.
You need to see her will.
The state MAY split everything evenly, no matter who kept her going during the last part of her life.
Sounds to me that your family members will happily force the sale of her home and possessions, everyone getting an even split.
It HAS happened.
Please take this seriously.


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