What if I'm really a heartless psychopath?

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Never forget when I first joined a chat site and someone asked why I was shouting. I said I wasn't. I was typing so there was no noise. The person told me I was using capital letters. I did not know how to change them to lower case as it was the computer doing its own thing again!

There is an incorrect perception about what is a psychopaths or how does a psychopath behave.

For some reason (probably from films) that a psychopath is someone who has frequent emotional or violent out bursts.
I believe that this is why some may think people with ASD are psychopaths because we have problems caused by our abnormal neurological presentation / brain damage.

What we suffer however is related to how our brains are abnormally wired and how various systems of our brains react differently to normal, which involuntarily triggers us to behave in a certain way. Such behaviour isn't out of choice but caused by our abnormal neurological presentation.

It may look like we are psychopaths to others, who do not know we have ASD, who may perceive our behaviours as the traits of psychopathy.

Also, some may observe the lack of empathy (due to being unable to put ourselves in the shoes of others) as the sign that we are psychopaths.

I however would say that the lack of empathy in some ASD sufferers is caused by their own overwhelming experience of sensory experiences in life, that they are more absorbed by their own experiences and less able to think about others.

This also does not make a person a psychopath/sociopath.

Just because a person can not put themselves in the place of another, does not mean that we are intentionally trying to hurt anyone, and does not mean that we are trying to manipulate anyone.

We simply have a condition that causes us problems in how we experience the world compared to others.

Ooh. Sociopath is another word I can't remember.

differences between sociopath and psychopath explained

Please find above a link that explains the differences between sociopath and psychopath labels.

Again, may i reiterate that the behaviours that sometimes are exhibited by people with ASD may appear to an uneducated or even manipulative onlooker that the person with ASD is a sociopath due to the behaviours that they exhibit, at least in a superficial sense that perhaps suits the onlooker.

However, having ASD can cause a person to involuntarily react to what sensory / emotional stimulus that the person with ASD may face, and some of these involuntary reactions can cause what appear from the outside as antisocial behaviour (for example, meltdowns). Exhibiting such behaviour caused by an involuntary reaction caused by abnormal neurological make up does not make a person a sociopath, no more that a NT exhibiting antisocial behaviour if they experience a sensory overload themselves (such as getting a broken leg or experience other problems coping with the amount of sensory or emotional information).

There may be sociopath people who wish to label people with ASD who suffer from behaviour issues that the sociopath actually causes, so as to manipulate onlookers perception to think that their victim the person with ASD is the sociopath or psychopath. My ex-wife was like that.

She caused meltdowns in me intentionally so that she could then point the finger and make out that she was being mentally abused because i had meltdowns. By doing so, she actually proved she was the sadistic party in the relationship even though i at times exhibited what looked from the outside to be antisocial behaviour.

I was simply suffering from ASD, and being treated to psychological abuse by my ex-wife, so she could provoke what looked like to the uneducated eye was abusive behaviour, when in fact, what was really happening was a sadistic abusive woman was abusing someone with a neurological developmental disorder and disability and then using her abuse of the person with a disability to get sympathy from others while accusing the abused of being abusive.

Doing so, in NT terms would like one member of a marriage relationship intentionally abusing their partner in order to provoke a reaction, and once the reaction is present, then claiming that they were being abused.

Such manipulative behaviour is more fitting the term Sociopath or psychopath than anything I have ever done.
Manipulation is something that people with ASD aren't known to be great at and generally due to rigid morals and sense of justice, tend to stay away from.

Other manipulative behaviour of ex-wife/lily would be to cyber stalk her victim (me) on the internet, to a ASD support group website and then make a profile pretending to be me so that she could then confess to being the person who caused all the trouble ever, speaking not as her self but as her victim.

Such behaviour is most certainly sociopathic and sadistic, to me proves the lower mindedness of such a person.

But my outbursts weren't actually caused by sensory stimuli. Sometimes they were caused by routine change, or something that made me angrily anxious, but mostly they were caused by my insecurities and getting frustrated with myself.
I was insecure because of being the only Aspie out of my cousins and wanting to be 'normal' just like them. I would get envious, which was a problem I had since childhood. One time, when I was about 18 or 19, I got so envious, that I sent a rather unpleasant message to one of my cousins because she had announced on MSN that she had been out clubbing with some sexy guys, and I just felt so triggered by it because that was what I knew I should be doing but wasn't doing because my Asperger's held me back. Then after I apologized to her, the anger I felt wasn't dealt with yet, so I ran out of my bedroom and started screaming and crying to my mum, saying things like "why am I here?" and hitting myself in the face. And this was what my poor mum had to deal with.

But when I wasn't in one of these moods, I was very pleasant to be around. Do you think I might have been bipolar?

If you find yourself asking yourself if. You are , then most likely are not one of those , a complete lack of conscience
Pretty much typifies this type of personality . And has the ability to prolly verbally mask such behaviors.
But the lack of conscience is the leading behavior.

Don't worry about the way you were in your past to much. You can only try to do better in your future. The people who are living with you won't like to stay with you if you would be as awful as you imagine. The NTs who are suffering because of their aspie spouse are mostly narcissists who feel not woreshipped enough. Don't give to much on that. Stop thinking bad about yourself. There aren't as much perfectly nice people. Think about how many NTs become divorced! They aren't perfect as well.
It's the dark time of the year and that staying in because of nasty wheather that makes depressive. Try to get more out in the sunlight and to move more outside of your flat once you have some the time for that.

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I am as I am. Life has to be an adventure!

Psychopaths do not feel guilt nor do they tend to worry about being 'found out'.

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Thank you everyone in this thread for listening and understanding.

Both me and my brother are on the spectrum, but he was diagnosed as PDD-NOS, while I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome and ADHD. Since early childhood I have always been overly expressive, while my brother has always been more withdrawn about his emotions. I've always been "here I am! I am feeling this way and everybody must know!" while my brother has always been "I'm feeling this way, I'm going to just hide away quietly until I feel better".

I think maybe my ADHD contributed to my outbursts, or tempers. Hyperactivity isn't just a small child jumping off furniture and causing havoc. Hyperactivity can present itself in other ways in adults, especially women, and in my case overexpressing emotion was my 'hyperactivity', and it was also caused by impulsivity, like "I can't do anything else until I have expressed to my family how I'm feeling in the most melodramatic way". This was how I got the diagnosis of ADHD.
I'm just worried that I'm still capable of such behaviour but I am just shielded from it by taking Sertraline. I'm still very expressive but not via outbursts. Since I've been taking Sertraline my hyperactivity has actually turned into overexcitement.

I did respond to this but maybe I must have deleted my response....but like i you are worried about being a total psychopath you probably aren't one. You may have some sociopathy, which means it could be harder for you to relate to peoples feelings or whatever.

But that does't even make you a 'bad person' like in that case you can still learn more about interacting and stuff. Also I have heard that a lot of paramedics at least have some sociopathic tendencies, but the context was like they may not get as freaked out by the injuries so they can maintain more calmness while helping someone. So for sure if it does turn out you are further on the psychopath or sociopath spectrum you can still use that in a good way. It certainly does not mean you are destined to be a terrible person.

For a little while I hung out a bit with a younger woman who figured she had sociopathy(she was a friend of room-mates I ws living with at the time), but like she was a nice girl and even though she couldn't relate to everything she certainly didn't want to like harm people.but she couldn't really like empathize with a lot of things LIke she ws interesting to talk to but yeah, some of what she described sounded pretty weird....But she was a nice person and wasn't out to harm anyone but she did more than one mention that she was a sociopath. I remember one of the first times she said that to me and my brother and welll we just still welcomed her to come talk to us while smoking weed. It was like oh you are a sociopath, well hey come smoke a bowl and chill....or don't smoke but still come and chill. LIke Idk we talked to her and for sure tried to make her feel less bad about herself for that admission. Haven't heard from her lately but I do hope she is doing ok still. Cause did seem she was a little depressed but still certainly going on with life.

I guess the point of that is, well even if one has some sociopathy that does't have to mean they are destined to be awful. If I recall that girl was working on getting certified as a paramedic, paramedics save people so like you know she was not such a bad person after all. Even if she did have some sociopathy.