I Tried To Kill Myself

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You are cared about.
You matter.
You are in this world for a reason.
You are supposed to be here.
Someday you will say something, do something, maybe post something compassionate and understanding on WP that will make THE difference for someone who will know that YOU understand sadness that most people cannot.
By the way, I really resent the burdens and obligations of being a grown-up, too.
Please know that you are our friend and we care about you.

Talk to us if you need to.

You don’t know. This wasn’t about the virus.

I had another hard time.

what happened?

I’m having a bad day, I was a little happy today, I got more groceries, the delivery guy was nice enough to bring in my groceries & put them on the kitchen floor, I asked him, cuz I can’t go on my porch, cuz it would be tooooo hard for me, I have feet& leg pain, I’m using my wheelchair. I was crying earlier about how to get my vaccination for the virus. Later, I was crying again, cuz of what I need to do. I’m calm now, I’m relax. Having a cat is great, she made me smile & laugh, she was playing with her fave toy, avocado, it also a dental toy, I read it good for her teeth. When I get very upset, very overwhelmed & soooo scared, I feel like a little girl wanting her mommy & I cry too, I feel like I’m going very mentally crazy. I’m afraid of having another mental breakdown.

Do you think if someone was actively checking on you every day you would be handling your fears (are they anxieties?) better?
I experience abandonment anxiety every evening. It would have probably helped in my case.
Do you have someone you talk to regularly? Obviously besides the forum.

Kitty, we all gotta take things one step at a time, we can't let ourselves worry about all the things in life. we have to limit ourselves to one thing at a time we can point to and say, "I CAN DO THIS ONE THING NOW." i find it helpful if i write a list of things on paper with check boxes next to each item. i call this "my brains on paper." anyways, you can write these things down just as soon as you think of them each night before you go to bed, that you need or want to do the next day. when you wake up, you will have this paper to help you, it will prevent you from being indecisive, you will know what you have to do because you wrote it right down on the paper. you can do each thing on your list, and when you do each thing, you put a check mark next to it, so you won't have to worry about that thing anymore. i hope this makes sense.

I think if someone check on me, it would be better. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I have some friends in my town,but it can be hard to talk to them. I have a cat, she loves to snuggle with me & sleep on me, she also love to bite me

^^^love bites.

My cat loves to attack my ankles when I walk across the kitchen, he grabs them and lies down and bunny-kicks them. He thinks we’re playing, doesn’t understand that I’m not having fun. Cats also seem to get overstimulated sometimes, both cats I’ve had will have times where they’re purring and making happy-face as I love on them and then suddenly without any warning bite me, and I think that’s what’s happening then.

With everything that happening to me, my feet are soooo numb & sore, my lower legs have pain (it’s because I broke & dislocated my ankle almost three years ago, I had to learn to walk on my other foot, since I have cerebral palsy too & it can effect my feet & legs, walking on my other foot, I think it damaged my foot & that leg, my bones in my lower leg didn’t healed after my ankle wasn’t broken anymore, this same thing happened to my elbow) I have more pain in my hand, my wrist, my knees can hurt, my upper arm can hurt, my hip can hurt. My speech can bad, I’m having pretty bad anxiety everyday, I was breathing too fast. I’m making small coffee with less coffee beans once a day, I think it helping with my anxiety. And having alot to do in life & in my apartment, I can get very overwhelmed & very emotional, cuz it tooooo much. I been staying in bed longer until the afternoon, by staying in bed, I have less pain & feel safe & happier. And I don’t feel like I hate myself, that nobody cares about me.

It is not love bites when I’m bleeding so much, before she bite me, she act so different,she sounds like a different cat, her tail is wagging, her eyes are different, she has a different noise, a growl, hissing sound something like that, I have spray bottles. Very early this morning after 4, she bite me twice, one on my arm & another on my other wrist, my wrist was bleeding sooo much.

^^^those cats if they were mine, would have to find another home. you don't deserve to be bitten!

Do you by chance have a cat tower in your house/apartment? Sometimes cats can get fighty if they don't have like surfaces to perch on..so may be worth looking into getting something like that if you don't have one. The cat I grew up with would do that sometimes he'd just get crazy and attack from time to time, got a lot of bloody ankles that way. But he was an outdoor/indoor cat so he rarely did it to me but when he did it was like he was a different cat for a minute. But he was or at least always acted half wild so like even if we had tried keeping him inside he probably would have found a way out. But sometimes inside cats can get a bit aggressive if they aren't getting enough stimulation, a cat tower kind of gives them a thing of their own that they can hang out on and can sometimes make cats more comfortable in the inside environment.

We can talk if you need someone to talk to. I don't have a lot of people to talk to either.

My parents have a bity and scratchy cat right now, my hands are constantly covered in scratches and small wounds, but my own reflexes have gotten better. Careful with the bites, cats carry some nasty bacteria in their mouths and you can get blood poisoning from that. Happened to my mom when she got bit on the wrist by our old cat.