I've lost everything in my life and feel like I'm in hell

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If psychiatry and meds aren’t working, can you be referred to a trauma psychologist?

Sending hugs again.

Sorry about the loss of your job, and getting beaten up.

And about all that triggers you.

And about your dad, too. I hope you spend time with him.

Have you been able to get another job since then?

Right now I work for my uncle's restaurant as a cashier. I hope to work my way up to manager one day unless I find a beer job

At least that's something. It's good to be aware of the positive---even if it doesn't outweigh the negative at the moment.

I once worked as a cashier a long time ago. It can be a pretty difficult job----especially if you have lots of customers.

I hope things improve soon. You have been through such a lot. Can leave one shelshocked.

Hugs salad

Am amazed you survived all you did ! Your experiences you have been through are over the top for any person , all inside of one year . Am hoping you can express some of the stuff you need to get off your soul , so that maybe you can progress slowly towards a better future . Have found out that just turning the volume off on TV News that disturb me . If for no other reason than to give me practice identifying mental triggers .
Am S o sorry you went through all you have And are having to endure . Be patient with yourself , maybe realize that you may need to take time for yourself to heal when this gets over with .
Take Care of yourself please and your Dad aswell as you can . Seek help when you can get it , with your Dad.
Hope you can get some support here when you feel to write to the site.

everyone would struggle with all the things you went through

no kidding. just the near death beating itself robbed all of 2020 from me. Add in the rest of the difficulties and this year has been hell

thanks

Insane that life could s**t on you so much in such a short time. That's really f****d up. If I remember right, didn't you also lose your friend to suicide last year shortly before you left WP? (((hugs)))

My friend, who was also my cousin and surrogate brother (in Middle Eastern culture babies who are suckled by the same mother for a period of time become brothers, which he and I were both breast-fed by my biological mom making him my surrogate brother) did indeed commit suicide a year earlier

And if you think what I said was crazy do know that I censored a TON of details. 2020 was the most brutal year of my life and the amount of ways it screwed me over actually feels like I'm living in a nightmare. If I were to tell you just how insane 2020 was you'd think I made up some of the details just to earn pity points when nothing im saying was or is made up. for example if you checked my previous threads you'd know that in 2020 my brother was shot by the gang and almost died:

viewtopic.php?f=23&t=384585&p=8444942#p8444942

On my mom's birthday for a fun family gathering and birthday outing right after my brother survived being shot I had to deal with mega racists:

viewtopic.php?f=23&t=384631&p=8446117#p8446117

Due to the Covid mask enforcement I was banned from just about most stores, including places that I used to enjoy as safe havens, because I literally am unable to wear a mask without fainting. when I tried citing medical exemptions many places like Barnes and Noble, Whole Foods, the library and more refused so I spent most of my year stuck indoors

a former close friend that year betrayed me by stealing my story that I was writing and ripped it up out of jealousy, when that story was a story I had spent my whole life writing. hence why he's now a "former" close friend

in the Fall 2020 semester I entered unprepared mentally and needed space to heal and move my life forward through some miracle, and luckily that miracle came. my professor promised me if I can submit a work of art that involves complex math I can have all my homework assignments for that semester turned into an A automatically, thus giving me a way to pass that semester that I was failing due to a hellish mental health emergency. I spent that entire semester skipping all my homework assignments to work on this vast project, a novel involving math as a work of art, and I was hinging my semester passing that class on finishing that art work. the day I was just about to submit my work of art the most unlucky hell happened: right as I was motioning my phone over the art to scan it and submit it electronically, I all of a sudden vomitted all over my novel and wiped out the entire thing in a sea of DISGUSTING vomit. I punched the wall in my house so hard after that. and that's how I failed my math class

the next week I had a computer science final due. conveniently my Mac locked me out and decided not to accept my password. the only way to open my Mac according to the Apple Store was to wipe clean the operating system, which erased all my projects, homework and even the final for that class, causing me to fail spectacularly.

there's a ton more that happened in 2020, but trust me when I say I was not spared at ALL in 2020. not at all

Was today OK? I hope you're finding periods of neutrality or solace, even one day at a time.

Brutal man! I really can empathize with having so many problems that you can't even narrate them all, that struggle of even finding someone who would understand all that. I hear you.

No, today was hell. In my frustration at how garbage my life has been and how badly ive been screwed I decided to rage and during a major mental breakdown and rage episode I destroyed my computer, my table, punch my wall as hard as I could, and ripped and smashed to pieces my portrait in my room

I feel intense anger and rage and like im in hell

after the rage episode when I realized I destroyed almost all my precious artifacts and gifts I fell to the floor crying and sobbing uncontrollably at how much I cant take this suffering and just want to be happy and not screwed over so hard

Rage due to the results of a head injury, or due to trigger events that really pissed you off? The former may be harder to control, the latter I'd imagine one could learn to control better.

What about exercise? Are you able to get out for long walks/jogs? Or go cycling/swimming? Getting blood flowing in a healthy way is sure to make anyone think clearer & feel better.