What do I do about this situation with a woman at work?

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Succinct and to the point. I totally agree.

I agree with KK that both girls are probably playing games with you. It's possible that only #2 is playing games with both of you. I would only go with that assumption if you think #1 is someone who would be susceptible to being played like that.

I don't think #1 was playing games but I am going to tell #2 that I feel like she came on way too strong and I feel sexually harrassed now, and then decide where to go from there, if that's best?

Ironpony, this is off topic a bit but can you please respond to my email sent you?

Okay thanks. I did this and judging from her reaction she does not appear to be in on it.

Women normally do this, just as men do. When I'm talking to my female friends, I am quite curious about what men (or women!) they find attractive. This is especially fun with my single friends. (I'm polyamorous and have two husbands and a boyfriend.) I have a female friend who is a nurse, and she tells me a lot about her work; they gossip a lot there, even though most of the nurses aren't close.

It may seem "random" but many people just find this sort of information entertaining to share and receive.



One thing that might be useful to discern is whether the two women were sort of "in on it" together from the beginning. Perhaps woman1 told you about woman2's comment in the first place because this was a sort of game they were playing. Of course, woman1 might have wanted you to turn woman2 down in a strong way to indicate your interest in woman1 more strongly. If so, that's a red flag about woman1 anyhow. Only really catty, pessimistic, competitive women would behave in this way.



This particular part is what makes me think they were "in on it" together the whole time. Or, possible, woman2 is very catty and competitive and noticed woman1 being interested in you and intentionally did her best to ruin it.



It is possible that it would have been wise to write, "Look, you're coming on too strong for me. No thank you." Playing along is great for information gathering, but being direct is great for long-term clarity.



Honestly, I think you dodged a bullet. It seems like woman1 is likely to be a distrustful, competitive woman, even if she seems very nice most of the time. This strange course of events is revealing to you something about her nature that you otherwise would have had to been in a close relationship with her to see.

If you think I'm wrong about this (afterall, I only have a small bit of writing to go on), then go ahead and explain all of this to her. I expect, though, that she won't be very understanding based on how quickly she jumped to conclusions based on a screenshot sent to her by an obviously ill-intentioned woman. (Why would woman2 send that to woman1 for any other reason than to be hurtful and competitive?)

I think threatening with sexual harassment isn't classy (for a woman or a man) and should only be done in situations where you genuinely can't handle the situation yourself. In this case it is unlikely that woman2 is going to try to rape you. She just sent you some words on facebook. There's no reason to escalate things. Honestly, that might be just the sort of drama that woman2 wants. Instead, just tell her you're not into her if she presses you in the future.

You don't know what the relationship is, if any, between co-worker 1 and co-worker 2. So it's not necessarily all that strange that co-worker 2 would say such a thing to co-worker 1.

What is strange is that co-worker 1 would pass along co-worker 2's remarks to you. Can you tell us a bit more of the context in which co-worker 1 told you this? Or did she just say it out of the blue?

How did she react, exactly? What did she say?

Also how did you tell her? What did you say?

I fully agree. No need to escalate things by even mentioning "sexual harassment" with either of these women, or with the boss, at least for now.

To ironpony: If co-worker #2 contacts you again, I think you should specifically tell her, as nicely as you can, that you're just not into her. Don't just ignore her. If she persists after you tell her you're not into her, then it might be appropriate to complain to the boos about her behavior.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 30 Mar 2021, 6:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I agree with not doing the "sexual harassment" thing.

I agree with what Mona said.

Or, both coworkers are friends and coworker 1 tested your faithfullness with the help of coworker 2. You were expexted to outright reject coworker 2 by saying that you are already going out with coworker 1. You didn't do it so now you are deemed "not serious", or "not reliable", because you kept "option 2" open just is case it doesnt work out with coworker 1.

In any case, dont pursue neither of coworkers. It's not nice of them to play these games with you.

is #2 Your Type ? .. Do You Even Like Her ? .. Sexual Harrassment involves Actual Physical Forcement . if #2 Literally Said Everything You Stated . its Just Aggressive Tactics To Get it With You . Sure if #2 was a Man , all Hell Would Have Been Caused By The Female involved .

if #1 Really Likes You . They Would Understand Your Explaination . #2 Definately Playing Alpha Female to #1 if She Knew She Was Interested , then Either Bragged With Screenshot . or Had Sour Grapes and Wanted to Ruin Your Situation with #1 .

i Just Assume #2 is a Go'er . and #1 was Looking For Deeper Relations . if its Fooked with #1 & #2 is Fit . Just Roll With it . Might Have The Night of Your Life .

If Your Sensitive #2 Definately Appears Too Full On . I Get it Completely . as Previously Said #1 Might Have Set Up a Test To See if You Would Reply to the Messages or Not . s**t Testing You Before Persuing Further .

How Old Roughly Are You Guys ? .. i get The Impression 19 to Early 20's From The Synopsis