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It made an impression on me. It's funny how things work out sometimes.

Out of the clear blue sky, I decided I wanted to go to Holyoke----because of how it is spelled, and because I've heard of Mount Holyoke before. I did no research; I had no Internet in 1991.

When I got off the bus, I started walking, and I saw all these old Victorian homes. I thought this was a great, historic Massachusetts town.

Then I walked maybe half a mile----and I thought I was in the South Bronx!

I walked away from there, went to a park where there was lots of Hispanic folks listening to rap on boom boxes, and just sort of vegged out for a while. This park was right on the highway.

I also went to Springfield on this same trip, to the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Springfield has a bad reputation-----but I found the place to be okay. There's a fairly substantial downtown area that has decent-sized buildings.

I also drove through Worcester once, much later--but didn't stop there. Got lost a little bit, was able to explore the place a little bit.

Springfield isn't so bad - I worked there for 15 years and had no issues. Sure, there are some shady areas, but it's better than Holyoke!

Excellent that you are going to AA daily. Congratulations on 12 days. It's not easy. If I may make another suggestion, make a phone call or two before you find the urge to drink overwhelming. Calling ahead of time is like practicing and will make it easier when you really have to make that call. Because you will have to make that call.

I am 67 years old. I do have a husband and due to some miracle, he is tolerant and accepting of my foibles, of which there are many. But besides that, I don't have any friends. I associate with the team I run, providers, clients, etc., but these are one-way relationships. I am providing services and arranging things. These are not relationships in which I can share myself honestly, if that makes sense. Were my husband to leave or God forbid, died, I would be alone.

I am no longer afraid of being alone. There are advantages to being alone that you have yet to experience, coming out of 23 years of marriage. I prefer being alone. I still take long canoe trips into wilderness areas by myself. There are some truly wonderful benefits of being alone.

Thank you. My drinking 12 days ago really screwed things up between me and my family. So I've had no desire to drink since then. I get what you mean about getting in touch with someone before the urge gets too strong. I'm not much of a phone person, but the guys said I could text them

I only have one other person other than my wife who I can share myself honestly with. It's important to me to have that in my life.

I'm terrified of being alone. Maybe in time that will change, but from where I sit now your words about being alone don't make any sense.

^ I know my words don’t make sense to you now. That’s okay. Just something to stick in your back pocket for later on.

I understand your being terrified of being alone and I completely believe you. I’ve been there, more than once. I’ve lived long enough to have made many horrific mistakes in my life.

I believe you will face your fear and deal with it and come through to the other side with more confidence and more feelings of self-worth.

I hope you're right.

Tonight is my last night in this house. Tomorrow morning I move out. I know I'll still be coming back here to visit the kids and whatnot, but it just feels so permanent, you know? Like from here on out I'll be a guest...just a visitor...not really part of the family. It's a scary thought.

Yes, that IS weird, when your house isn’t any more. I wonder if there are forums or advice columns for divorced dads. This is a very common situation and surely there are others.

I find real-life friendships are more trouble than they are worth, hence my hermitic lifestyle.
This probably won't make you feel better now, but it might give you some greater perspective with future dividends down the line.

This isn't "unsolicited advice".
It is simply how I see life.

I guess this *is* advice.
Have you considered getting a pet?

You have kids?

Achtung! Warning!
Advice is being offered.
Couldn't you just focus on your kids?
How old are they?

I have 5 kids - 3 boys (21, 19, 15) and 2 girls (12, 7). I plan on focusing on my kids a lot...but I can't be with them 24 x 7. Add to that the fact that I work from home, which further isolates me from the world.

I move in tonight. I'm thankful that I have a therapy appointment immediately prior to the move. I'm hoping she can impart some words of wisdom. I suspect the silence of the new place will be deafening.

I would say "being a dad" will probably be one of your salvations.

You have a responsibility to people other than yourself. I believe this fact will make you less "isolated."

There are times when I wish I was a dad. It's a hassle having that sort of responsibility----but it does keep one from being totally isolated.

Well, I'm in the apartment. It's awfully quiet here. I miss my wife and kids, but I imagine that will lessen with time. I'm going to visit them Sunday, and my Saturday is relatively full...so it shouldn't be too bad. I guess we'll see.

It’ll be good for both you and the kids if you maintain lots of presence in their lives.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone.

Tell us how the visit went after it happens.