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I can't deal with indirect answers

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KMCIURA
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15 Feb 2022, 5:56 pm

HighLlama wrote:
^Great post, KMCIURA! I think NTs actually find vocal inflection, facial expression, and body language more important than words. The actual words always seem secondary, which is so frustrating. It feels like everything you say has to be performed, which I find exhausting. If someone tunes out when I'm saying something important, I'll just say (deadpan), "And that's when I started murdering people." Or, "I keep having to hide the bodies." Then they usually wake up and hear me better :)


Haha, good one. I may try this, especially considering that I have a dark sense of humour. People quite often find it disturbing already, so I guess there's no harm in pouring some more gasoline in to the fire.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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15 Feb 2022, 6:08 pm

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
Indirect answers drive me crazy too. It's almost like NTs assume I can read their f*****g minds, and that I'm supposed to do that in order to get the real answer to a question I may ask them.


I have occasionally gotten frustrated, and hence snarky, enough to say to them something like, "Yeah, I realize that every person's truth is their truth, but just because you assume the science fiction of mind reading is true that doesn't mean it is true out here in the non-fiction real life world where everybody but you lives. So, if you want people to know exactly what you mean you kinda need to say outright exactly what you mean.

The number of people who then look at me like I just beamed in from some kind of alternate reality is hilarious in a sad, pathetic, sort of way.


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White_Feather
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26 Feb 2022, 12:46 pm

KMCIURA wrote:
...Especially if you are one of those Aspies who get their mind flooded with possibilities.


YASSS this!! ! Endless possibilities, I struggle daily with everything I do because of this. It exhausting and the source of much anxiety. So when people aren't direct and concise, it's a disaster for me!

KMCIURA wrote:
Like, when someone is saying something indirectly and leaves room for interpretation, my mind gets flooded with what I would call a tree of branching statements, leading to different conclusions and outcomes. Many of which the person I am speaking with doesn't even think about. I am trying to narrow it down to ones with highest probability in relation to all the factors about given situation, but quite often this still fails and people get angry at me for not understanding them or not doing something the way they wanted.


This is exactly what happens to me. They get so impatient and angry when they could just be direct and accuse me of harrassing them when I ask for clarity or hold it against me when I don't understand.

KMCIURA wrote:
I am trying to get them to tell me precisely what they mean by interruptions and asking questions, it may not be the way to make friends, but sometimes it feels like forcing words out of people that way is the only reasonable option.


Same here!! !



White_Feather
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26 Feb 2022, 12:56 pm

HighLlama wrote:
^Great post, KMCIURA! I think NTs actually find vocal inflection, facial expression, and body language more important than words. The actual words always seem secondary, which is so frustrating. It feels like everything you say has to be performed, which I find exhausting. If someone tunes out when I'm saying something important, I'll just say (deadpan), "And that's when I started murdering people." Or, "I keep having to hide the bodies." Then they usually wake up and hear me better :)


:lol: I may use this

Ditto on the performance part. I just can't anymore and I don't try very often. I don't even know how to speak about something that bothers me without all my frustration coming out in my tone of voice and body language, NTs immediately get defensive, offended, shut down etc. Either that or I say it so precisely so that there can be no room for confusion but because I didn't perform the words right with facial expressions and tone they fail to understand. I can't win! If I show emotion it's wrong, if I don't it's also wrong.