Wars... and how to talk to children?

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magz
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25 Feb 2022, 1:42 am

r00tb33r wrote:
A lot of children's stories have simplistic black and white conflicts.

The best way to approach the subject is to first explain how a conflict can have two sides where neither side is right or wrong.
I don't know what are your connections to the issue but when one country full-scale invades another because they didn't like their politics, the truth isn't in the middle.
This judgement wouldn't have been different if the invader was Western. US messing up in Middle East and South America was evil. This does not by any inch justify Putin invading Ukraine.


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magz
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25 Feb 2022, 2:02 am

Joe90 wrote:
I hope my thread about the war didn't scare you into making this thread. I'm sorry if it did...but I'm scared too. :cry: Like a child, I have lack of knowledge in this subject and my brain doesn't store information about complicated things like this, so the only other option is for me to panic and get other people to reassure me with empathy and true information that is easy to read and understand. I don't google anything these days as the internet is an excellent way of scaring oneself even more, and I'm too scared to watch the news. It was the same at the beginning of the covid pandemic, I found it hard watching the news without flying into a panic attack.

I remember having a day off school back in 2003 when the war with Iraq had started, because I was just blinded with severe anxiety and panic. My mum was an anxious person and sometimes unintentionally spread her fears on to me and was like "yep, it's gonna happen." I thought we were all going to die then but we didn't.

I do love the way children view the world. It reminds me of the movie The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas, where the little boy was so innocent but at the same time his innocence was what was right. He saw the Jews as people, not as "the evil enemy". Because Jews ARE people. The only evil enemy was Hitler. He was an evil monster.
Your thread had nothing to do with creating this one. I'm physically close to what's happening and I'm aware some epoch have just ended... but for now, I'm safe myself, just as you are.


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magz
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25 Feb 2022, 2:13 am

Pepe wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
I agree with Pepe; a break in mod duties is probably called for.

The advice to take care of yourself first, also sounds solid to me. You can’t take care of them until you care for yourself. If you are calm, they will take from that.

In general, I think it is better being straight with kids about what is going on, gearing it toward their level of understanding.

There is no hiding the ugliness and tragedy of war, especially when it’s on your doorstep.

:heart: :heart: :heart:

Agreed.
I am clueless in terms of giving parental advice.
Hence, I don't.
Oooops, I just banned a spammer advertising semi-legal medicine :wink:
But I believe you're right, it's time to have a pause in duties requiring more sophisticated judgement.

It won't be over any soon. I know Ukrainians. Just as Poland fighting Nazi Germany didn't end with capitulation of Warsaw, even if Kiev falls and Putin succeeds in installing a puppet government, things will just enter resistance-sabotage-guerilla phase. Ukrainians are fighting for their right to identity, just as Poles did many times in our history.


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magz
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25 Feb 2022, 2:17 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well tell them things may seem bad but you are there for them. Idk I think sometimes kids can realize the gravity of situations but it can help if they know their mother, father or another trusted relative is there for them even when it seems rough. I guess I would say don't lie to children and tell them everything is good when it isn't, but also let them know you are there to help them through even if things get tough.

Idk I feel you have to validate that their fears and worries are real but also tell them that there is still hope and it doesn't all have to be doom and gloom.
I'm better now myself... so far, my strong resolution to be honest with the ones I know has paid off.
For now, we are safe.


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Pepe
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25 Feb 2022, 2:20 am

magz wrote:
Pepe wrote:
blazingstar wrote:
I agree with Pepe; a break in mod duties is probably called for.

The advice to take care of yourself first, also sounds solid to me. You can’t take care of them until you care for yourself. If you are calm, they will take from that.

In general, I think it is better being straight with kids about what is going on, gearing it toward their level of understanding.

There is no hiding the ugliness and tragedy of war, especially when it’s on your doorstep.

:heart: :heart: :heart:

Agreed.
I am clueless in terms of giving parental advice.
Hence, I don't.
Oooops, I just banned a spammer advertising semi-legal medicine :wink:
But I believe you're right, it's time to have a pause in duties requiring more sophisticated judgement.

It won't be over any soon. I know Ukrainians. Just as Poland fighting Nazi Germany didn't end with capitulation of Warsaw, even if Kiev falls and Putin succeeds in installing a puppet government, things will just enter resistance-sabotage-guerilla phase. Ukrainians are fighting for their right to identity, just as Poles did many times in our history.


It could be cathartic to vent your anger on spammers and trolls. :mrgreen:

I am hearing more about how difficult it will be for pootin to hold onto Ukraine as a result of future resistance activities.
It is also good to see the demonstrations by Russian people protesting the actions of their psychopathic leader.
I couldn't do that. Kudos to them. :heart:



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25 Feb 2022, 2:34 am

magz wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Well tell them things may seem bad but you are there for them. Idk I think sometimes kids can realize the gravity of situations but it can help if they know their mother, father or another trusted relative is there for them even when it seems rough. I guess I would say don't lie to children and tell them everything is good when it isn't, but also let them know you are there to help them through even if things get tough.

Idk I feel you have to validate that their fears and worries are real but also tell them that there is still hope and it doesn't all have to be doom and gloom.
I'm better now myself... so far, my strong resolution to be honest with the ones I know has paid off.
For now, we are safe.


This is how it is going to pan out (remind me if I am wrong down the track.):
*pootin will subjugate Ukraine.
*He will install a puppet government.
*He will see this as a major victory and be satisfied with the vast territorial buffer zone.
*He won't attack *any* NATO country because that will mean all-out war with the West, something he will not want.

I am *not* being unsympathetic to the Ukrainian citizens.
I am simply giving an autistic evaluation based on my life experience, sourced material, and my understanding of human psychology.

This evaluation is a work in progress, of course.



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25 Feb 2022, 2:43 am

I just wanted to send support and concern, magz.
My babies were five and seven when 9/11 happened.
They were locked down at school and saw it on the teachers' TVs.
Plus all the front page newspaper photos of .... the unspeakable.
Then the War on Terror
My daughter was talking about intergenerational trauma just tonight.
She is Polish-Russian-Jewish on her dad's side.
Most of her friends are Ukrainian, too.

I don't have any sage wisdom about how to navigate this horrible situation with your girls.
I have faith that you're making the right decisions, as you always have as a mother.
Your family is strong. You communicate open and simply, at their level.

You love them and you care about their mental health.
Children couldn't ask for more.

Sending my best.
((Hugs))


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r00tb33r
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25 Feb 2022, 2:53 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
My babies were five and seven when 9/11 happened.
They were locked down at school and saw it on the teachers' TVs.

I was in my high school freshman year world history class that morning, our classroom phone rang, teacher's assistant tuned the classroom TV to national news and we silently watched one building smoke, then other get hit by a plane, then both come down a little while later. Was a world history lesson alright. I think we had essays to write in every class for the rest of the week.



magz
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25 Feb 2022, 3:50 am

Pepe wrote:
This is how it is going to pan out (remind me if I am wrong down the track.):
*pootin will subjugate Ukraine.
Probably.
Pepe wrote:
*He will install a puppet government.
Very likely if the above comes true.
Pepe wrote:
*He will see this as a major victory and be satisfied with the vast territorial buffer zone.
Nope. Resistance phase will start on Ukrainian side, while on Putin's side messing up with Russian minorities in Baltic States will start if he believes he succeeds.
Pepe wrote:
*He won't attack *any* NATO country because that will mean all-out war with the West, something he will not want.
He will continue to try to destabilise NATO. Possibly declaring puppet republics inside Latvia and Estonia that would declare they leave NATO so annexing them wouldn't technically be an attack on NATO.
His goal is to rebuild Russian empire. His last speech goes precisely along the old "Great Russia" narrative lines and 500 years of history of this narrative and actions connected to it are pretty coherent about it.
There's no line at which an empire is satisfied, only a line at which it stops when it can't spread further.

From the perspective of "Great Russia" narrative, Ukraine - the very heartland of historical Rus' - is salt in the eye when they choose other than Moscow, for they prove the whole narrative false. "Great Russia" denies Ukrainians right to a separate identity and this you could hear in Putin's speech.

Ukrainians are fighting for their right to identity. Poles have been there so we know what they're going through. It won't stop when military actions are officially over.


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25 Feb 2022, 4:02 am

magz wrote:
Pepe wrote:
This is how it is going to pan out (remind me if I am wrong down the track.):
*pootin will subjugate Ukraine.
Probably.
Pepe wrote:
*He will install a puppet government.
Very likely if the above comes true.
Pepe wrote:
*He will see this as a major victory and be satisfied with the vast territorial buffer zone.
Nope. Resistance phase will start on Ukrainian side, while on Putin's side messing up with Russian minorities in Baltic States will start if he believes he succeeds.
Pepe wrote:
*He won't attack *any* NATO country because that will mean all-out war with the West, something he will not want.
He will continue to try to destabilise NATO. Possibly declaring puppet republics inside Latvia and Estonia that would declare they leave NATO so annexing them wouldn't technically be an attack on NATO.
His goal is to rebuild Russian empire. His last speech goes precisely along the old "Great Russia" narrative lines and 500 years of history of this narrative and actions connected to it are pretty coherent about it.
There's no line at which an empire is satisfied, only a line at which it stops when it can't spread further.

From the perspective of "Great Russia" narrative, Ukraine - a Ruthenian nation choosing other than Moscow - has no right to exist. But, guess what? Ukrainians see it very differently. Wonder why...


Time will tell. :wink:
I bet your left testicle that you are wrong regarding further incursions into other sovereign, presently NATO, countries. 8)



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25 Feb 2022, 4:05 am

r00tb33r wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
My babies were five and seven when 9/11 happened.
They were locked down at school and saw it on the teachers' TVs.

I was in my high school freshman year world history class that morning, our classroom phone rang, teacher's assistant tuned the classroom TV to national news and we silently watched one building smoke, then other get hit by a plane, then both come down a little while later. Was a world history lesson alright. I think we had essays to write in every class for the rest of the week.


From memory, I saw it live and thought it was a movie, not a news report.



magz
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25 Feb 2022, 4:05 am

Bet my left testicle on whatever you like.


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25 Feb 2022, 4:09 am

Putin is not a communist yet longs for the glory days of the Soviet Union. The USSR doesn't exist anymore. I can't find any justification for the attack on Ukraine. Putin is the Napoleon of our day. If Vladimir really cared about the civilians they would have attacked only military bases and perhaps sent troops to the two "autonomous" regions in the East. He's a pathological and paranoid liar. If the plan was simply to protect the areas where Russians are in the majority, they don't need 150 000 troops.

The people I feel sorry for are the ordinary Ukrainians trying to live their lives without disruption. I was reading the BBC's Ukrainian representative's story yesterday and that gives chilling insight.

Sending love and hugs to you, magz and I'm glad your kids are safe. Poland can expect a good many homeless Ukrainians in the next few weeks I'm sure.


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25 Feb 2022, 4:10 am

magz wrote:
Bet my left testicle on whatever you like.


What are the sakes?
What do I get if I am right? :wink:



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25 Feb 2022, 4:13 am

^A can of deodorant?


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25 Feb 2022, 4:14 am

Honestly it's pretty sad that the western chunk of Ukraine won't return to Poland. Poland means NATO, and Putin won't allow that expansion.