A World of Absurdity

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how convenient. . .you asked for an opinion and now you tell me I don't know all the story.

you say you want support, but you don't want to hear anything else but warm fuzzies, the rest of us are 'attacking' you.

I hope you get the help you need.

and then I explained it better and your claims are pretty unfounded.



I don't care about criticism as long as it is constructive, and yeah in a very depressed state support works a little better than angry criticism. You learn who your true friends are in situations like this. Sure I'm partially to blame for the cops showing up, but it is in no way my fault they had drugs. In his eyes it ALL my fault, and thats just wrong, no ifs ands or buts. and whos this "the rest of us"? You're the only person getting pissed on this thread, you need to either chill out or leave.


We ALL need help in this world. You obviously need some too since you enjoy taking jabs at suicidal people.

double Postie

Last edited by sinsboldly on 04 Aug 2007, 5:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I wish you well, and that is sincere, no matter how much you have decided other wise from flat words on a flat screen.

May I point out that you are far worse to yourself than I could ever be.
I didn't try to kill you, YOU tried to kill you.

And now you are trying to defend that person you tried to kill. Telling me I am not treating you right, not treating you correctly. But you tried something so lonesome and desperate. . .and you tried to do it to yourself. So it is really not me that doesn't respect you, it's you. Doesn't that point out to you that what you are trying to kill is not you, but how you think of yourself?

so take that defense you feel for yourself and realize you do care about yourself. . and learn to change the way you feel about yourself. It's the only way.

I don't really hate myself that much, just the absurdity of the universe. I really have no self-esteem or self-worth issues just existential ones. the only way I can make the universe disappear is by ending my perceptions of it. My issues are a little deeper the the "I hate myself and want to die" BS. If the universe wasent so pointless and absurd I'd have no issue with it, but it is and all I can understand is my absolute universal agnosticism.

it's all about respect for the experience BeyondInfinity. Respect for the energy we find our selves in.
It's true that the universe is absurd, but how absurd are we if we somehow try to subdue it, and reject the experience to be in these bodies because we can't show the universe the error of its ways.

they tell me life is short, anyway. we will eventually go, but the ultimate authority is who says when, but that is an illusion, too. That is another absurdity of it.

well we agree on that fighting absurdity with absuritity is in itself absurd, I concur, I think thats what Camus says about suicide. I didn't mean to come off as combative, but the friends that I thought would be supportive were, not and the ones I never would have counted on before came through for me, and I'm confused. Just another example of the unpredictability of the existence we all share... I have always skated on the edge of the void, I just have to learn how to not cross the event horizon again...

oh, my brother, we have crossed the event horizon long ago!

how do you think we got into these bodies?

Camus who?

Careful... its that kind of over-thinking that got me into this predicament in the first place...
I think I was discharged a little early because the doctors were afraid I was an agent of disinformation/information

Albert Camus

So you are looking for the reasons for it all and then call it 'over thinking?' We haven't yet donned the tin foil hats to keep the aliens from reading our thoughts, now, have we?

this Alfred Camus article is interesting,
I liked this quote
"If nothing had any meaning, you would be right. But there is something that still has a meaning." Second Letter to a German Friend, December 1943

no it's my doctors that call it "over-thinking". and besides, I can't really stop its in my aspie nature... when I was committed I couldent help but think that I was the craziest person there...(not to generalize here...) all the Schizophrenics, people with borderline personality disorder, and the Bipolars all seemed to have issues stemming from breaks with reality and self-worth dilemmas. My crazyness stems from my universal thinking and the meaninglessness that I find, as Camus would say: I think my life is of great importance, but I also think it is meaningless. sometimes that can be a real mindf#*k.

funny how this has become a personal convo sinsboldly

No one else goes where we go, at least not those who are reading this thread. Me? I sin boldly and just jump right in there and grab the issue by the throat and grapple with the main cause. And because I can scratch the right spot in you that may give you comfort. I sincerely hope so.

We get into a mental tailspin because we expect resolution of the dualistic nature of the physical plane. We remember too well when we didn't have bodies to deal with, and reject the cult of the body, outright. We seek to resolve the unresolvable duality in the death of the nexus of the unresolvable, the body. Is this going to accomplish our purpose? We think so, but there it is. . .we just think so. Our thoughts are more comfort than the body, so we place our bets on our thoughts. We forget to include our thoughts are not on the physical plane, either, they just get filtered through our Aspie wired brains. Oh, yeah, our capacity of intelligence really comes into play here. Most folks can't follow our thoughts because they just 'can't', you know? (So we are lonely out here on the perimeter, "out here we is stoned, immaculate" as Jim Morrison, the Lizard King would say.)

Being Aspie means our brains, in our physical bodies, are wired differently. With out the body/brain maybe we would be free of how we are thinking? Wouldn't that be nice? But no. . .we are stuck in the dichotomy and we want to be in charge of something in our lives. (pardon me a moment, I must bark out a derisive "HA!")

So, the logical step would be to eliminate the body, forgetting that it is the ILLOGICAL we are trying to eliminate! Sheesh, it means we are all balled up in the dichotomy of the thing.

~sigh~
you know what I mean. . .

Merle

hey, what is your first name?

Yes... I do. I doubt any more exposition is needed



There are some that call me... Tony

Hi, Tony

as you can see, I'm Merle

Are you feeling any bettter, lately? You were going through a pretty rough patch back there.

Merle

Have you read Sylvia Plath? She attempted suicide every decade--and then died at 30. In the weeks before her death she wrote the best poetry of her life, but of course she wasn't around to enjoy her success.

The Incredible Hulk IS a simple pleasure; I once remember existing soley on the anticipation of the third Lord of the Rings film.