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Where_am_I
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05 May 2022, 1:50 pm

Joe90 wrote:
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You have a boyfriend that loves you and intends to marry you. You are over 30. I'm surprised it worries you now.


I still like to feed attractive even if I am in a relationship. And I'm in a relationship because I'm good at reading subtle signs by guys (to answer another question here).

I'm talking about friends though. If one has to be physically attractive to make friends then I must be ugly because I don't have many friends, or whenever I try to make the effort with other females it just ends in failure.


Probably because the females are threatened by your attractiveness.

Physical attractiveness does not make it easier to make friends.


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funeralxempire
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05 May 2022, 4:03 pm

Now I'm kinda curious about what you look like, at least if you're still interested in sharing.

For women it seems like attractiveness is a two-edged sword. On the one hand it can draw friends, on the other it can cause jealousy and lead to social rejection.

Attractiveness also seems to be a weird intersection of looks, aesthetics, hygiene and social standing. People with nice looks in terms of face and figure still might rated poorly if they're unkempt with poor posture, garish makeup and perceived as deserving of being an outcast.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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05 May 2022, 4:40 pm

You can't measure aesthetics

Not everyone finds the same thing attractive

Some people treat attractive people better than unattractive people

That is not discrimination

Anyone could choose their friends and dates for any reason, even appearances

Please look up the risks of plastic surgery

Plastic surgery $$$$

Surgery not always successful

There is something wrong with everything

Even if you get plastic surgery that doesn't guarantee people will treat you better



Where_am_I
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05 May 2022, 6:15 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Now I'm kinda curious about what you look like, at least if you're still interested in sharing.

For women it seems like attractiveness is a two-edged sword. On the one hand it can draw friends, on the other it can cause jealousy and lead to social rejection.

Attractiveness also seems to be a weird intersection of looks, aesthetics, hygiene and social standing. People with nice looks in terms of face and figure still might rated poorly if they're unkempt with poor posture, garish makeup and perceived as deserving of being an outcast.


Excellent points, but a lot of these things can be fixed. Exercise to improve posture, YouTube tutorials to learn basic makeup application, and befriend other outcasts (it won't improve your social standing with those that care about social status).


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Pepe
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05 May 2022, 9:52 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Now I'm kinda curious about what you look like, at least if you're still interested in sharing.


Everyone chant: "We want a picture!" :mrgreen:

KK hasn't had a heart attack, so Joe can't be that bad looking. :wink:



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05 May 2022, 9:54 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
You have a boyfriend that loves you and intends to marry you. You are over 30. I'm surprised it worries you now.


I still like to feed attractive even if I am in a relationship. And I'm in a relationship because I'm good at reading subtle signs by guys (to answer another question here).

I'm talking about friends though. If one has to be physically attractive to make friends then I must be ugly because I don't have many friends, or whenever I try to make the effort with other females it just ends in failure.


Probably because the females are threatened by your attractiveness.

Physical attractiveness does not make it easier to make FEMALE friends.


Fixed it for you. 8)



Pepe
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05 May 2022, 9:57 pm

Joe90 wrote:

Autism shouldn't interfere with making friends, as a lot of people with autism seem to make friends with their NT peers.


You can't generalise.
When I was young, I had *no* friends. :cry:
They had to pay people to be friendly to me. I am being serious here.



Pepe
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05 May 2022, 10:00 pm

Caz72 wrote:
im certainly not ugly but i have lots of people hating me.mostly male colleagues they even bully me and say nasty things

a lot of women laugh at me but the women i know are nice people so they like me and because they know my husband


There is such a thing as being too beautiful. <seriously>



Pepe
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05 May 2022, 10:02 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
He says I'm cute, which is probably only something certain men see. It's a form of beauty but not the sort of beauty that attracts female friends.


Is this...a thing? :scratch:

Personally I have male and female friends. Beauty is not a factor in deciding who I befriend. I have female friends who I don't think of as all that attractive, but they're fun to hang around since we have shared interests. Yet they are in relationships. Beauty is a subjective thing. I also have female friends that I do view as attractive, many of which are also in relationships, I'd say I'm a third wheel but at this point I'm what? The seventh? Still, I don't mind it, more people to hang out with I suppose.


Different people, different wants.
Some women want to be "Heathers" and will only mix with other "Heathers". 8)



Pepe
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05 May 2022, 10:05 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Lost_dragon wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
He says I'm cute, which is probably only something certain men see. It's a form of beauty but not the sort of beauty that attracts female friends.


Is this...a thing? :scratch:

Personally I have male and female friends. Beauty is not a factor in deciding who I befriend. I have female friends who I don't think of as all that attractive, but they're fun to hang around since we have shared interests. Yet they are in relationships. Beauty is a subjective thing. I also have female friends that I do view as attractive, many of which are also in relationships, I'd say I'm a third wheel but at this point I'm what? The seventh? Still, I don't mind it, more people to hang out with I suppose.


I never knew physical attractiveness drew friends until I came here. Unless it means that being unkempt and unhygienic is a factor of people being put off by you, which I can understand. But not how you look otherwise, like if your eyes are too close together or something.


Also most of my brother's male friends tell him his cousin is sexy but nobody's ever told him that his sister is sexy anything.


If anyone can't take a joke, I suggest they don't click on the spoiler. <sigh>
Time to get out the swimsuit. 8)



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05 May 2022, 11:27 pm

Pepe wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
Physical attractiveness does not make it easier to make FEMALE friends.

Fixed it for you. 8)

Incorrect fix.
Female who are generally considered unattractive or more masculine in appearance are more likely to form pure friendships/social contact with male. if they need to.

Joe90 who doesn't understand this may be disappointed after "change".
You are more likely to have "male friends" who will take your statement that you "want to maintain pure friendship" as offensive or insulting.


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SkinnedWolf
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05 May 2022, 11:37 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Now I'm kinda curious about what you look like, at least if you're still interested in sharing.

8O
Curious is forbidden here. :evil: :wink:


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Cover your eyes, if you like. It will serve no purpose.

You might expect to be able to crush them in your hand, into wolf-bone fragments.
Dance with me, funeralxempire. Into night's circle we fly, until the fire enjoys us.


Pepe
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05 May 2022, 11:40 pm

SkinnedWolf wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Now I'm kinda curious about what you look like, at least if you're still interested in sharing.

8O
Curious is forbidden. :evil: :wink:


No need to be jealous. :shameonyou:
She is getting married, so she is no competition..



Brainiac42
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05 May 2022, 11:42 pm

Attractiveness is subjective. Don't compare yourself to the typical definition of beauty.



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06 May 2022, 6:55 am

@Joe90 In my mind's eye I have always imagined you to resemble my first girlfriend. She had very Anglo-Saxon ancestry, blonde hair (not Scandinavian Blonde) and the exact opposite of "sharp" features. If I had a picture I would share as it would be from half a century ago. She was by no means beautiful but I thought her attractive and she had no trouble finding male companionship after we broke up. To your other point though she did not form close friendships with other women.


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06 May 2022, 8:52 am

While I tend to say the opposite when I slip into magical thinking looks aren't the be all and end all in friendships. Apparently according to psychology they help, but how you reach out to others, who you are reaching out to and chance are big factors. I'm quite young (19) but I struggled with stable friendships until I was 16 and accepted that while they may be nice to me, I find a lot of neurotypicals seem to be weirded out by me so I seek out friends who are more outcasts.

Also, looks are weird. How you see someone changes SO MUCH the more you get to know them. I honestly think liking someone is like real life photoshop. There are flaws I've seen in people I know when I first met them that I completely forgot about later (I just remember being struck by something). Their faces become comforting and loveable and you just appreciate so much of their beauty and personality.

Also locational differences may explain some of it. We are still dismantling a lot of sexism as a society that harms female friendships as women are pitted against each other and there's a lot of beliefs that would get in the way friendships with the opposite sex. I live right in the capital (London) so there's a lot of different types of people I come across. Not every location is like that.