It really hurts

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Graelwyn, This situation is clearly NOT a reflection on you because you have AS. I am NT, and I find myself in similar situations!

Years ago people were taught social graces. Those other people who knew your friend should have realized that you were the 'odd man out' and should have tried to include you in their conversations. You may have froze the first time, but I bet as time went on, you would have welcomed a question or comment.

Social graces include making others feel at ease. It's a rare find these days to know someone with that skill set....least of all would you find it in the kind of environment of which you speak. I'm sure the noise level didn't make things easier for you either. I know for myself, when I'm nervous I would definitely NOT want to scream something out to another person.

I know that I am more comfortable in smaller groups, and maybe that is simply the same for you.

i find that even when i start the convos.... ppl are reticent to reciprocate and it's like i have to keep pushing to keep the conversations going

and it just feels forced and unwelcomed.

i have given up on trying to succeed at that... but i do always try and talk cause there are other odd balls out there and i do hope ill find a few of em

I have found that. People have tried to make friends with me in the past but only try to get information about me for the sake of making fun of me. How pathetic is that?

OK... I'm NT (I think! ) I have felt this way myself. I just joined my local EMS team (volunteer)...and it's the same thing. I've really created a challenge for myself because I do tend to be 'shy', on top of that - I'm a woman entering a "man's domain" ...but i want to help my community! I'm so new there that I feel your pain. I'm just waiting till things sort themselves out...observing interpersonal relationships between the members (and man, can THAT get confusing with all the politics and such!). I'm hoping that there are a few like me and we gravitate toward each other. Right now, I haven't found any, but it's early yet. I bring cookies to meetings... that seems to open things up a bit. lol. They are my props, i guess.

Isn't it interesting though, that AS and NT types CAN communicate in this forum? There's always someone who wants to respond, ask a question, even communicate in the form of a personal email. Take heart.... you're not as different as you may think.

Graelwyn,

Sorry I haven't had anything to say for a while. Life happens.

I have had so many similar situations. I eventually quit trying to go to clubs. I last about 3 minutes before the loud noise, flashing lights, and smell of cigarettes has me completely overloaded. This is assuming that the place is not crowded. Crowded reduces the time to "I'm out of here."

I will ask you for difficult introspection at this point. Did you assume that this would be fun? Have similar events been fun before? I know that your friends tell you how much fun the club scene is for them, and they are not lying, but remember that you are you, and you don't have to like the same things they do. Although the outfits do sound fun. I just came back from an anime convention, where there were literally hundreds of people in costume.

I would love to take you out some night to a quiet place with soft light and comforting surroundings but I suspect there is an ocean in the way. Until then, do not set yourself up to be disappointed. When your friends tell you about the new place, tell them it sounds fun, but not your thing.


Good luck and I remain,


Ikari Gendo