I wish I could commit suicide right now

Post Reply New Topic

Thank you. But I don't think you understand. I am NOT depressed. I am being tortured by other people. Anti depressants and mood lifters don't stop people from hurting and abusing you. But thank you.

Thank you so much.

It sounds like you need some support. Are there any organizations that could help you in day to day living and prevent the bullying people from getting at you?

I wish there were. That is the problem here. If you are low functioning, you are able to have support and people to protect you. If you are high functioning, there is no support and you are left on your own. Even my supports coordinator, who only talks to me like twice a year for like ten minutes, will not even look for resources to help me. The problem is that the kinds of supports I need to help me survive and to protect me from social predators do not exist. It's a shame. I know that some of my high functioning Autistic friends in real life have the same struggle.

Are these people who live in the same building?

No. I own my own house.

This latest bout of bullying happened in a public place

Very true.
I found that during the period I was totally out of it on illegal drugs, people acted very differently towards me, much more eager to help and it was very easy for me to exploit that. I was more in control of situations by being out of control, if that makes sense.
Life is an act, but being high functioning - at least in my experience - makes it much harder to put on an act. I'm just trying to keep hold of myself and my emotions all of the time and consequently come across as stiff and awkward, which probably makes us a target for bullies whilst others don't see the vulnerability or human suffering.

i'm very sorry for your trouble, and can sympathise since I've experienced too much of it too, but have you considered some martial arts/self-defense training? it can be found online too. I've been in similar situations and my counsellor suggested it for me since apparently, it may decrease the chances of being bullied. even if, considering my size (extremely tiny) it's hard to believe that. what I do find helpful is getting angry and confronting them. one person tried to push me last year in a work setting. I opposed her, despite my size. it confused her. she stopped. it might not work with everyone, but usually, if you show some teeth, they back down.

if it's also happening in the work setting, you can use legal means even if just to threaten them. depending on the laws where you are I'm sure harassing is covered by at least some laws. I live in an ex-communist country where the legal system is extremely slow, but even threatening with it can scare people. if it's physical police can be summoned too.

Or getting a dog, preferably some bigger breed. If it's happening in a public place, there's less chance of people harassing you if you have a fierce-looking dog.

Who are these people who bully you, and what do they do, and in what situations do they do this to you?

Every time I have to explain these situations I relive them, and I can't deal with the pain of that so please forgive me if I don't tell you the details.

I think I have experienced something similar to you from school until now although maybe not quite as severe.

My defence mechanism is to keep myself to myself and only deal with other people when I have to such as in shops and when my shopping or parcels get delivered. I'm unemployed and don't have any friends.

I feel your pain, just reading your posts and what you've been through makes me upset.

I numb myself with alcohol. That makes everyday life bearable.

Have you considered trying to get some counselling?

Thank you so much. I am so sorry for what you go through as well. I also find that social isolation is the only thing that helps.

I have three therapists and have had them for almost ten years now. One of them is the neuropsychologist who originally diagnosed me with Autism. The other is a psychologist and the third is also but not currently practicing and the third one is also Autistic. They are all fully aware of everything that goes on with me and everything I go through. They are also fully aware of my regular suicidal feelings because of how I am treated and because of the way that the disabilities that I have affect me. They offer whatever support they can but they all understand and know that there is absolutely nothing that can be done because the way I feel and what happens to me has nothing to do with me. There are no changes that I can make in my life, other than being completely socially isolated, that will protect me from social predators. I don't struggle with low self-esteem or depression or things like that. I feel those feelings and I feel them very deeply when I am being mistreated but I do not feel them clinically just in and of myself.

So, my therapists know and tell me that there is absolutely nothing that can be done because, unfortunately, social bullying and social abuse are not crimes, and in many instances, social abuse of high functioning disabled people is actually condoned by society. So, there is no support and there is no help and it's not like I can use therapy strategies to prevent people from targeting me and abusing me. So basically, all they can do is be as emotionally supportive as they can be.

My therapist who is also Autistic has similar things happen to him all the time as well and his solution has also been to remain as socially isolated as possible.

Well I'm glad you have your own place,so it's not happening at home.
I used to be bullied on the street as a child, but thankfully not since then.

Suicide is never the answer! Do you think you won't be missed? We touch people we don't know we touch, that is being human and it is a failing that humans sometimes don't express what other humans mean to them! Don't do it, see your GP, get counselling but don't end it!

That is a very rough situation, I am sorry and I hope you can continue to reach out and sooner or later you find a solution. We're here for you.

It's probably not the same, but I was bullied as a kid by my baby sitter's children.