Can't stand ''toxic'' positivity.

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Same here Daniel. I find it better to accept whatever feeling I'm having, sit with it, and then it will pass.

I think toxic positivity seems to be something prioritised by English speaking countries. Europeans don't cover their feelings with a happy, smiley front 24/7, they show ALL their emotions.

It seems endemic in the U.S.. Most likely a product of the rugged individualist pioneer culture. It really bothers when someone has every reason to be sad about something, but if they don't cheer up, something's wrong with them.

I agree, and also Britain. Our mottos are: Keep Calm and Carry On. Keep Smiling. Stiff Upper Lip etc. We always have to put on a smile and never, ever show or talk about emotions, god forbid.

Britain didn't even really accept counselling and therapy was normal and helpful til the 21st century

I am an optimist (sometimes even delusionally so) and even I don't like toxic positivity. After my fifth pregnancy loss my mom told me I needed to be positive. I said very firmly (with daggers in my eyes): "I tried that, I'm going full-on negative for the next pregnancy!! !!" And guess what: my daughter from that pregnancy is healthy and well. (Of course, who would try for another pregnancy after losing five except for an optimist, albeit a situationally depressed one at the time.)

There was the woman on the miscarriage support board who would constantly say to be positive and have faith, don't be sad, don't grieve, don't be negative. It was awful for the rest of us. It was ... unbalanced. She got pregnant before the rest of us. "See, see how being positive works?" she'd say. Then it went really badly for her at 40 weeks and we never heard from her again. I have compassion for her, but stuff that positivity. Grieve, hope... be real.

It tends to work out well for me often, but I'm also a relatively skilled actor with a pretty decent noggin and the willingness to do the work and put up with stuff that most other people won't. But, even then, it's hard to appreciate that I actually earned it rather than getting lucky and I feel like and absolute fraud every time it works out.

I also tend to think that fake it until you make it isn't meant to be taken so literally. It's one method of addressing the unknowability of what we know. In order to know what we know, we'd have to know more than we know. It leads to people tending towards either imposter syndrome or Dunning-Kruger as it's impossible to know precisely how much you know. Smart people tend to underestimate what they know. Dumb people tend to overestimate.

It's really meant for cases where people are susceptible to feeling like imposters, not when they're outright incompetent. A paralyzed person isn't going to have any luck faking walking in most cases after all. I'm not even sure how that would work.

Gosh Sharon, I'm sorry you lost 5 babies! How on earth can someone tell you to cancel out your feelings from those and move on?

I'm glad you listened to yourself and did what was best for you. 'Don't grieve, don't be sad'??? What stupid advice.

I agree with you however. Babies in our wombs *do not* know what our mental state is, they have no idea and our thoughts do not affect them. It is a toxic lie by society to say that.

I was desperately ill, sick, drained, lonely and frightened for the whole 9 months when pregnant. I was living in a new area, didn't know anyone, no one visited to help, I was so very depressed.

I read all the nonsense about staying positive for your baby so I thought I was hurting her, she'd be ill and depressed and it would be all my fault.

Bollocks to that. She was the happiest, healthiest little thing. So calm and intelligent. My mum said that probably, because I'd been forced to rest and sit still all pregnancy and not rush around, the relaxation had helped the baby grow healthily and happily.

So I do not believe we have to be happy for the sake of our pregnancies! Feel what you feel.

I always thought 'fake it til you make it' meant 'pretend to be happy until you feel happy.' I didn't think it was anything to do with our jobs?

I have difficulty distinguishing positivity from enthusiasm and negativism from lack of enthusiasm.

If I am over enthusiastic I will burn out. I am finding much better success by just being whatever I am at a given moment, sometimes that doesn't feel very positive. I perceive positive as being all smiles, going happily about my job duties, speaking to everyone, etc... When I do that, I will call in at least one day of work for that week. But, if I keep my head down, quietly go about my day and speak only when spoken to, I do much better. That typically doesn't result in a lot of smiles and I'm not sure if my coworkers perceive me as being positive or negative.

I'm not mean, just not every accessible. And I try not to assign good or bad to a given situation. This is all at work. If I am honest with myself, I would say that much of the time I am envisioning myself screaming out shut the f**k up at everyone, even the students. I think that would be perceived as being a negative person and I would get fired. To avoid that, I just disengage and do my job.

I think I just haven't got the energy to be positive 24/7. Who the heck does? I just *can't* be all 'hiiiiii everybody!! !! ! How are youuuuuuuuu?' 24/7.

I need LOTS of quiet reflection time. Lots of thinking quietly to myself. If people think that's 'being negative' because I'm not partying all the time, well so be it.

Psychobabble extroverts

There are five emotions and happy is the only positive one

Happiness is not morally superior to sadness or anger

Seems ironic to me, that when psychobabble extroverts put on a farce (facade) that they are happy all the time, that really makes negative emotions more powerful because acting like something is taboo makes it more important, powerful and mysterious and alluring than they otherwise would have been

Exactly! Well said sir.

Looking at your life circumstances from a objective stance is always best, even if it makes for unpleasant observation.

Puts me in mind of the movie Inside Out. We need sadness.

I am delusionally optimistic, but like you said, I get choked up with sadness something fierce. Oh, wait, for me that may be emotional regulation, because I really am deeply happy and then I really am deeply sad. No farce. I'm trying to imagine pretending to feel a way... I am an actress and generally when I act I feel that way, I don't pretend. But then there were some times that I had sensory issues and had to pretend not to... so... back to the masking as a topic.

Yes some positivity drives me mad.

Some positivity is good, if it's something along the lines of wisdom and philosophy, but when it goes beyond your background, beliefs, lifestyle, etc, then the "positivity" becomes unhelpful, unsolicited advice that is being forced down your throat and causing more distress than what you had to begin with.

For example, one person can be the "dossing" type, where things like homelessness aren't a big deal to them and that they've been through it before and survived therefore it's not such a bad thing if you prepare yourself for it and know how to be resourceful, but try telling that to a person who is a bag of nerves, has always lived in security, is s**t scared of the streets, has no interest in alcohol, drugs or gangs, and having a home is essential to them. It will not make light of the situation and is more likely to make the latter person feel even more frightened and anxious.

To give positive emotional support to somebody who is terrified about being homeless is more about lending advice on how to not be homeless and if there are services available that help people financially so that they're not forced to live on the streets. Saying "be prepared" is like saying "it may happen to you one day", and most people would NEVER want it to happen to them even if they are prepared.