I'm not going out alone again after 2pm

Post Reply New Topic

Yes but it was you who felt bad.

What Babybird said is right, I bet they don't even remember the incident now, they've moved onto the next person/ incident.

This sounds like my neighborhood back in the mid-to-late 1990's and very early 2000's. There were bunches of kids and young adults who hung out on streetcorners and harassed some passers-by (or at least they harassed me).

Eventually this stopped happening as more and more immigrants (from many different countries around the world) moved into the neighborhood, and as more and more white working-class families moved out.

This is one of the reasons why I say that the best neighborhoods for autistic people are highly multicultural neighborhoods with no one dominant ethnic group.

I've always lived in cities and I often walked around alone or took the subway late at night. I learned to cultivate a surly scowl and a very purposeful and almost angry-looking way of walking. And I never looked at anyone so they could not make eye contact with me. In short, I tried to seem intimidating and self-assured. I don't know if that's possible for everyone to do. I wasn't always good at it myself.

I don't mean at all for this to sound like victim-blaming. Whatever you did and however you looked to these awful people is not anything you did wrong. I'm just offering it as a possible way to protect yourself if you can do it.

I generally avoid eye contact with strangers but that just makes them look at me more. I can see they're staring in my periphery. That's even more aggravating. And I do sometimes have a scowl but I've had strangers telling me to smile, which is annoying and insensitive because they don't know what's going on in my life and there could be serious reasons why I'm not smiling (job loss, death of loved one, health problems, etc). I always look weak and timid no matter what I do. It's why people bombard my personal space with their kids, which isn't what I want.

And then it stands to reason why I don't like going out by myself. I feel too shameful of myself and I feel conspicuous, like I'm there for unstable as*holes to take their s**t out on, and I don't want it to be this way. It isn't fair.

I think there comes a time when you have to make a choice for yourself.

You can either fight this thing that seems to be ruling your life or you can stand up to it and start living. It takes a lot of courage to do the latter but it could be worth it in the end.

It's your choice ultimately.

!	Cornflake wrote:
	A substantial number of posts have been removed, by request of the OP.

Thanks Cornflake.

It's OK, I'm doing my best.
I'm sorry you had bad experiences too in the past. We've got to carry on. It's hard though.

*Hugs*