bullying is so relentless

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03 Aug 2023, 3:59 pm

Thank you. I don't have an actual diary but I have kept all of the texts. I have also written accounts of episodes of bullying that were not through text.

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jimmyjazzuk
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03 Aug 2023, 4:22 pm

I have family that are quite distant emotionally, its so frustrating!

skibum
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03 Aug 2023, 5:08 pm

That is really hard. People don't realize how that sort of emotional distancing really affects us.

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jimmyjazzuk
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03 Aug 2023, 7:11 pm

I think i do it too, to protect myself from being hurt

KitLily
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04 Aug 2023, 4:49 am

skibum wrote:

Thank you. I don't have an actual diary but I have kept all of the texts. I have also written accounts of episodes of bullying that were not through text.

Well done, if you have a dated record of what happened, it counts for a lot.

Thanks for replying to me! I'm beginning to think I'm invisible as I'm generally ignored in every conversation I join in. Same as real life really. :roll:

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skibum
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04 Aug 2023, 1:23 pm

KitLily wrote:

skibum wrote:

Thank you. I don't have an actual diary but I have kept all of the texts. I have also written accounts of episodes of bullying that were not through text.

You are one of my favorite people here. I never ignore you in the threads that I look at. I value your thoughts very much. I might not always respond, but trust me, you are not ignored. :heart:

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Mona Pereth
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04 Aug 2023, 2:04 pm

skibum wrote:

ProfessorJohn wrote:

What did the lawyer do to you?

She has severe mental issues and verbally abuses me a lot. She has latched on to me as her target. One of my psychologist friends explained to me the issues that this person has after she read our latest text argument. This person has definite sociopathic and neurotic issues and she has chosen me to target and abuse. She has been verbally abusing me for nearly half a decade now. Unfortunately, I can't cut her off because she is withholding my ability to get a lot of the money that I am supposed to get from the government as part of winning my disability case. She should be disbarred for what she has done and is continuing to do to me but unfortunately, she won't be because the system is corrupt and she is a well loved and well respected lawyer. So I have to take the abuse because no one else can get the money for me. But I am afraid that I might never see the money, it's close to $20,000, because as long as she delays me getting it, she knows that I can't cut her off and she has the ability to continue to abuse me in order to make her feel good about herself. So there is nothing I can do.

Sounds like a really awful situation.

I'm wondering why it's not possible for you to get a different lawyer. Was this lawyer assigned to you by some government agency or nonprofit org?

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04 Aug 2023, 2:18 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:

skibum wrote:

ProfessorJohn wrote:

What did the lawyer do to you?

Sounds like a really awful situation.

I'm wondering why it's not possible for you to get a different lawyer. Was this lawyer assigned to you by some government agency or nonprofit org?

It's pretty bad. The holdup with the rest of my money has to do with how much they are paying her from what I was receiving. Only she can work out the error in that with them. She is taking her sweet time because as long as that is not resolved, I am obligated to keep my lines of communication open with her giving her free rein to bully me whenever she wants to.

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rse92
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04 Aug 2023, 3:18 pm

Why don't you lodge a complaint with the state bar association?

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04 Aug 2023, 3:55 pm

rse92 wrote:

Why don't you lodge a complaint with the state bar association?

Because it's corrupt. This is one of the most corrupt states. She is well known and well respected by them. She has been there for almost 50 years. She would destroy me if I did that.

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KitLily
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05 Aug 2023, 2:35 am

skibum wrote:

KitLily wrote:

Thanks for replying to me! I'm beginning to think I'm invisible as I'm generally ignored in every conversation I join in. Same as real life really. :roll:

You are one of my favorite people here. I never ignore you in the threads that I look at. I value your thoughts very much. I might not always respond, but trust me, you are not ignored. :heart:

Thanks for saying that! I appreciate it. I'm invisible in real life with only 3 people in my life, it's hard getting almost no interaction or recognition in life at all. I'm human, I'm not a piece of furniture, humans are social animals.

Hope you are doing well and now I know I've got one friend here :heart:

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07 Aug 2023, 10:13 am

KitLily wrote:

skibum wrote:

KitLily wrote:

Thanks for replying to me! I'm beginning to think I'm invisible as I'm generally ignored in every conversation I join in. Same as real life really. :roll:

You are one of my favorite people here. I never ignore you in the threads that I look at. I value your thoughts very much. I might not always respond, but trust me, you are not ignored. :heart:

I will always be your friend here.

I can relate so much to the invisibility thing. I want to share with you more about how it makes me feel. I just have to figure out how to formulate the words. But I wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. I get it. It hurts like heck. :heart:

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Wreck It Ralph

KitLily
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07 Aug 2023, 1:52 pm

skibum wrote:

KitLily wrote:

Share away when you feel ready

It is weird. I literally feel like I am invisible. People fuss over everyone else but don't seem to even see me or consider me. At least my husband and daughter see me, that's something. But it's very weird outside my home, that's why I don't usually leave my house.

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skibum
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08 Aug 2023, 9:57 am

KitLily wrote:

skibum wrote:

KitLily wrote:

Share away when you feel ready

It's so difficult to put into words. What I feel right now is the overwhelming and devastating and debilitating pain of that reality. It is a crippling pain. I don't know that many people can understand it. But I believe that you do. I might need to try to express this in very small chunks. :heart:

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skibum
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08 Aug 2023, 10:10 am

I feel like people only listen to me when they want something from me. And I have to say it exactly how they want me to say it. If I don't, I get bullied. If they don't want something from me, I feel very ignored. I feel like my value is nothing. It is only measured by how well I can deliver what people want from me.

I know my value in and of myself. But I also truly believe that as far as other people are concerned, as far as society is concerned, I have no value at all. I truly believe that. It's not my own warped inner dialogue. I am an analytical savant. I am able to be extremely objective because I have the ability to examine myself from a third person perspective. So I know that my societal worth has nothing to do with my own self worth. I know for a fact that I have no value outside of my value to God and to myself. I know this because of how people treat me every single day. I will give you and example. One of the people whom I am closest to used to visit me sometimes. Every single time, when we had a visit planned, I would call and ask what time he was coming. And he would tell me that he would first have to call every single person he knew to find out what they were doing first to make sure that they were not doing something more interesting before he could commit to the appointment that we had made. And I was expected to be ok with this since this is what I was made to believe that I deserved. And this is one of the people whom I am closest to and who loves me the most.

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"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph

KitLily
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08 Aug 2023, 11:49 am

skibum wrote:

Ergh. I understand you there. Everything is transactional now: if people can't get something from another person, they don't bother interacting.

I think the problems with the world today and how people treat others are:
a) Capitalism is teaching us that the only valuable thing in life is money, so anyone who doesn't have or earn a lot of money is not valuable.
b) There are so many distractions in the world- the online world being the main one- that people don't prioritise other humans in the real world at all now, so they see us as expendable, unimportant. They are too busy online or watching TV etc. to actually interact in person with anyone.

So it's not just you, there are a lot of us who aren't 'worth' anything due to a) and b) above. Humans have become expendable now. I mean, you are not alone feeling worthless or unvalued.

About the guy having to phone round to see if they were doing something more interesting, I've had that too. So rude! You deserve better. If I were you, because I'm contrary, one day I'd make an appointment to see him, then cancel at the last minute. See how he likes it.

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