I think it was my fault I was bullied at work

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Thanks for your support.

Yeah best I don't talk about it at work, except to my best friend there, as she understands more.

Time heals I guess.

You'll be reet

I don't think the coworker I was talking to really knew those details about the bully (even though they're true). I couldn't really explain it all to him because by then we'd both got distracted and I don't really want to bring it up again. Even so, I still don't like other people thinking I'm something I'm not, like a thief, liar, or a victim narcissist. ADHD, RSD and social awkwardness can make us get misjudged by people, which is why I hate having to work. While I'm hyper-social and like the social aspect of work and become emotionally attached to people, knowing that I'll always come across a bully and can attract bullies via misunderstandings does frighten me. It's why when we finally move to somewhere more quieter, I'll try and look into a work from home job. That way I won't make a fool of myself and run directly into bullies again.

Yeah it's not nice that you're getting labelled as a thief and a liar

Its a horrible stigma to have to carry about with you and if course you're not going to get over it in 5 minutes

It's ok people telling you to be strong and to ignore it but if it's hurt you then it's hurt you and that's all that matters

When I was called a liar. It wasn't so much that I was called a liar, it was more to do with the person who called it me. It broke my heart because I really thought that particular person knew me better.
If it was anyone else then it wouldn't have bothered me in the least.

I was brought up around thieves and liars and all kinds and it's something I've worked hard to leave behind. It followed me all throughout my childhood and into early adulthood and it stinks. It really does

I hope you can find some kind of resolution from this Tamaya. Just for your own peace of mind. You deserve better

I do sometimes worry that he might come back, even though there's no hint of that or anything but I think it's just anxious overthinking. I really don't want to ever have to face him again. He caused me a lot of grief last year and earlier this year. He gloated whenever I got yelled at near him. He watched me. He grassed me up. He shouted at me for looking at him (I looked at him sometimes because I didn't trust him, he made me paranoid whenever he was around), he'd b***h about me to the others behind my back and I even felt he tried to turn people against me. I mean, all that just because I denied taking a piece of chocolate of his, which happened months before all this bullying started up? But other people seemed to see the sunlight shining from his ass, simply because he was loud and confident and popular and had loads of engineering qualifications, while I'm just a timid, socially awkward cleaner.

That's quite serious bullying you describe there

Yeah, that's why the thought of me deserving it plays on my mind. It's like if I feel sorry for myself then it'll mean I'm a victim narcissist who brings on problems myself and cannot deal with the consequences. I don't want to be one of those.

That's like saying because you've done one thing wrong in your life then you deserve to be punished forever

If I stole a bike when I was 10 I wouldn't still be thinking I should be punished for it now. That's ludicrous

You took a bar of chocolate that you thought was for anyone to have. I'd say the whole thing has been blown out of proportion

I wouldn't stake my life on it but I wouldn't have you down as a thief. Not from the way you express yourself on here anyway and you are consistent with what you say so I wouldn't say you was a liar either

And so what if you're not perfect. Nobody is

Aww thanks BB.

Does this mean I'd have to hide all my bars of chocolate if you came here

Maybe

I spoke to the management today and told him my worries of the bully returning for whatever reason, as when somebody has caused me so much anxiety in the past I become paranoid that they're going to come back into my life. But the management said no, because of all the s**t he had caused. That put my mind at rest a bit.

You know how you just get a thought into your head and you somehow believe that it's going to happen and you can't stop obsessing about it until you have gotten some reassurance from someone you trust?

I know because I get that as well

Its like trauma and you just need to know that you are safe
There's absolutely nothing unusual about that

Top marks for speaking to your management

Oh yes, trauma from bullying or other humiliating experiences can lead to paranoid feelings. There's another guy at work who also got bullied, but his was because of the colour of his skin. So we have that in common where we're both targets for bullies, and he's paranoid too and thinks objects are being planted in places to "catch him out", and that's how I feel about things too, like things are planted in ways that will test to see if I really am the lying thief this bully was calling me. Like last week I was asked to clean a backseat on a bus (my job is a bus cleaner), but when I got on it I saw there was money put quite neatly on the seats I was asked to clean. I mean it could have been just left behind by a passenger, and we are allowed to take money we find on buses if it's under £20, and this was only about £1.80. But I didn't want to take any chances, so I handed the money in to the office.

The other day I found some unopened doughnuts on a bus that I thought the guys in the workshop would like, and I put them on the same table where the bully put his food. Nobody knew who the doughnuts were or why they were there, but later on that same day there was only one left, so they'd obviously helped themselves. I mean, the doughnuts could have been mine that I'd just put there to eat later. They probably just assumed they were put there for everyone, just like I did with the chocolate. And would they deny it if I'd asked who'd eaten the doughnuts? Maybe. Would I care (if they were mine)? Not really. I would just know in future not to leave my food where it can get eaten.

My instincts tell me you are good, Tamaya. It is all I have to go on but I trust them.

It is a very serious stressor when you can't take for granted that people at work will see you fairly and give your word fair hearing.

To throw something so minor at you with the implied label of 'bad' or 'shameful' - anyone who does that is just a bully. Whether it's taking the chocolate bar or fudging the response to the accusation in a moment of panic. And that you were hurt by it isn't minor but again not something you should ever feel guilty for.

I think your conclusion that it was for anyone to take was entirely reasonable, but even if it had been completely off the wall, you're allowed to make mistakes.

I know you would if you could, and I get why it's hard, so this is just selfish, but I wish it were easier for you to be kind to yourself about this. It was not your fault.

Thanks Kuen. I'm trying hard not to let it stress me out too much. Talking about it openly here has helped. I'm always asking myself, "what would Foster do?" Lol

He's really helping me come to terms with things in my life, and he's not even alive.