Kamex wrote:
At one point, I wore identical looking pairs of clothes that consisted of a bright green t-shirt, a black unbuttoned shirt over top, and black, baggy pants with chains on them. I liked this outfit because green and black were my favorite colors, and the bagginess helped me feel decent-looking.
But NTs didn't see it that way. People would stare at me wherever I went. I would get angry, threatening looks by mostly old people, but some younger people too. I couldn't go to the grocery store without embarrassing my Mom. My brother wouldn't want me seen when his friends come over, and my Dad would constantly tell me to remove the chains, even though they were attached to my clothing. To my personal culture, clothing is an important way for one to express themselves and who they are, but NTs can't understand/accept that.
Eventually, I gave up. I couldn't get NTs to like me for who I was, so I "changed". I bought several pairs of completely normal, generic-looking clothes. I altered my style of walking, and pretended to have different interests when socializing. However, these changes were not done in order to make friends, but merely to enable me to better interact in an NT-dominated world. In fact, this change was symbolic of my total abandonment at ever socializing or relating to NTs on a level worthy of friendship. My parents did not understand this and were very pleased. I tried to explain to them that I was still going to wear my green and black outfit at home, as well as when I went to aspie meetings, but they, especially my Dad, didn't get that. After over 4 months, my Dad, who pays very little attention to me, finally noticed that I was still wearing my aspie outfit at home, and started getting on my case about it again when I bought a fresh supply of chain pants, even though he had originally claimed his reason for his treatment of the issue was that he was worried for me. This no longer applied now that I wasn't wearing this stuff in public, and proves it was just his own problem with me. These chains were removable, but I lied to him that whey weren't because I knew he would steal them otherwise.
Though not on a physical level, I consider NTs to be a different species on a mental level from me. I can talk to an NT and enjoy myself, but only as much as I can talk to my lizard - I can't really get them to understand me and relate to me. If anything, my interactions with my lizard are better quality because I don't have to concern myself with pointless social barriers.
That isn't, however, to say NTs are inferior to me, or that they are bad people. I have had NTs conclude I was a bad person when they witnessed behavior they couldn't understand, and I refuse to do the same to them. However different I may be from them, I have to accept that we are both human, and that I am at risk of human flaw as much as they are. People tend to easily be hypocritical about people that do wrong to them, as in "those bastards are doing x, so I'll do x*2 back to them! That will teach them!". I need to avoid those thoughts when I can, because even though I want to hate NTs on an emotional level, I know logically that I can't be unhappy about them refusing to accept my differences if I cannot do the same for them. It's worth noting that for every NT who gave me a dirty look or made fun on me, there were 10 more that left me alone.
I generally don't think about clothes at all but that outfit sounds really cool. It makes me wonder why NTs were bothered since I've seen some of their "nonconformists" dress like that without getting any grief about it.
I agree with your last paragraph, if someone's being bad to us we shouldn't sink to their level.
I also get what you're saying about it being like trying to communicate with a lizard.
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?Evil? No. Cursed?! No. COATED IN CHOCOLATE?! Perhaps. At one time. But NO LONGER.?
08 Dec 2007, 6:53 am
