Internal Rage...I don't want to "snap".

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Machine guns are noisey,

Soma ruins your aim,

when it gets to me I work on finishing Tesla's Death Ray,

But I found I wanted to kill the world over little things,

little things add up, and next thing you know, you are no longer sure what the problems is.

The Problem, is little things bother you, but they are too little to do anything about.

Hour afte rhour, day after day it builds, till there is nothing to do but climb the tower.

The alternitive is so boring, but it works as well or better.

The world does not kick in your door and confront you, the slimy cowards.

They take a bite here, a nibble there, and like termites, can do a lot of damage over time.

The game is sneeky, it is nothing to make a stand against, you would look silly to protest being eaten alive!!

The answer is just as sneeky, change one little thing you do not like.

Pick something minor but annoying, and refuse to have anything to do with it.

Make it so small anyone who objected would look silly, and refuse to do, use, eat, whatever.

It can be a brand of Marmalade, hate it. It is nothing to buy another brand, there are many good ones.

It is just what the world does, small power plays, and it works.

One, you show some control on the world about you, and each little thing, gives you more control,

The effect is, one thing at a time, you cancel out things that not only bother you, but were so small and long ago you have forgotten them, but not the feeling.

Being a simple minded human, as we all are, a little string of victories cancels vauge shadows of unknown dread. It is the worst of dreads.

It can be anything, the brand of cat food, the color of your underwear, liking your toast well done. It does help to have a cat.

Control is won and lost in bits.

I never give up my greater goals, know anything about Wave Physics? But for now, the machine gun is not the problem, it is the ammo, just a few thousand rounds weighs more than the gun, and with two hands, and having to bring it up into the tower, well, it is not the kind of thing you can make several trips of, and then you are tired for the fun part.

Soma for everyone would help, but the expense. If they did not spend every day stealing from each other, the world would starve in a week. Happy people are useless.

The best you can hope for is a small victory, that no one else notices. You will, and it is cheap.

You have been managed, we call it childhood, it is time for you to do some managing.

I would call it growing up, but almost all skip that stage, it is just survival.

Don't get carried away, it is still best to put on your socks first, then your shoes, but a lot is a choice, and you should make choices and stick to them.

It took a long time to bother you, it takes a lot sless time to make it better.

Big fights are won small step at a time.

It is like you are boxing with the world, attacking will get you hurt, but blocking what hurts you tires the opponant, and protects you. Matches are mostly won on points, not knockouts.

Rack up a few points.

Brit:
Inventor's post is a very good one. One thing at a time. The world is a cruel place. If you're reacting to the world, well, I agree with a lot of what you say, but you have to learn a little detachment. You can do nothing about most of the injustices. You can't stop wars (not by yourself), or famine, or murders, or some of the horrors that people perpetrate on other people. But you can let go of them.

Psychiatrists are human beings with human failings, so they probably can't help you much.

Drugs work for some of us.....not all of us.

Remember this. The world is full of monsters. The best you can hope for is not to be one yourself....which is sometimes difficult. The good news is, that you probably won't snap.....you have to have a certain kind of a background for that (I say this knowing nothing about you), and if you do snap, I'd be more worried about hurting yourself than other people.

But for now, remember that there are some things you can change. Change them. There are some things you cannot change.....let them go. Work hard at knowing the difference between the two.

btdt

I know how you feel. In the last year I have felt very angry, mainly against my so called friend who started to pull away from me and leave me, just when I was suffering from depression. I did snap and luckily only shouted at her rather than doing anything more, but I think it was a result of basically being under a huge amount of stress, depressed and not understanding why she wanted to do things without me (lack of Theory of Mind).

After that I was hospitalised for a month and on horrible antipsychotics, but after taking myself off of them the anger and depression started to come back, particularly as my friend decided to completely ignore me, despite me apologising for shouting at her. I would have horrible thoughts of hurting, even killing my friend in terrible ways. This was very unpleasant, at times I thought it was almost inevitable that I would do something to her if that blind 'rage' hit me again. But after telling my psychiatrist this he decided to put me on an antipsychotic again. This time a very low dose (5mg) of Abilify. And I am happy to say that it makes me more relaxed and less angry without having any side effects. I do still feel angry towards her sometimes but its more manageable.

For me at least, I think the anger comes from fear. It is a mixture of anxiety, unhappiness and bewilderment at a world that socially I cant understand properly. This antipsychotic helps stabilise things. But dont let a psychiatrist put you on high doses, particularly of the older antipsychotics. The side effects are very unpleasant and I think these doses are unnecessary for those without rabid psychotic symptoms (doctor in the hospital put me on 20mg - the highest dose, of zyprexa and told me I wouldnt put on weight - lies on top of overdosing). The other drugs that help are antianxiolytics like alprazolam - these are addictive if taken consecutively for several weeks, but I find that taken occasionally they can be very useful against anxiety and associated anger if it becomes unbearable sometimes. They make you relax temporarily.

I guess though that what you need is to somehow get at the reason for your anger - maybe take some medication if it helps to get you through, but in the long term you need to know why you feel so angry and then you can try and do something about it.

Hi Brittany. Those thoughts you are having make so much sense. There are people in this world, events happening right now, that can fill us with rage. I have felt that before and for me the rage felt like complete and utter loss of what do, like I was stuck. One thing that helped me was keeping a notebook and writing in it whenever I was angry. I'd just sit and write away, all these angry words and expressions of any type of emotion I felt. Afterwards, it is good to watch sometihng funny, or do something enjoyable so that you can expel the anger then take something positive in it's place. I believe it's good to try to look at the good things that happen in this world and to actively search for them, so you can see that there is a segment of the population that is decent, however big that segment is.

Have you got any way of taking out your anger, in a way which you would not harm yourself, others or damage anything costly? Here are some suggestions.

You could rip up an old newspaper, or maybe smash a pillow against a wall.
Thow ice cubes against a brick wall hard enough to shatter them.
Throw a tennis ball against a brick wall (but don't do it anywhere you might smash a window)
Pop bubble-wrap!
Or you could get a punchbag.

If you need to cry, don't hold yourself back, as you would only be holding your thoughts inside otherwise. Just let it out.

Also do you have any relatives who are small children? Depending on whether you like small children, playing with them can make you happy. You don't even need to play with them. Smile at them, make faces and try and make them smile back at you.

any kind of escapism really, is reality is getting to you it just makes sense

usually im mad at people so if i get close to snapping i just try and get far away from that person, then do my best not to attract their attention again

last time i got REALLY mad i managed to let it out on a last fm forum ... i take the description a little more seriously than most of the group

but it was a wile ago

I know how you feel I often feel that way too and once or twice the thought of taking a gun not to kill people but to hurt them has occured to me. Fortunately in Aus guns aren't easy to come by even if I wanted one.