Can a person be a special interest?

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Ana54
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11 Jan 2008, 11:22 pm

Mine were special interests... I memorized what they wore, who their friends were, facts about their home lives. I found them attractive, was jealous of them most of the time and was curious as to hether they were really so cool, so that's why I wanted to find out more about them.

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12 Jan 2008, 12:53 pm

I've had special interest persons like that too, Ana. People I wanted to decipher, get to know details about them, because it'd teach me a lot about the world. But being infatuated with someone is not a special interest.

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merrymadscientist
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12 Jan 2008, 1:32 pm

Ahaseurus2000 wrote:

Same Here.

Tony Abbott described a form of special interest, that could involve an intense romantic/sexual focus on a person. I have had this interest myself, twice, the first in high school and the second when I was 22. Both women looked EXACTLY the same.

Such intense interests may start or stop suddenly (or gradually), by themselves or because of an event in life, can go dormant for a period, and may mellow in intensity with age, experience, or the right medication (I don't recommend medication just to specifically curtail this!).

I would not put any hopes on starting a relationship with someone while they're the focus of this special interest, as once the interest dies down the relationship will probably become banal. Only when you're already in a successful relationship with the person would such a special interest work in your favour. Friendship, maybe, but not relationship.

Also, some counselling to help with when you get depressed. That emotion comes from something within you in response to the situation, not from the situation itself.

This sounds about right. I found the first time that medication did help me (but completely ruined a year of my life at the same time, if not longer). The second time it didnt. For both of them though I still feel something. And you are also probably right to say that such a relationship wouldnt work. however, friendship only worked to a certain extent. With the second I was a good friend to her I think and we had some really good discussions together about our shared interests and her views on things, but I was too jealous and when she decided to spend time with other friends instead of me, our friendship degenerated quickly - unfortunately that didnt stop me still being interested in her - perhaps even more than I was before because now she was inaccessible and hence more of a mystery. To be away from her and out of her life was very difficult and that led to the depression.

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12 Jan 2008, 2:09 pm

I thought infatuation would be related to this, but its not so...

Ahaseurus2000
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13 Jan 2008, 11:47 pm

I wonder if people as special interests, can work differently for male and female aspies... What if men have more of an infatuative interest, and women have something different?

sarahstilettos
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14 Jan 2008, 12:30 pm

Ahaseurus2000 wrote:

I wonder if people as special interests, can work differently for male and female aspies... What if men have more of an infatuative interest, and women have something different?

Well, mine is partly being intensely interested in him as a person, and partly infatuation/physical attraction.

sartresue
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15 Jan 2008, 2:45 pm

Special Interest Group Topic

An intense interest in another person is more of an addiction...OK

Yes, and addiction is not love, in the usual sense, that is. But an addiciton is a hard habit to break. This is toxic and detrimental to mental health. I thankfully no longer have these sorts of obsessions.

I have had and do have special interests, all very rewarding.

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Apatura
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15 Jan 2008, 6:36 pm

Yes, unfortunately people obsessions count as special interests. I've had them going back to kindergarten. :roll:

I don't think NT celebrity "obsessions" are really comparable... JMO. In fact I've often wondered if a lot of the "crazed fans" who end up stalking celebrities might be aspies.

Apatura
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15 Jan 2008, 6:38 pm

Ahaseurus2000 wrote:

I wonder if people as special interests, can work differently for male and female aspies... What if men have more of an infatuative interest, and women have something different?

Supposedly female aspies are more likely to have "people" obsessions as opposed to "subject" obsessions and vice-versa. I've had both, but more "people" obsessions. I made a poll about this a while ago, breaking it down by gender. I'll look for it.

Tim_Tex
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15 Jan 2008, 6:45 pm

I have had a special interest for almost a year, and I am waiting to see where she will move after she graduates from college in May. It is causing me a great deal of anxiety, because she said she would only be able to do a relationship with me if she got a job in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area (the nearest metro area to my college). And I am very attached and fixated on her.

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MomofTom
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15 Jan 2008, 8:45 pm

sarahstilettos wrote:

Ahaseurus2000 wrote:

I wonder if people as special interests, can work differently for male and female aspies... What if men have more of an infatuative interest, and women have something different?

Well, mine is partly being intensely interested in him as a person, and partly infatuation/physical attraction.

Same with mine, too. In the most logical terms, it [the obsession] is a character study.

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mel01
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20 Jan 2008, 10:04 pm

im so glad i joined this site, im currently obssessed with some one i know full well i cannot have. have been since2006 it happened when i was younger as well but i just thought i was odd or mental and i have felt to scared up till now to speak about it as special interest or obseession my friends and family can tell as i get the long drawn out here we go again looks when i start a conversation verbally as the know it will only be about one person. i wish i didnt feel the way i do and hope something else comes up soon for me to fixate on to take my mind off of things. its so good to feel whatever normal seems like what its meant to feel like.

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21 Jan 2008, 10:10 pm

I've had a couple of infatuations with people. Usually I am totally off on their feelings and utterly wrong on what their expectations were. Though it helps to accumulate what one's reactions are when you are ready to engage further. I gotta keep trying.

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