So ...Very. ..Desperately. Alone

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I too get overstimulated in large crowds. I can't even talk on the phone if the tv or radio is on because it distracts me.

School was one of the hardest times of my life; I spent my lunch hour hiding in a bathroom stall because I had no friends. I wasn't interested in what other kids were, and even if I had been, I wouldn't have had any idea of how to express my thoughts.

I always wondered why I couldn't express my thoughts verbally, but could do so through writing. I think these forums are wonderful for people like us; I wish they had been around when I was in school. I wouldn't have felt so alienated.

Just remember that you are not alone. There is a lot of support here!

CWhite978 misses the point when he mentions public school is meant for the average, incompetent NT. Consider it more of a training ground, to know your foe:

"Your average NT girl isn't that smart, but if you take off a limb, she's still 86 percent combat effective. Here's a tip: go for the brain stem, and take her down for good!"

Public school is about learning how to maneuver through the crowds stealthily, survive interrogation, and hone your intimidation skills to put the alpha female in her place as the inferior creature she is.

There are three approaches to high school for people like us:

1) Fight tooth and nail, and at least manage a draw (what I managed to do). This involved a lot of two week suspensions, and teasing. It still is so unsatisfying. Even my parents told me during my graduation with all the nonsense I took, along with the horrible speech given my the principal, they wanted to go up there and strangle her themselves.

2) Stealthily plot and politically maneuver the weak-minded to your whims, redirecting logistics along with will to meet your necessary objectives. NTs, if you can deal with them on an analytical level, are so easy to manipulate. All you need to do is threaten something they hold in value, present them a "credible means of survival", and slam the trap shut on them as they try to scurry away.

3) Give in to their demands, simply to have them lash out at you for not standing up for yourself, and become the latest victim. Negotiation with such lower lifeforms is not an option. They do not behave rationally. They function based on the amusement they receive from seeing their friends amused at their actions, who themselves are amused at how amusing it is for them to take pleasure in watching someone suffer.

They are lower than predators who simply kill for food or sport. At least in those two cases, the predator is playing with a fair set of rules, where mercy is shown in the kill. Your typical high school student is simply a torturer, and will do whatever is necessary to fulfill their sick fetishes.

If you wish to conquer the monsters, you have to become the bigger monster. You have to become a legend.

being surrounded by people always made me feel detatched or alone, i can only cope with like one on ones with people

The way you capitalized Others is interesting. Tells me that like most of us here, you've already placed people outside your comfort zone into a category of its own.

Your feelings are exactly the same as mine since I was little and even today. I cannot stand small talk nor do I try to engage in it.. the emptiness of the conversation...the pointlessness of just talking for the sake of talking is irritating to me and even when I try to do it I only end up disgusted with myself. It almost like lowering myself to a bovine level of thought.

moo.


I can only recall a couple of people I had amazing long conversations with. One was a physicist the other a sociologist... both carried their conversation in a manner that what they said prompted questions and discussion about the subject.. not dead-air chatter. If we talked about the weather i'd end up in some discussion about wind currents or such. Intellectual conversation I guess you can call it. So rare to find.

Since joining WP I've chatted with a couple of wonderful people in yahoo IM .. and i've had some of the best discussions I can remember of. It humbles me to realize that these people were almost half my age and twice as smart. From the way you write and pinpoint the problem at your age tells me you're one of the smart ones