Who is feeling suicidal?

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There was a point where suppressing the urge to think about suicide actually gave the thought of suicide more "charisma", as if a perfume following me around. I decided to stop ignoring the feelings and accept the feelings and confront them. I came up with the idea that the reason suicide was so appealing to me was because I knew so little about it--which allowed all the more room for fantasy and ideation. My "aspie analysis" took over and I borrowed a few books on suicidology. Yes, suicidology. Suicidology seems to be a serious mix of forensics, sociology, psychology, and philosophy in an effort to better understand something society finds much too uncomfortable to ever learn from.

Extracting the idea of suicide from inside myself and putting it on a "petri dish" for me to study was enlightening enough to empower me over such thoughts.

But eventually suicidal thoughts came back a year later when my self-worth was at an all-time low and I was just in a bad place in my life. Then I stumbled upon Asperger's Syndrome and did more research. Puzzle pieces started to fit together and while my self-worth was still low, I was no longer in the dark about what was going on with me. And I think that being in the dark all my life was what always brought me to my knees. The self-diagnosis gave me a new road to walk on that was more lit and allowed me more foresight. Still a lot of stumbling, though.

Suicidal thoughts are rare nowadays and are hardly as intense as before.

I consider it sometimes, but I think it is a pretty selfish act. I know it would devastate my parents... aww, who am I kidding? I'm just afraid it would be painful.

Your not the only one who feels suicidal.

I feel suicidal 24/7 really, but I keep it all in the back of my head and put on a smile.

It's incredibly hard, but I'm managing to survive and getting by.

All of the time.

There's one thing that makes all of the pain endurable, as selfish and dangerous as it; there's nothing else (not even an "aspie" obsession).

I do almost all the time and maybe I always will do. I have tried to commit suicide several times, all unsuccessful.

I have made peace with my suicidal urges. I allow them to be there when they need to be, and use them as a warning that I am becoming overwhelmed. Once I stopped being so frightened of the feelings and just started to acknowledge that I felt so bad it seemed to reduce the intensity of the urges.

I still refuse to commit to anyone who wants me to promise never to attempt suicide because sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me sane - knowing that I have 'an out' so to speak. Autism is so incredibly painful that at times I wonder how my brain and body cope, and I need to make sure that I don't add helplessness or hopelessness to an already difficult situation.

I have a number of 'signposts' that I set for myself so that I don't get too far gone. And I don't want to traumatise anyone by my actions and that always seems to help pull me back from the brink. At the end of the day I get to choose whether I give myself another chance - and if there is any possibility, or even a hint of a possibility, that things might, however remotely, improve or ease off, then I will give myself the chance. If I ever feel that there is no way out, no matter how hard I have investigated other options, it will not be for lack of trying to find alternatives.

I'm no where near suicidal, nor have I ever been close. I have however felt very self destructive as of late.

Seems that as time passes, it crosses my mind even more. I can't do it because NOBODY will take care of my son like I do. He is where he is because I've dedicated myself to helping him. But if it weren't for him, I don't know that I would still be around.

Right now, I'm sitting here looking at my husband and disappear is what I want to do...but then I look at my son and wonder what he would do without me...

I am just so depressed right now that I want to die. Now. Hopefully the government's plot to get me will succeed and soon. I am officially suicidally depressed.

I am suicidal, as of yesterday.

Quite often I feel that way. If I was going to kill myself, I would create a letter that would list all the names of the people that treated me like crap so at least they would get into some trouble if possible, they would also feel like crap for letting a thing like this to happen, and I would make it a kamikaze death. Probably a good semi-automatic pistol with a large clip would do fine. If I go down, I would be taking the baddest of the bunch with me.

i am a little. which is very good for me.

I sort of wanted to die once or twice. My counselor told me that 'wanting to die' and 'having a suicide plan' were totally different things, though.

The worst part is, there was no reason most of the time. One day, I just walked to a window as if posessed, opened it, and then realized what I was doing before slamming it shut and running to the bathroom to cry.

Another time, I just wanted to die. I couldn't explain it, I just wanted to die.

But, the truth is... I've nearly died several times. Not like I'm a zombie or something now, and it wasn't suicide that got me that way. I just... stopped breathing. Seriously. Other times, my pulse literally stopped. Something saved me. Don't know who, what, or why, but someone's watching out for me.

Yeah. That's happened way too many times for me to take. After my latest 'resurrection', I just wanted to die one last time. For real. I laid down on the ground and tried to stop breathing, tried to stop my pulse. Nothing worked.

So... I'm not suicidal right now, but... 'Dying' 47 times makes you hope the 48th's your last, y'know?

...I know that there's something terribly wrong with me and that sounds like something out of a fantasy novel, and I'll probably try to write a short story like that someday, but I had to tell the truth. That's my latest suicide reason. I didn't want to come back, okay? I'm better now. But, still.

I swear I'm not insane. It wasn't a true death, just an impossibly long time not breathing. Okay?

The thought of suicide helps me to sleep. The thought of suicide helps me to ease my suffering by reminding me that I don't have to feel like this forever.

Sorry about contributing only negative thoughts.