On being fat, consuming resources and stuff

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I'm a passive piece of s**t! I hate myself! I'm so used to letting people walk on me and passively, sneakily consuming their resources, not asking for stuff which is doing it the honest, assertive way. I'll probably have nothing now. I'm not eating s**t. I'll just have nothing. And I can't stop feeling like s**t about it. It's like an outside force making me feel like s**t about it. It's almost like I'm infected with something telling me to feel like s**t. And it's hard to get rid of it or shake it or let go of it or ignore it or whatever you're going to tell me to do. It's this constant feeling like I'm consuming resources I'm not supposed to be consuming, I'm eating other people's stuff and I shouldn't be, I'm a waste of space and resources, I should be grateful, I should kiss the ground and thank the Lord and be humble and modest and polite. I hate it all. I hate people who do that and I'm doing it. I hate people who tell me to do that and it's like I'm telling myself to do it. I feel like I have an ulcer. This feeling is driving me nuts. I feel like I'm getting a stomach ulcer. I'm starting to feel physically like s**t too.

Your father is an f'n bastard and you should eat more, on a regular basis.

There is no reason why you shouldn't have milk and fruit in the house. Especially if that is what you like to eat. In fact, if you brought it up to child services in the US, they might say what you went through is a form of child abuse.

If you feel bad about money problems and food, and are in the US, apply for food stamps. Here in florida, I did it online, took about half an hour. it's cool they give you a card, and all you can use it on is stuff that is good for you.

Oh and you have something called General Anxiety Disorder. I have it too. Afraid to take what you don't think is rightly yours. afraid something you do is wrong or worthless.

f you actually feel like you are getting an ulcer and you are craving fruits and greens, you might actually be having acid reflux. Especially if you haven't been eating. You need some tums for quick relief, then either some folic acid tablets, or eat more green stuff, asparagus is good, comes in a can, really cheap. they can berries too. those usually are cheaper than frozen ones too. taste better and you can eat them with a spoon.

I lose weight when I eat better. There will be times when I go through and realise that I haven't eaten in 2 or 3 days, or what i have eaten has been utter crap. It throws my metabolism off. When you went to camp, I bet they didn't do any sort of excercise regimen. What they did do was feed you, three square meals a day.

I have been eating on a more regular basis for about a year now, and have lost almost 50 pounds. I was 230 at one point. I just decided that it wasn't going any further. 150 is my goal weight. I am 5'6" . When I was 150 I fit into size 9 - 11 pants, there is no reason for me to be smaller than that. And all i am doing is trying to remember to eat.

and i agree with the bipolar thing about your dad.