does this mean I am co-dependant?

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he is back again, and once again very remorseful..
insists he has not been out cheating on me..but the level of trust in our relationship took a mighty blow a long time ago, and i don't know when it will recover.

I have told him...it is me or his druggy teen friends....he can't have both.

Maybe he is not the monster..maybe I am the monster....maybe he really needs help and i need to be more understanding...and force myself to be more mature
We both have our mental issues, and while at times we can be very compatable, we can also really clash.
We are both like kids...with the emotional maturity of teenagers.
He can be very wreckless and self destructive and I have little control over stopping that bahaviour.

Maybe I am the controlling one.

Aside from the fact that I desire not to be cheated upon..like most people....and my black-and-white-thinking makes it really hard for me to understand and accept polyamory....and as an adult..I think I have a right not to accept WRECKLESS polyamory that he is inclined towards...(not that it is even happing now...but I really have no way of knowign because I don't know when he is lying and when he isn't)
Aside from all that...i just worry about him...his health...and the danger he puts himself in when he goes on crazy binges.

I need to remember to stay mad at him...

It can't go on like this forever....

What do I do when he repeatedly asks for some middle ground regarding his fidelity?

Is it wrong of me that it is devastating to my self-esteem?

It took me a long time to realize that me not wanting to have sex was a good reason not to have sex-- even if I would have physically enjoyed it.

Pretty f****d up.


Unless the relationship was founded on some other agreement, it is not controlling of you to choose what you want to do with your body--and what kind of relationship you want to be in. If he wants to be in a polyamorous relationship, I'm sure he could find one. . . unless it's something you'd agreed to do at some point (and I might seriously consider breaking such an agreement if it bothers you that much-- if it's so vitally important to both of you, you might not belong together) he has no right to demand that of you.


Any chance you could buy out his half of the venue, perhaps in some time?

If he cared about you enough, he would not want to keep hurting you this way.

No matter how controlling he is, it is your life. .

it has been a monkey on the back of our relationship from the beginning.

I don't want to go into it at length right now...I have spilled my guts on this public message board enouh as it it...just because I have noone to talk to,.... but it is part of the reason I left him a couple of years ago...

Too much pressure and insecurity...and i developed a very wrong and unfortunate crush where I was offered no "middle ground"

I have been in non-exclusive relationships before, but not where our lives were so heavily intertwined....as mine and Flakey's are.

There is no buying out half of anything. We are in ruins financially. All this stress on our relationship is not going to make it any easier for us to reopen...as we are currently shut down and awaiting city permits.

Both our names are on a 5 year lease...

I need to just detach myself emotionally and focus on keeping my end of the ship afloat and let Flakey do whatever he wants to do.
's kinda hard..i feel pretty alone....and it has been difficult to focus....

now he has gone off to find a bartending job

i keep having these completely disgustingly lame a**hole phone conversations with him.

he is such an a**hole

sorry to keep bumping this pathetic thread, but I am thinking of going home to my parents and staying with them for a few days....however..I don't want to freak them out more than I did the last time our relationship was on the rocks.
My dad bought a car for him to drive JUST YESTERDAY..it is my car...but he drives it..

And also, I have to play a show tomorrow at a venue just down the street...and this weekend we are supposed to run a stage and have an art auction at a street festival.

I have been crying all day...all he says to me are assholy things about not wanting monogamy and wanting to go out and party whenever he likes.

We have talked about the prospect of mantaining a platonic partnership...and just running the venue together...but gahh.....I don't think i will be able to stand it....

ok..another crisis averted....sorry folks......

Another case of a 2 AS-ish person relationship that clashes from time to time....

He has to (either possibly lie...can't tell)...or be brutally honest and I have to take everything really literally/seriously....

it can be a recipe for disaster when emotional immaturites collide....

once again....sorry for spilling my guts all over the place...

We are doing ok again for now.

I am really excited about the prospects of having a group of homeschoolers in my venue on a regular basis....they all had a meeting here tonight, and i had in incredibly fun time with the kids...it was so awesome....(i had so much more in common with them than i did with the adults...I have a knack with kids)..and I will be able to work with them and stuff...

Mixing business and personal isn't a good thing.

I would draw up two contracts. One for the personal and one for the business. Break either and suffer the consequences. How you handle the personal, well that's personal, your call. I have one with my wife, it's called marriage. You don't need to take it that far and still have a good understanding or contract.

Oppsie, I see you've posted an all clear message. Don't forget what I said above.

I would still do it and this might be the time to do it. s**t happens you know.

I still miss someone very much from here that has never returned. Same deal, business and pleasure.

Don't be sorry about posting about personal crisis. .

that's what we're here for.


I hope everything continues to turn out to be ok.

Everything has pretty much been better...but alot of it has to do with my choosing not to care.

He is out with his friends right now as a matter of fact.

i stopped Poopylungstuffing at 3000 posts..trying to kick WP addiction.

Have not been self lately anywhoo..

*sigh*

but it's such a nice addiction, as addictions go. . .

I hope that you are ok, which ever selves you're wobbling about. . .