Stupid, Stupid Father!! ! (no kids please)

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1) Report him to the police.
2) Report him to social services.
3)Sue him for child support AND molestation.


Now these are just suggestions, and I don't know what you would do. If someone molested me, rejected me, and then refused to support me, I would definitely consider the above.

Last edited by IpsoRandomo on 17 Apr 2008, 2:38 am, edited 2 times in total.

This is not good advice. Any of it.

Not even 1-3? (I was kidding about the rest by the way. Perhaps I should have been clearer. On second thought, I might have sounded flippant, so I removed everything after 3. I just can't stand people who molest their kids and reject them. It makes me mad.)

For what? Not liking her or ignoring her? Verbally abusive? Tough one to pull off.
He didn't molest her, he almost did. (personally I think it is, but doubt the legal system does.)
She can't sue for child support, her mother can.
....................................................................................................
My apology's for and when talking in the third person. What I'm really doing is cross posting. I do this a lot, unfortunately.

My general feeling is this.
The court case is her mothers, let her mother fight it.
The more you get involved the more to the surface this will all be.
Mention your thoughts about the possible sexual abuse to your mother.
I mean to your fathers current family.
You can't do anything, not really, unless you have hard facts.
If you haven't mentioned your own close call, do so to her.
It was not your fault. I'm going to repeat it, never let it enter your head it was.
It was not your fault!!
Get help. Verbal abuse is abuse and PTSD is a very real thing and can haunt you the rest of your life.
If you can't get pro help now, look into it, find out what PTSD is and what it does.
People are so use to going to others to fix their own ills, it's like no outside help, no help at all.
That is a bad way to look at it, I think. Get outside help when you can, even if later.
But look into it now.
There is a real push pull factor in this, love and hate.
You are doing both and it is fully understandable. What the solution here is I'm not sure.
But for now you have the answer from him, he doesn't want a healthy relationship.
You have taken the correct steps to try and bridge it and I say good job at the attempt.
But, you got the answer and it is painful.
I hate the expression this to shall pass, but must use it in one sense of this.
The less you see of him, the less you hear from him, the less talk you hear of him, will distance him from you.
He is a trigger. That is a PTSD term. It sets off emotions in you that aren't good for you.

Ok, that's my general feeling and every bit of what I wrote is from a distance and I can't know how accurate it is.
Nor do I think that I might be correct in parts. That you have to figure out if it fits or not.

My heart is out to you. I can't know how you must really feel.
Somehow you must reach down and pull yourself up by your own boot straps.
And as always we are here.

ebec11, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Hang onto that determination not to let your father have the power to destroy your life! I'm concerned for you, though. Suicidal feelings can return. You need to have a plan to help you get past those feelings if they do return, and you need to find a new therapist.

What your father did was wrong. What he continues to do is wrong. You say he got close to sexually abusing you, but it sounds like he did sexually abuse you, even if he didn't rape you. If you can't find a therapist right away, and you need to speak to someone, try calling a rape crisis hotline. Most expect calls from people who have experienced sexual abuse, even if it wasn't rape. If you're feeling suicidal, call a suicide crisis hotline.

Don't beat yourself up for not being "over it" after five years. Five years may sound like a long time, but it isn't. This is your father, and your legitimate expectation was that he would be there to love and protect you for your whole life. Give yourself as long as you need to process this. It will actually take less time if you don't try to hurry it. But also don't expect it ever to go away completely - the pain will lessen, but this experience is always going to be a part of you. You just don't want it to control you.

As others have said, it is important, for you as well as your half-sister, to tell someone about what happened with your father. Calls to Child Protective Services can be anonymous, and your father should not be told that you made a call, if you do.

I wasn't sure about the rape crisis centers, but thought of those myself. Many of those that work at them have been through it as well. I think they're a fantastic blessing and please do consider such a thing.

This is true about child protection agency and I did leave my thoughts vacant when it came to your half sister. What I was hinting at was your mother would call get it to her lawyers attention or call the agency herself. You have your gut feeling on it and you have your own experience on it. If I were your parent I'd be more than interested. I'm also assuming a lot about your mother. Some parents are really good about taking care of this and some aren't.

It is also hard to know how some might be handled as you don't have an age up. Look, you don't have to put a real one up, just something kind of close. And yeah some people don't think it's a good idea, but around here it's pretty safe.

I know how you feel ebec, as youve seen from my own thread ive had some pretty bad experiences myself. It is hard to remember what happened and its not something that ever should have happened. Do not blame yourself for the actions of someone who is sick, i wont bother sugar coating what he clearly is as i highly doubt youd take any offence from anyone calling him every name under the sun.

I dont know if you have the same mentality as I do on these matters but i find it quite hard to talk certain things i almost start feeling like im being judged, even in a small way, by the person im talking to simply because when they havent shared a similar experience they dont know how to react, usually with shock and i start getting a little paranoid that people never quite see me the same way again. Thats just how my mind works but if you need to talk to someone about this give me a shout, no one was there to help me through my pain but that doesnt mean you have to go through yours alone.

I tend to agree with some of the comments about having him reported, not just for what he did to you but also for what he may potentially or possible is doing to his new daughter, i have no delusions that my father changed his ways after we got away from him, i know he'll have attacked someone else, i also know i fully intend to track him down and face off with him, thats my closure on the matter, you need your own form of closure, whether thats exposing him for the sick bastard he is, or anything else that gets you to the point where you can simply say "f**k you, you dont own me".

I can't draw blood luckily, so it's just bruises and scratchs...

oh ebec, dont be a victim of this any more. The instant he went from verbal to physical (touching you improperly) he crossed the line.

Please tell you mother and get her to call the police (if she does not you do it).


Please. now.

Please be safe, ebec11. I thought about your since your OP - wishing you well. You have the strength, which your father lacks! This will carry you through, no matter what. I saw a t-shirt, made me think of you: "Autism isn't for Sissies"

Indeed! Aspies are tough (but sensitive on the inside)