I can't even call the suicide hotline :(

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Well... is there something in the doctor's offices you could do, workwise? Two birds, one stone, et al. The job review sounds fishy; talk to HR, because if you are not fired and they are not fulfilling their obligations as employers you may have that recourse you seek to retain your job or be relocated within instead of terminated. Something to consider?

The bike leader needs a good wallop with a Nerf frying pan, in my opinion - that's unacceptable. Does he have a website? Provide feedback about it publicly - as a store owner myself, I know the effect such responses can have... (although I'm being berated for not having a public restroom, a little different) The medical situation sounds daunting; it helps to have support. Would be more inclined to talk/share on that subject privately, to be honest.

Keep breathing, and keep writing.


M.

Hi Greentea. well I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better... I have my ups & downs too, & know how lonely it can be. Wish we lived close enough that I could give you a big hug! I hope things turn around for you & soon!

As for your boss...he's a jerk! You need to take of you! To hell with him!

Yeah! That definitely is a lot! This is a time to really stop for a moment and just breathe.

How about starting with this: From what I can see, you are 1) able to get online somewhere to post this. Thank God! It's something for now. 2) You are able to see well enough to put this post in. 3) You're explaining things really well, so despite all the stress, you're able to be logical and communicate well. This will help in your job search. Of course they expect you to be more positive in a job search, but you know that and will adjust.

Can you contact the job agency and carefully explain to them that sales is not an area that you can do at all. If they don't understand, I think you can tell them that you have a disorder that makes that impossible. Also, relying on one means of job search is usually not a good idea. You have to find every resource available and use all of them.

Also, I wanted to tell you that I had so many of these experiences, including the bike ride one. Can you get your money back? Tell them you were left behind. If not, maybe you can find a route that is acceptable to you and ride it slowly on your own. It's commendable that you tried to take care of yourself this way. Do they have 12-step groups where you are? Codependents Anonymous is international and I happen to think it's a great group for Aspies, since it's about relationships (of all kinds, with friends, lovers, coworkers, family.....). Being with people is good. Try not to overwhelm them with all of your story at once. However, it sounds like you need to get the concerns about your job and health addressed as soon as possible. Is there some kind of disability available to you while your eyesight is at least temporarily impaired? Does your boss know you are having sight issues?

HR won't even consider the possibility of relocating me within the company. And it's a huge company, they're hiring new people all the time and there are hundreds of jobs I could do. I told them today that it's a loss both for me and for the company, such a dedicated employee, who loves the company, who got a prize for excellence and dedication only 4 months ago...to let me go so easily...but NOTHING. If my boss doesn't "like" me, then I'm fired when they find a replacement for me and that's it.

My colleagues are shocked at how I'm being humiliated by the company and they've complained to HR that it's causing them to lose morale. The customers are all pissed at the company because of the lack of response from Customer Care (since I don't give a damn anymore). This situation is horrible for everyone. Yet they won't do anything about it.

There's only so much one can do to change one's odds. If everything is bad luck and bad news, there's not much I can do anymore... I'm not God.

I'm using my work laptop, which I hate to do because it feels like such lack of privacy, they can track down anything I write like they did to another WP member last week (I don't have a link to their thread). But I don't care anymore.

And I live in the Middle East, not the USA. Here, admit to having a disorder and you'll never find any job in any work area again as long as you live. It's perfectly OK by law to fire an employee for admitting to having a disorder too. Also: after 45 days of sick leave, your employer has the legal right to fire you for being ill. They also have the legal right to fire you on a whim, there's no wrongful dismissal law here. Even I, who was given a prize for performance and dedication a month before they decided to fire me, can have no case in Court.

A couple things just occured to me about the sales jobs: 1) I don't if it makes a difference to you, but if it's telephone sales, they often give you a script. And if you're doing customer support, it could be a lot like that. Not a perfect job, but something to get you away from these horrible people. Then keep looking for a job you really like. 2) It might help the job agency people to work harder for you if you just go to the interviews (maybe you don't have time?), if you can, and be honest with the people at the interview. It will get you warmed up for the real interviews for a job you want.

And if I tell them I was left behind by the park ride leader, they'll tell me it was my responsibility not to stay behind. I know, because I've been on other tours and they take no responsibility. They're just cruel idiots. How cruel does one have to be to leave behind one person in a group, when there's no rush (it was scheduled as a moonlit, romantic, leisurely bike stroll and wine and cheese picnic in a small park by the lake - so what was the rush to leave me behind and go ahead? Where did they have to rush???).

Correct. But there is always one more small step you can take in the right direction, and let God do the rest. Unless you're in Darfur, eventually, things will normalize. Even there people are having some level of normalcy and helping each other.

By the way, thanks for the opportunity to share and use all my experience of going through similar situations. Just two years ago I was given a review of a 3 by my company, when for the previous 3 years I had gotten a 5 and 4's before that. They had to ask permission to give me a 5, which is the highest rating. I made the mistake at getting a better review for my software manual in a magazine than the software itself and the new manager over my boss was pissed at this. This was no way out. Once they decided they didn't like me, the writing was on the wall and I immediately got my resume out.

I'm very happy at a very ethical company now, a smaller company. I think medium size companies are good for Aspies. They're big enough (about 100 people) to hide in and small enough to still have a heart and family values. Software companies and engineering firms are more used to Aspies too. I know I have some fellow Aspies at my firm, for sure.

Try to attend to your customers as much as possible now, so that they can point to as few problems as possible with your performance.

By the way, if you can't get online at home eventually, can you get online at a library? You can job search on the Internet too, of course.

Idiots. Find other people to bike with. After the first group I joined in the new town I moved to left me behind I got on line and asked if there was a real whimp ride I could go on. I found one that included a blind person who shared a tandem bike with another rider, so the group went pretty slow and the hills were low. There were quite a few people attracted to this group and we had a good time. And everyone was inspired by the positive attitude of the blind person to find a way to participate in all her interests despite her challenge.

You're using a separate email account, yes? I hope so. If not, get a separate one to use here at yahoo or google (gmail).

Sorry to hear about the tough empolyment laws there. Even more important to breathe then and take one step at a time. Can you expand your job search places (newspaper, online, do they have job fairs?....)

Don't think about the bike ride so much. If you can get your money back or post a negative review of them on the Internet or find a friendlier group, good. Otherwise, concentrate on fixing your job and health for now. Can you do cheap, simple things for now. Do you have a tub and can take a hot bath? I cannot, I only have showers where I live, but maybe you are lucky. If not, can you lie calmly on your back and do deep breathing or a slow body scan (a kind of relaxation meditation--I can give you instructions if you are interested), in other words find some cheap or free things to take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually, while you take care of the job and health things first.


As for job, doesn't it help that you speak English so well. I guess that's why you were in customer service (is that correct?) or why they are thinking of sales.

Sorry, I know I'm posting a lot. I hope SOME of it is helpful. I was just reading through everything again, and the idea to get your meds adjusted or at least considered is a good one. Also, sorry about the suggestion of the group. Duh, you were already discussing the pressure of joining groups. Sorry about that. Hope there's something in my other suggestions.

I wonder if your employer is sidelining you because of your eyesight issues. If your sight is going to progressively get worse then that my be the reason they're treating you this way.

Also you may be more likely to get help or welfare (if they have it there) as a sight impaired person rather than an 'autistic/NVLD' person. People take loss of sight a lot more seriously than autism, it's regarded as real. Maybe you need to consider applying for sickness benefit or disability (if they have it) because work or future work possiblities are going to be affected by vision problems. I know so little about welfare over there, I think it's a lot worse than in western countries. See what you can get for yourself as a vison impaired person. I know another member here went blind recently, can't remember the user name though, maybe someone else does. She got the white cane, people can relate to that, you get sympathy and help for blindness.

Damn, Greentea, I'm terribly sorry to hear that you're having so much difficulty these days. You're on my mind and I'm wishing the best for you.

Don't know if this would be relevant for your circumstances, but I'm using a computer thats something like ten years old. the guy I work for gave it to me as a gift. It's not as fast as the newest ones, but it works just fine.

Don't know about your local conditions, but here old computers are worth practically nothing, even if there's nothing wrong with them, because everybody wants a new one. I was wondering if you could get your hands on an older computer to keep you connected, temporarily at least.

I do understand how thoughtless and cruel people can sometimes be. It's something I wish I didn't know about. But I know it does happen.

Keep us informed about what's going on and how things are going, whether it's good or bad.

You're somebody I care about.

I’m so sorry to hear that things are so harsh. If I lived in your country I would come visit you.

I wish I could wave a wand and make things better... but I'm sure if you ever made it to either of the more highly represented countries here (thinking USA and UK) you'd have no problem couch surfing for a while until you could get back on your feet.