i think my dad is ashamed of me

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It's nice to know that you're not the only one, eh?

My dad was an abusive alcoholic, for whom nothing I did was ever good enough. If I did something right, I took too long ... If I did it quickly, I did it wrong ... If what I did was both right and quick, then I should have been doing something else ...

I left home a week after graduation, and spend about thirty years trying to prove to my dad that I was worthy of his praise. No such luck. He never really changed; he only became more cunning in his methods of putting me down, especially in front of the rest of the family. He died alone.