Addicted To Suffering.

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sly279
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20 Sep 2019, 12:43 pm

Persephone29 wrote:

sly279 wrote:

^cause I don’t have anyone else don’t have anywhere else.

If not for wp I’d be all complete alone besides my family that’s rapidly falling apart from all the fighting.

Don’t have a gf don’t have friends.

I'm not talking about friends. WP friends are great...

I'm talking about the professionals assigned to help the disabled: social workers, voc rehab, center for independent living, counselors.

These places and people are an excellent source for advice and help, aside from WP. And they have the benefit of an upclose view into your particular situation.

Such places don’t care if I have a relationship or if I’m happy.
I’m on disability, Voc rehab found me this job they done(though they were givIng up the very day I got the call back for this job) there’s no agency to help disabled people find love relationships and happiness.

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sly279
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20 Sep 2019, 12:45 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

To be honest, I almost always feel better when I try my best.

I agree with Isabella. I sometimes feel I just want a hug myself---rather than reams of advice.

I haven't read the whole thread, and I wasn't weighing in on the theme overall.

In my own life, yes I try my best. The issue is that "my best" is dependent upon my mental and physical health, my schema or past experiences including trauma, trial and error, my comfort level as affected by not only Autism but MDD, GAD, mutism, a stroke, and agoraphobia, and the range of options available. My "best" might appear insufficient to others but I know my limits as well as my breaking point. If others were to judge and criticise my "best" as being pessimistic or unsuitable, I would feel hurt and misunderstood. It would be similar to a Neurotypical giving me advice, saying "Hey, you should try being Neurotypical like me ... just stop being Autistic!" I am who I am. I know my limits and, although I respectfully appreciate advice, I'm the best judge of what I can and cannot do.

My best is never enough for the advice people here. Same as people at work who comment on my crappy life.
Hugs

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sly279
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20 Sep 2019, 12:48 pm

Temeraire wrote:

IsabellaLinton wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

To be honest, I almost always feel better when I try my best.

I agree with Isabella. I sometimes feel I just want a hug myself---rather than reams of advice.

Hey, Issy, take my advice because I'm not using it.

Seriously, if I want advice I will ask for it. I get more frustrated with people who give advice without thinking about what the recipient might actually need.

So I agree with you completely Issy.

Some people might just want to be heard and not feel alone in their misery, some might want just a hug as already mentioned. There are so many reasons why someone comes here for support and friendship and airs their woes.

Can people be addicted to suffering? Not in my experience, it is usually for a reason.

Can we be in between like hopeful but realistic? Yes I think so. I quite like balance which is right for me.

I think Sly has made some very good points but some on here do not want to listen and contemplate.

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sly279
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20 Sep 2019, 1:13 pm

https://m.imgur.com/gallery/kYrUNFO

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EzraS
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20 Sep 2019, 2:40 pm

Fnord wrote:

red_doghubb wrote:

The simple fact is, when one keeps complaining over a long period of time about the same things, and there is no perceived attempt to change said things, the people one complains to get sick of it. Insistent, consistent self-pity can be quite grating.

It can certainly drive away the very same people who could help a person out of their troubles. Even worse is when those needing help turn against the people wanting to help them and purposely send them away!

Some people just want pity I think. They just want to hear "oh you poor thing, how awful for you". I have come across this within the world of the disabled. I have know some who act more disabled than they are to get more attention and get people to wait on them more. They are not really interested in getting better being better.

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20 Sep 2019, 2:48 pm

sly279 wrote:

Awwwww...

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AquaineBay
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20 Sep 2019, 3:40 pm

To be fair to people that are supposedly "addicted to suffering" depending on where you are some services are not accessible to you or if they are they are terrible at doing them.

I use to live in a town that had terrible services for people with disabilities and I had NO other options available. Depends on how bad it is the services could end up doing you more harm than good. So it could be possible that some may not have access to anything.

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20 Sep 2019, 4:11 pm

The idea of "Being Addicted to Suffering" seems valid only when better alternatives are available.

An abused wife living 30 miles from the nearest source of help might not be so "addicted", but what about an abused wife of a wealthy man if she lives where she is literally surrounded by all sorts of medical, psychological and legal services that can she can use to get herself out of her situation, but she doesn't try even though she is fully aware of their presence?

A middle-aged man still living with his abusive and/or neglectful family might not be so "addicted" but what if he has the means, the motivation, and every opportunity to leave and start a new and better life for himself, but the only effort he ever makes is to find excuses not to?

Last edited by Fnord on 20 Sep 2019, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Marknis
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20 Sep 2019, 4:11 pm

magz wrote:

Marknis wrote:

magz wrote:

Marknis wrote:

She told me she wanted me to get a vasectomy because she thought I would have sex in college, even when it was clear I couldn’t even get a f*****g coffee date. She also told me she didn’t want me to have children. I hope she’s happy because that’s what she caused me to become.

Another reason to get as far away from her as possible.

She keeps telling me there is nothing wrong with me living with her, that most “Millennials” (I don’t subscribe to that term for myself.) live with their parents, and that it shouldn’t keep women from dating me. It’s just more of her control freak nature since she knows damn well that the redneck men she loves so much have mocked me for still living with her and part of the reason why I didn’t succeed at speed dating was because I still lived at home as well as only worked part time. Those two things can make people start avoiding you because they think something’s wrong with you.

Who cares for what she says? The point is what you need.
Not for dating but for building your healthy self esteem - which most likely will help on the romance scene as well.

She’s actually tried to make me feel shame for wanting things. She’ll snarl at me “You aren’t the only person in the world!” and “You are selfish!” but it’s ok for her to go on extravagant shopping trips, attend parties, and has been married four times. I don’t let her shame me anymore.

I’ve also been accused of being selfish by my detractors and that I need to forgo what I want because I am scum for not fitting their expectations. Two told me I needed to listen to the struggles of others but were they listening to mine? No, they were shrugging them off and telling me my emotions weren’t valuable.

One of my eternal voices keeps telling me my age and lack of experience means it’s too late to ever take part in the romance scene. But why am I still alive?

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20 Sep 2019, 4:21 pm

Quote:

An abused wife living 30 miles from the nearest source of help might not be so "addicted", but what about an abused wife of a wealthy man if she lives where she is literally surrounded by all sorts of medical, psychological and legal services that can she can use to get herself out of her situation, but she doesn't try even though she is fully aware of their presence?

Ouch!! !!

The abuse trap is far more difficult to get out of than that, and dangerous. Why get help when you truly believe it is your fault? The abuser can and does kill women who try to leave.

Can you try a different analogy please?

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Temeraire
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20 Sep 2019, 4:32 pm

sly279 wrote:

Temeraire wrote:

IsabellaLinton wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

To be honest, I almost always feel better when I try my best.

I agree with Isabella. I sometimes feel I just want a hug myself---rather than reams of advice.

Just lovely Sly, we need more of this in the world (and the flying mouse) :wink:

Marknis
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20 Sep 2019, 4:39 pm

Many people who use to say they wished me better don’t feel like that anymore. They want me to fail.

kraftiekortie
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20 Sep 2019, 4:41 pm

Nobody here wants you to fail.

Fnord
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20 Sep 2019, 4:46 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Nobody here wants you to fail.

Agreed. Most people (including me) want him to succeed. The question is how he should achieve that success.

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20 Sep 2019, 4:48 pm

blazingstar wrote:

Quote:

Ouch!! The abuse trap is far more difficult to get out of than that, and dangerous. Why get help when you truly believe it is your fault? The abuser can and does kill women who try to leave. Can you try a different analogy please?

Ouch!!

I'm sorry, I forgot others might be triggered. There is a second example in the same post. How about that?

Temeraire
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20 Sep 2019, 4:57 pm

Fnord wrote:

blazingstar wrote:

Quote:

Ouch!!

I'm sorry, I forgot others might be triggered. There is a second example in the same post. How about that?

Mr Fnord, I do not think that your 2nd example is any less triggering for some on here. Why is it necessary?

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