scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Probably a 1-2. I feel like s**t again after some bad news.

5
Just one of those days when I look around and realize how massively misconstrued I am by every single human being at the workplace. Good thing I'm getting a fresh start soon.

-1

I poured scoulding hot water over my hand a couple days ago, and it still has a red spot where I got burnt. In addition, I have sturdy, but very tiny hairs lodged in the pink fleshy corner of my eye. I have tried for many hours to pull them all out, with tweezers that can barely grip them. I managed to pull out about four thorns so far, but it's still really annoying me, because I still feel a slight flick when I blink. I have to go to an eye doctor and have the rest removed.

-10.

Damn, damn, damn.

-2 my finger hurts

3. In the middle of an interesting conversation....

8.5; my stomach hurts and I'm a little bit sleepy. I met a really nice guy so that adds a few good points. It's also the weekend and I ordered a shiatsu and roller massage pad so I'm excited for that.

I thought I was feeling a bit better but I was just feeling more numb.

-3... I feel very unhappy. Not suicidal in any way... but, very unhappy. :l

Don't even feel that I can write the long descriptions that I use to... just feel totally empty.

+5. Distinctly positive.

0. Or 5? Average, pretty much. The medication is working relatively well. Nothing's perfect, though. "Getting better" at everything, though. Everything's looking up, except for three things:

1.) I need either employment or unemployment benefits to live life, and if you won't give me that, then kill me because I won't enjoy life anyways without either. Stop denying me both.

2.) Lying to my parents about beliefs = Uncomfortable but quiet; avoiding harmful conflict.

3.) Avoidant Personality Disorder or whatever it is = No matter how much I do to get better at socializing, nothing's happening in terms of removing that thick wall in front of me and others.

I mean, ultimately pretty big things but it's only three.

negative


I feel like I'm balancing on the head of a pin over an active volcano.


Of course, this will be taken as passive agression/manipulation, because, as every knows, admitting to pain constitutes an attack, and not grieving on a timeline that suits a certain person is nothing but manipulation, and bad timing/thoughtlessness is passive agression.
I have some ideas of what I think consitutes manipulation (and I can find actual evidence to back them up), but I'll keep them mostly to myself for now.
Lying about whose idea things were is a good start, as well as pretending to like people to get them on side so that you can hurt other people.

Still feel like crap, and now my stomach has been cramping all day.
However, I HAVE NOT and I AM NOT planning to hurt myself in any way. Just thought I'd get that clear.

-8 feeling lonely and blue. i don't self-harm, but if i did i'd be low enough to do so.

-6 lonely (but what else is new)

+5 in a good mood