The Misfit Club - for all those aliens feeling left behind

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AGREED! Just give me the magic words that I just don't seem to possess... And, most of the time it seems it isn't even words that are the challenge - it's like other peopel have radar and can just sense something 'off'. You know - like a flock of birds retreating inland before a hurricane... I'm pretty sure all the social skills training in the world can't fix that.

I do find that interaction is much easier in a business setting. 'Professional' situations ahve a fairly stringent set of interaction rules and I find this world a bit easier to navigate. Ineracting with customers, calling vendors and employees and whomever on he phone, even training other people - it all has it's own 'script'. Of course, when lunch time rolls around...

I need an aspie guidebook, with chapters like "What to say to the bank people when you want to open a bank account without gesticulating with arms" or "How to ask the waiter for water."* Also helpful would be "Manners: What to say and how not to resort to mumbling or repeated one-word replies when you've run out of things to say."


*The first time I did this was when my mom asked me to. I stood up and nervously followed the waiter, started to poke his back, and then eventually just got water from the water station myself (which the waiter was standing right next to, incidentally). My mom and my sister saw it all, and god did they have a great time laughing about it. U^_^

Shame on them for laughing. Being family and all, I see no problem with tellnig them specifically how and why that hurts. If you are feeling embaraassed, they are not laughing with you, they are laughing at you. Until you get to the place where you can find humor in your own foibles, they shouldn't be laughing. they should be helping you build the self esteem you need to get to that place of comfort with yourself.

Have you thought about conversation from the other side? If YOU were the waiter, how would you like someone to get your attention? Sometimes just making eye contact gives them the sign you need their assistance. Sometimes a small discreet wave when they look over. Or an 'excuse me - when you get a minute' as they hurry by... When I've exhausted a conversation I usually say something just like that - "Okay, that's all I got. On to something else." ' I don't know what to say." "Sorry, lost my train of thought. It might be time to change subjects..." I find that if you say ANYTHING with a smile and/or small laugh, people are comfortable no matter how odd the words themselves might be.

( I suspect your mom and sis might have been laughing because that incident with the waiter is incredibly CUTE. It's very sweet and being women, they tend to get 'girly' over such things. But still... they should mind your feelings!)

My mom and sister laugh at me a lot. It doesn't get any easier to bear, but I'm used to it. *shrug*

After a LOT of time passes, I do look back and see how amusing my mishaps and ideas of the world can be (that happened a long time ago after all, and I've learned a bit since) although I still recall the mortification. Oh well, we live and learn, don't we? And eventually, forget and move on. I don't need my family to help me with my self-esteem because they do enough to bring it down. I work on it myself ^_^

Also, that is an awesome piece of advice there XD I think I have to write it down~ THANK YOU~! I'm pretty sure it'll come in handy next time I'm at a loss

The way I learned to interact with people, I got from books. It doesn't work 100% of the time because I know that dialogue in books aren't meant to emulate dialogue of real people, but it helped me. I think as an impressionable kid, I was learning behavioral patterns from more books than the parents or teachers XD

I say screw what the 'experts' say about too much time in front of video games, tv and movies. Sure these things aren't real life but they are a kind of exaggerated guide for the flow of a conversation, what is expected in what situation, where and how a conversation might change in an unanticipated direction. They can help you recognise humor and facial expressions in an exaggerated way. Music gives you huge clues as to the mood and feeling in a scene which you can pair with expressions and inflections in voices and body language. There is just so much scripting in it all - it's not just entertainment, it can be a learning tool if you use it that way.

Of course, I'd recommending testing out your drama-fuelled skills someplace safe first - like here! It's always good to double check if your going a bit overboard like the tv can do!

I just can't help but feel 'stupid' about the way I am. It is a bit difficult to greet people, it is harder still to keep company with people and the thing I find really difficult is knowing when to take my leave and how to do so without the 'stupid' - awkward 'I don't know how to do this' feelings that go with it!! ! Why? Why? Why is it so stupidly difficult - it just shouldn't be.

I know I've used the word stupid a lot - but that's how it feels

i just wonder off with a distracted look on my face

Had that happen just yesterday... had a plumber come out to fix a few things. As he was leaving he met one of our dogs and started chit chatting. I think I overloaded him with details since both of our dogs have allergy issues. So, after i finally stop talking ,he's petting the dog and there is an uncomfortable silence and he just up and say 'Well, bye'. and rushes out the dog.

Why do ALL conversations seem to end this way? honestly, I just do not know. Is there any way to gracefully bow out of a casual conversation with a stranger?

oh man. sometimes i for sure do the distracted look method but often times i dont try and hide it. like a week ago.....an old friend and his gf came over, and i just left as the social awkwardness and overload i feel around them is incredible for known reasons. anyway, my mom, dad, myself, and both of them were sitting around playing a board game, until i just stood up and said - "my head's not in the game...i'm gonna stop playin. gotta do what i gotta do". very very awkward. so painful. brought me down to a -8 on the wrong planet feeling-o-meter. i think the truth about me is obvious enough, so i just kinda stopped caring..or something anyway.

rarely if ever is being around my parents awkward.... but it's as if the whole social dynamic of the group subconsciously changes to suit non-understanding NTs when they're present. so. not. fair.

^^^ I hope they were understanding...

It's at times like those I find the 'little white lie' helpful. Tell them something 'socially acceptable' like 'excuse me, I need some air'... something they can relate to. That may help put them at ease and make things a little less akward.

they were to some extent, maybe..i do hear that but as an aspie though i just hate lying. only leads to more lying.....

though i think gracefully bowing out of a conversation is pretty much the same as conforming to NT standards....

gracefully bowing out of an aspie conversation = "yeah, well i gotta run" *preforms 180*

The concept of 'little white lies' was repugnant to me too. I finally just gave in to it. I'm actually curious to see if it comes up in social skills training at all...

that would be unnerving.

Steel your nerves... click below.

Little White Lies - The Prosocial Form of Deception

I kid you not.

*starts to type something, and then hits backspace. Cannot...express*


As a teenager, lying is a necessity for me. Aboslutely. My mom asks me how my day at school was, and I say "Fine." If I were to be honest I'd say no, it was sh***y, and I was laughed at and my seatmate told person who sat behind me that I obviously don't take baths. But what's the point in saying that? It'll just make things worse for me at home.
I lie because it makes things easier for me. I lie so that I won't answer any questions. I tell white lies because it's what has to be said in a situation. As it is I know little enough of what has to be said in situations, but I'd like to know more of them so that I don't botch it up next time.