We Love Esmeralda Weatherwax

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I've never had a bison burger.

I do know that "buffalo wings" are not made out of buffalo/bison LOL

I know what you mean, Esme.

Every time we spend more than a few days together, we always get into some argument.

She always tells me: "I have no toleration for stupid..."

^^^that is scary..

^^ Oh jeez, Kraftie, I'm sorry that's going on.

Bear with me in what follows because I am thinking it out as I type, more than usual, and not sure it will come out OK. It is an attempt to think through this.

:Scratch: what is weird about that statement (no tolerance, etc.) is that it's the kind of thing... forgive me... WE might say, here, when we're really frustrated that people without ASDs can't or don't invest any time trying to learn our "language" or hear what we are really saying, as opposed to hearing two syllables and assuming the rest.

It's what I say to myself when I see Dunning-Kruger all over the place (that's the Incompetence Thinks It's Superiority disease, and it's all over the place in C-suites, stock market trading floors, medical schools - it's a form of narcissism).

... I guess the next question would be what's being considered as dumb. I am not in agreement - not defending - just wondering where the disconnect is. Because this indicates a profound disconnect, a place where the lines of communication either cross or whiz right past each other. That can't always have been there... if the same area of disagreement prompts this response, that's the place to focus some thought. Major disclaimer: I've been a teacher and trained people and managed teams. No counseling chops have I. Past this point I should not go, in terms of thought sharing, because of that fact.

but ASD doesn't = dumb, it's silly that I even feel the need to state that, and intelligence takes myriad forms, it's silly that I feel any need to state that again. I know damn well that there are ASD folks in all human societies - it's a developmental mutation - so there must have been a few in her vicinity as she was growing up, even if she moved here from outside the continental US.

Also, "stupidity" may be and quite likely is a personal shorthand for something else. I often apply it to what my British colleagues called "bloody-mindedness" which was a complete unwillingness to hear what someone else had to say - a militant closed mindedness. I am furnishing that as an example, not as any veiled critique, it's the opposite in fact of what I perceive in your posts. But it does show the "connotations" of the term can be individual. The question then is what does she mean when she uses the term. (TLDR on this, I conflate stupidity with aggressive intellectual laziness. Other people will have other things they roll into it or think it signifies.)

Well, I hope all that blather makes some sense and helps in some way. It's the best I can do to articulate what my midbrain is yelling at me right now.

SMH and hoping this turns out well despite current contentions.

Aieeeeee so cute so sweet - a mental palate cleanser for all after the (necessary, I think) blorp I blorped above.

It’s really quite simple, Esme.

When she latches on to an idea or an opinion, nothing could change her mind.

She thinks I do “stupid” things, or don’t get what she desires the first time, because I don’t bother to focus.

She probably has a little PTSD because she’s gotten in car accidents. She hates to drive.

She’s also probably ADHD, and is slightly dyslexic, too.

She’s a heavy believer in “common sense.” She doesn’t believe I have any lol.

It’s hard when one can’t communicate with someone. If I try to contradict something, she’ll start screaming and sometimes curse, too. She just “doesn’t want to hear it.”

I’m sure you’ve known people like that.

@Kraftie: oh dear. I'm so sorry.

Yes I have, and I'm also old enough to have watched people become like that over time. It's like watching a slow motion train wreck, you have exactly as much power to stop the human transformation as you have to stop a 500 car freight train. Somehow, the fact that you're already there means you can't get heard. Hair-tearing frustration.

This is probably not a case for joint counseling - it's really not much use, the counselor always seems to favor one participant (not therapeutic regardless of who it is). But individual could help, you at least, if you're not already doing it. It'd be nice if she'd go for an assessment on her own too, because it could make her life so much easier, but that's not going to sit well if you suggest it now, I am certain.

Nope: no counseling for her lol

She’s really the benefactor for her family. I don’t know about “matriarch”—but maybe.

These sorts of people have massive egos.

She is very generous...and she’s really not pretentious. She would give you the shirt off her back. She just can’t say “no” to someone should they need something .

But she has no belief in the intellectual/aesthetic aspects of things.

She enjoys, most, seeking bargains in dollar stores or flea markets.

Well... much to admire there, on balance. God love you both. I hope this all turns out OK.

This thread was unfortunately brought ot my attention for the wrong reasons but I'd like to say that Esmeralda Weatherwax under their short tenure as a senior poster has always struck me as wise, considerate and very neutral in what can be an otherwise chaotic place. Kudos to them.

Oh and hi Es

I hope you’re doing well today, Esme.

In Kura news...

Well, I won't clutter up this thread with all of the craziness in my life. Except for this: there's a chance I might get to go to Comic Con.

I hope you get to go.

I hope so, too. I've got a bit of money saved, so I could buy something once I'm there.

Hi all

Been doing stuff today, now doing insomnia tonight, so checked in...

@Kura, San Diego? That's where Mr. Google tells me Comic-Con 2018 will be. I hope you can do it! That would be amazing. Have you been to San Diego before? (Would you go in costume? Who who who? ) (I wanted to do that so badly, never could. Work work work and very punitive management.)

@Kraftie: I'm good except for this insomnia thing... hitting me about every 3-4 days. Not sure what's going on there. Anyway, I hope things are OK in House Kortie. (Do you have any pets? They're a huge comfort during awkward times at home. Ask me how I know )

@TheSpectrum: Sorry that you came here in negative circumstances - but thank you for the compliment. You give me a bit more credit than I deserve, though. I can be pretty intense at times, and cement-headed, too. Am sure I have been that way here...

Oh thank God the chamomile is hitting. So I stagger off to Dreamland, hopefully.

I hope you feel as cozy as that kitty.....

Nope. No pets. We, technically, can't have pets in our apartment complex, though some people have dogs and cats.