Hatred Sucks.

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I do not understand this thread.
Not the OP and the topic per se, but the whole thread's point.

And I don't mean this in a naïve way -- it's just... Pointless.
As pointless as any online argument save for one; who is right and who is wrong.






Once upon a time, I was this little creature who dislikes that one caller. That caller had many names and many faces, with many personalities...
As for why I dislike the caller, it could be anything really. Be it how it looks or how it says things -- what matters is that caller triggered me!!

So I avoid that caller, call that caller out for saying things, accuse that caller of things I perceived to be suspicious, told the caller to stop triggering and even explicitly told that caller should not be near me or even on the same block as I do.
To the point to claim it's existence oppresses me.
And those who I resonate at that time would go hunt that caller together. Yeah it's empowering to corner that one caller and metamorphically pick it apart.
If the caller reacts badly as I had expected to react, there's gratification. If it doesn't, it just triggers.

Even if the caller had been chased away, there's this tiny little scape of a scar that reminds me of that caller. My mind says, if I prove the caller wrong, or heck if I make the caller screw up or worse, dead -- that scar will disappear.
I blame the scar for whatever screwed up things happened to me. Doesn't matter what reason, be it a bad day or having a cursed life.

And you know what? As time goes by I grew, looking back at it and...
It's just stupid. Plain stupid. And just pointless.
Just like how this thread is lead into.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

^
I tend to take people here at face value, unless they prove me wrong. I don't think I could use the forum if I had to regard everyone with suspicion.

I usually don't post at all if something triggers me - but now apparently I have to be careful that other seemingly understanding people could use those triggers against me?

You could take most people at face value here.

It's true that you are only responsible for you.

I don't seek to trigger anybody----but if I do, then I would hope we could discuss it so that I know that I triggered somebody.

I can say that my intention is definitely NOT to trigger somebody. It's a waste of my time to do so---and it's just not a nice thing to do.

Discussion is much better that subterfuge.

The way I see it, the root issue here is communication styles.

I think The Haven would benefit from a system like Reddit's where people can flag their threads indicating if they're looking for advice or support (or if they're just having a rant). If we implemented something similar, and, if someone kept offering unsolicited advice on a thread that was tagged as seeking support, then that would be a clear rule breach.

Oh, and I was the primary mod behind the decision to keep Fnord around, so certain parties are invited to stop shaking their fist at the other mods, okay?

Thank you.

I agree that we cant have one set of guidelines for just one person.It's not sustainable and is a short term measure.

That's introducing a hierarchy across the forums, safe spaces have their place, which is really only reasonable and productive short term in the aftermath of a crisis in real life.

On here though, long term it will lead to a hierarchy/tiered system, censorship and more division.

It would mean that we are no longer peers or equals.

Years ago when I wanted the Haven to have less stigma attached to it, so that it would just became a regular place to go to when in need of support, I realised its limitations. (This was in the midst of my own crisis period and the height of self diagnosis battles.)

We aren't professionals, we cant be with the person in need, we cant support them through the tougher aspects in their real lives, and sometimes for all we know they are just messing with us. (Its happened before.)
Then there is the theory of mind bit, enough said there.
We only have words to offer, not action, just words. It means for the most in need that they must seek support in real life. What we can do here is truly limited. Yes it sucks.

I go with the suggestion I gave in the peace and calm thread.
If we are interacting with people in the haven, the automatic and base level standard is being diplomatic ie not hurtful and not causing further distress to the person in need/vulnerable.

Outside of the haven it's up to each person to be responsible for their own words and actions.
If someone is regularly posting in the haven it's a good indicator that extending diplomacy to them is a good idea.
This includes the responsibility to recognise when you're posting in a vulnerable state, or that you have chosen to post about a vulnerable personal topic outside of the safety of the haven.

This is a site for autistic people and their allies, not a site just for the people on the spectrum who are currently vulnerable/in crisis.
That is why the Haven exists.

Something someone pointed out to me a long time ago is that in a public forum it's never really person A engaging with person B one on one. In a public forum everyone is involved. Even if person A is only being rude or whatever to person B, the entire forum might see it as rude or whatever and be just as offended or bothered by it as person B.

When it comes to many people having a problem with a person, it seems to me it can be boiled down to two conclusions.

Either all of them have a problem and all need to straighten out, or that person has a problem and needs to straighten out.

If a person is rubbing a bunch of people the wrong way, is it their fault they're being rubbed the wrong way, or is it that person's fault?

You seem pretty set on a concept that the majority is right.