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Dear Friends, I know that I'm not the greatest when it come to communication but, atleast I'm always trying though even though, I feel I do a terrible job of it though...


Sincerely,
ProfessorX

anyone,

i am just wondering, why is it that i keep waking up in the morning? what is left for me to do in my life? i do not see it. i am unable to make the friends i would like, to do the work i would like, to feel as healthy as i would like. i am different. i learned how i was different, and i explained it to everybody i know. it did not help. i was alone before, and i am more alone now. i wanted to believe it was a positive thing, really i did. but it's not true. it is a curse to be different. i wanted to believe all my dreams were possible. they are not. i don't see a way forward. i cannot create the change i want. i don't even know how to ask for help. only to keep it all locked inside, and to hope for a merciful end to my suffering.

Dear Ms. S_________,

You were never my teacher, but you taught one of your math classes all about me. Why did you do it? I loved my school, and I love her still. D__ is the closest thing I have had to a home since the series of events that robbed me of my childhood and wrecked havoc on my family when I was six years old. It was the only place since then that I have been free to excel, to make friends, to live a full and prosperous life. I was loyal. I hated Hawks and the changes he made as much as you did. I was on your side. Why did you tell them I have Asperger's? I lost some of my dearest friends and the band that was everything to me, but I had my good name and the respect of that community until your attack. You knew of the prejudice against people on the spectrum. Why did you tell them? I had already been stripped of almost everything else worth having. Why did you have to drag my name through the mud? My life was shattered before you made it into some kind of freak show Greek tragedy by betraying my mother's trust and destroying my reputation.

Why did you say what you did to J____? Why did you lie to her and try to drive a wedge between her and her only friend? You told her I “incapable” of caring about her and “wouldn't even come to your [J___'s] funeral if she dropped dead tomorrow.” I would die for J____. If there is any justice in this world or the next, there is a special place in Hell for people who hurt innocents like her, especially with dishonesty. Why did you do it? I will find out soon enough. I will return and confront you. When your classroom is empty, you will face the monster you seem to believe I am. I will come in alone without a visitor's pass. I will be nice. I will smile. Neurotypicals with attitudes like yours taught me to plaster a smile on my face like a rubber mask. My ability to pick up other people's emotions is limited, but I can usually see fear. If you really think I am a sociopath, I will enjoy yours. See you soon,

Sincerely,

Arminius

Dear 21 year old Dhp,

Hi. This is yourself 15 years later. Please listen, for I have a lot to say to help you. Don't worry, I'm okay. Please pay attention to me - for I have a warning to give you. Do not major in mathematics! I know you love math so much, but your desire and obsession will take over and you will have a nervous and mental breakdown in 5 years! Please, follow your heart - major in music. Teach music theory - you love theory...and you have perfect pitch; you don't have to perform anymore. You can teach theory, I know you can! Now, to deeper issues:

You have been trying to find out all of these years why are you different; I know what it is, Dhp!! There is nothing wrong with you - you are such a caring positive person who cares for others - you just have - get this...you won't believe it (drum roll) it's a mild form of autism! This is why you can't relate with others. And you are just too damed hard on yourself. You need to take it easy and pursue your dreams. Stop trying to prove that you're a genius; you're not one C'mon, your IQ is 126; the world has enough great geniuses to solve those math problems - if you try too hard, you will burn out, like I did! Please, listen to me - the pursuit of life and the meaning of it all is what best you can do to help others by doing what you love to do. You are okay as you are! Now, to deeper issues: (I hope you're not crying too badly - I know how sensitive you are, as I am crying as I write this. This is going to be hard, Dhp...please listen to me, and bear with me. This is why the insomnia, why you can't form relationships well, and the massive anxiety and depression that is to come in your life, and the constant anger - you poor thing! Why can't you just give up your math, and focus on what you love, instead of constantly putting yourself down and getting angry when it is not perfect? I know you love math, but how many math books is it going to take you to throw until you realize that even though you're okay at math, this is not your true calling? You will try to kill yourself 5 times and only end up with a BA in math, Dhp. It is not worth the agony, trust me - To only get a BA in math, and then to lose all of that knowledge, Dhp - oh, and you will lose it, dhp, in a terrible nervous breakdown that will render you in bed for three months - it is not worth it. Flowers for Algernon, anyone?

Here it is - (hugs you desperately) This is not your fault - Tina did worse to you than you think. Think back to when you were nine; ah you don't remember, do you? That fateful night...when you were doing something private, and...well...here it is...she came in, and asked you what you were doing, and well...she sexually abused you, Dhp. It's not your fault...you didn't know what was happening, Dhp! How could a mere child understand it? Please, get over your anger - let the past go. There is nothing you can do now. She is far away, and to do any harm to anyone would only make you as bad as her. Same as those 4 boys who pushed you down and then you blacked out. Who knows what they did...but it is the past. Damn it, dhp - why can't you see that you are a great man? All you do is dream of the future, when you never see who you are, and you never take reality for granted...life will pass you by, and never shall dreams correlate to the currents of the stream of existence for which you are trying to swim against, Dhp.

Yeah, what the hell do I know? I'm just you 15 years older, dhp...I made a few more mistakes than you did. Mathematics is half of the answer, dhp; however, music is your passion. What? You can't make a living in music? Bull *(*(&&*( Teach music, at least, dhp!! You are a great teacher, dhp. This is where the puzzle fits. No living in music? How do you know if you don't try? Anyways, this is a lot to take in, dhp. Just read this, and understand that you are a wonderful person who is and always will be misunderstood by others. As for the grass being greener on the other side, dhp...it never is. But clearly, math is the wrong path for you. To taste the fruit of knowledge and to throw it up in dispair and frustration to see that the taste is merely bitter is not worth it when you will lose it all. You will lose your math knowledge, dhp...and it will be almost impossible to get it back.

Anyways, I hope that you might consider what I have said. Ah - but your stubborn nature shall render the present course again; alone, miserable, working disabled with one friend, and scared to leave your house; you will be so depressed that you fight to get out of bed each day to do your mathematics, and you will work as a cashier in a tough store for which no one will care about you, dhp. Never shall you touch and understand love besides from your family, who care deeply about you, but never shall you understand love from the touch of a woman - Persephone shall walk the shores alone and never return to Hades for which you will only see yourself as, dhp - Lucifer himself to reign over his hell and wait for death to have his soul encroached below the soils of hell itself; you will only make a hell of your heaven, and never be truly grateful for what you have. Your flame had died, dhp - Telemachos (oops, you haven't read the Odyssey yet or shall I tell of his nah...too long here). I can tell you that what you have feared has come true, dhp. I, a man of 36, is an angry, lone man who screams of quiet desperation and knows not the way to redeem himself - a fallen man who complains way too much, yells at the TV, and sleeps as much as he can to escape his pain and misery; I who is scared of people and tries never to venture outside unless necessary; I, who is undeserving of any woman and merely would be a burden to her in every way; I, a loser who forgot the positive, caring nature that you presently have years ago!

You, dhp, will end up as that old man that yells at everything - a scrooge seemingly a kitten, to your wild scourges and temper fits, and no one will care. Nothing but a negative mass of cells and problems...like the rest of your perceived world that you never wanted to become in the first place. Irony is God's favorite trick. Go, myself, and save yourself, before it is too late - and you end up like me!! Study music theory, and make the world and yourself a better place! Go forth now! Let me die in my own misery and anger, dhp - you can't save me - no one can...as I can only save myself.

As ever,
dhp of the future...

Dear S_____.

I'm sorry I screwed you over. Sorry that I wasn't normal. Sorry I can't do things normal people can. I loved you more than words can say even if I had problems showing it. Now all I have left is memories. Great memories that I will treasure forever. I wish I could just play the last year of my life over and over again:(. You were the one girl ^^.

Dear i_w_b,

I have to say that it seems as if the storm is gone, and the darkness has been lifted. But as you well know you do create a lot of turmoil for yourself, and still to this day I'm not sure why. You have hanged on for all this time. I know the world cannot understand the vastness of your misery. It is a secret just between you and me. Will things get better? Will you finally be given the things you need to excel? Will you finally have something from within to rely on? The truth is, I don't know, but I will be hoping for the best.

<Me>

Dear older brother of mine,

I am at peace with you, because I am without you. I have managed to build a life where you do not need me anymore. I have managed to build a life where I can do the things I truly wish and you have no place there. You have no voice. You have no bearing. You have no role to play anymore. I have taken you out of my life, because you do not belong here. I am at peace with you. I am me.

Dear Jon,

I can't get over you. I can't "be friends". Can't you please just go away forever? I really want you to go away so I can get really upset and unhappy and grieve and then start to lose this desire. I can't stand being with you. I hide everything I feel and it's absolute toture. You've made it clear you don't want me but I still adore you. Please, please, go away.

Dear God,

I know I should show more patience especially when it comes to You granting my prayers. I have really suffered because of my lack of "luck" and it has made things really difficult for me. I know that you understand this, but I guess I just want things to get better straight away. I don't know why I was the one who was singled out, and the one who has had to face so much humiliation. Sometimes I am convinced that you hate me, and although I know I should not think these things, I just can't help it. Even after all I've been through, nothing good has come. I have suffered so much trying to do the right thing, and have got no reward. It just hurts so much. Please answer my prayers. I need all the help I can get.

<Me>

Dear WP friends I always seem to find a great amount of serenity while here and all.Well, I must say, it's time for me to log off and hope to be around again..


ProfessorX

Dear people on the Catholic Answers Forum,

I posted that I felt the call of Life in Christ for the second time in my life, and that I needed help reverting to Catholicism so that I could become a nun or sister. Your response, summarized:

1. You do not want to go to abortion protests, and therefore you are not Catholic (I posted that I didn't want to be a "political sister" who goes around protesting "war, abortion, or social injustice." I'm just not called to politics.)

2. You identify as a lesbian, and therefore you cannot be Catholic (isn't a vow of celibacy a vow of celibacy?)

3. You don't go to a Catholic college, and therefore you obviously have no commitment to the Church.

4. You just want to run away from your problems.

I am willing to become a NUN, to take vows of CELIBACY, POVERTY, CHASTITY, and OBEDIENCE to serve my Lord, and you turn me away over trifles? I offer only these words:

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back." - Luke 6:37-6:38

Dear Barker,

I don't like you. Give me R back; I miss her. Stop pretending to care about people, because I know you don't. Stop denying your soul the way you are. Don't go to that dark place; find your true self, not what society's made for you. I miss the real you, not your fake shell. Don't you remember anything? Please go somewhere where you won't hurt anyone again, and stay there until you die and are reborn. Maybe then you'll understand.

Dear classmates and teachers,

Although I do not have an official diagnosis of AS, I find that I fit many of the symptoms, thus I'm not sure if I have it or not.

1. For classmates, I wish that you would be more accepting. Just because my skirt isn't as short as yours or I don't rebond my tangle of curls doesn't make me an alien. I struggle with socializing and I wish that you would be more straightforward while talking so that I can understand what's happening. It takes me time to learn the new scripts that I use to communicate with people, but for now, I might seem rude but I really don't mean it. I wish you would not live in your little cliques and take advantage of me for your own gains. I wish you would stop making me want to cry all the time.

2. For teachers, I wish that you would ask me why I don't want to talk to my classmates before labelling me antisocial and telling my parents, who proceed to scold me for being antisocial. I want to socialize so badly, but it's very stressful for me and I fear rejection, so I shy away from it until I learn the script. Which can take a long time.

Dear Friends, I've been away from WP due to some health issues and now hope to get back from where I had left off.Anyways, I'm hoping all are doing well and so forth?

Sincerely,
ProfessorX

to my freinds on WP forums ive returned to the forums after about 5 to 6 months break last year was 1 of the worst years i could have ever had i had depression and lost a few freinds knew very well and a member of the family all dying in a space of 12 months in 2009 was a kick in the guts ah well im back in 2010 first 2 months in 2010 have been good lets hope the next 10 months will be even better

Dear Lisa,

You might as well just lay me off, and make things easier for the two of us. I will never be able to be done cleaning the parking lots, at the same time as everybody else. I still have that soft tissue injury in my left leg. I was almost your fastest employee, before that happened. Do you remember those days? I bet that you don't. I'm obviously too slow and too sensitive for you, so why don't you just set me free.

Mick