Most of my life as far back as I can remember, I have felt like -10.
It's especially funny because at certain times of my life, I was convinced I was in hell, that it couldn't possibly be any worse, yet when I look back at those times ten, twenty or thirty years later it seems I had it good then compared to later. Somehow, even though I thought I couldn't possibly ever feel any worse, I did by several orders of magnitude.
So maybe I could look at the present hell and think, maybe this isn't so bad. The only problem is, for it to not be so bad now is for me to consider that it can only not be so bad now if (as past experience has shown me) it will only get worse in the future. It cheers me to know that death will come, but then what?
OTOH, in the past year I was finally set up with the Developmental Disability branch of the local health department, and they set me up with a Regional Brokerage who assigned me a Personal Agent and hired someone to help me with daily living. Also, medical science has advanced much and is learning more since when I was younger. Perhaps some of the medical problems I have that make life more difficult for me (such as sensory overload, chronic fatigue and depression), can be eased or even eliminated in the near future with proper meds or diet changes. Who knows, I may even start thinking life is something good to be cherished instead of the whim of a sadistic evil God that would be better if it never happened and should be ended if there is any mercy.
A couple of trippy thoughts about hell:
An early episode of the original Twilight Zone (early 1960s) called "A Nice Place to Visit" has a small-time crook who kills a cop go to a place after he dies where every wish of his is granted. He gets tired of this after a month and asks his guardian what he did to deserve being in heaven.
(SPOILER ALERT) It turns out it ain't heaven, lol!
A story called "Hell's Bells" in an episode of Night Gallery (early 1970s) had a hippie die and end up in a room where an old boring guy talks, boring music is stacked high on the turntable, and a boring couple are presenting their boring vacation slides.
(SPOILER ALERT) He asks the devil when he will get to the chains, boiling oil, etc. and the devil tells him hell is never what you expect. The funniest part of this story is that the devil says the exact same room in in heaven. In other words, for the hippie, that situation is hell, but for the other people in that room, the exact same room, it is heaven for them.
_________________
"When you ride over sharps, you get flats!"--The Bicycling Guitarist, May 13, 2008
29 May 2011, 7:37 am
