Feeling hopeless (trigger warning - suicide)

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You're very bright, and very nice.

But your body thinks you're stupid; your body doesn't like to be abused like that.

I hope your body tells you it wants to heal very soon.

Does anything interfere with you learning to drive (if you haven't learned already)?

I can see the potential in your, and how you want to beat all this.

I have significant anxiety, and can easily see myself getting flustered/overwhelmed and having a meltdown while trying to drive. I also am very easily distracted by visual stimuli - I joke that I have T-rex vision because whenever there's motion, it draws my eyes. But I would very much like to be able to drive, it would significantly increase my independence.

Do your parents have objections to you learning how to drive & getting a driver's licence? Are you good with directions?



I was taught how to drive by a driving instructor who specialised in working with disabled individuals, and I took a lot of lessons until I felt I was ready to take my driving test. Maybe there is a similar service in your community; you could research it if you are interested.

My parents have no objections to me learning to drive. I'm terrible with directions, but that's something that might change if I start driving and have to start paying more attention. I think my parents said that at the place where I go for social skills class, someone had told them about something like that, and that there's a test they have to indicate whether you're ready to learn to drive or not - I think that would be very useful, but my parents didn't get enough information. I can look around and see if I can find anything about it online, and can also ask them to try to get more information from whoever they were talking with.

I’m glad you haven’t given up.

Wolfman hugs for you!

For those who have been following this thread for a while, I have a question. I've been very open and honest here about exactly how I've been doing. Do you think I should be hospitalized for my issues, or not? I'm looking for honest answers, I won't be offended or anything either way - I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know the truth. Part of me wants to avoid it at all costs, and another part thinks it might be best, and I don't know which to listen to.

I can't really tell, to be honest. I'm not actually around you in person. I am one who only believes in hospitalization in extreme situations. More so if you are harming other people in addition to yourself.

But....I do believe it might benefit you to see a psychiatrist for your self-harming tendencies. Hopefully, a medication with few side-effects will be prescribed for you. Psychiatrists usually suck in the psychotherapy department, though. So you should also obtain a psychotherapist.

I'm not harming other people (at least, not intentionally - I do feel like a burden/parasite, which would be harmful to others). Self-harming twice a day or so, and I have a suicide plan that I've been debating for a while with varying intensity.

I am seeing a psychiatrist, who gave me two new prescriptions and increased the dose of one I was already taking, but the med changes don't seem to be helping (although I know it can take a while for them to have an effect). I see him again a week from today. My mom is also going to continue making appointments for me with the therapist I've been seeing.

It would be useful for you to be proactive in therapy, I believe.

I feel like you should seek to increase your functioning, rather than tell yourself "I got a problem," and use that as a reason to tell yourself that you will "never get better."

My mother, who happens to be a psychoanalyst, has a belief that one "has a right" to have problem, and not seek a solution to it. To "indulge" in having a problem, so to speak.

I am not of that belief.

Yep, I want to find solutions, I just don't know where to start for the self-harm. I'm no longer thinking I'll never get better, but that I just haven't found the solution(s) yet. I'm the one who suggested seeing the psychologist and continuing to see my therapist (apparently my mom forgot to make another appointment and just hadn't gotten around to doing it) to my mom - she just makes the appointments because I have trouble talking on the phone. I wouldn't be doing that, or going along with the med changes, if I didn't think I could get better - instead I'd be sitting in the bathtub with a knife in my hand, bleeding out from self-inflicted wounds.

I think that it could be helpful for you to go the hospital for your depression. It may help you with your self-harm problem, since you would not have access to any weapons or instruments for you to hurt yourself with. If you are crying a lot & can not even leave your bed, then it may also be helpful.



A few years ago, I thought about going to the hospital because my depression was so severe, but my therapist did not think it was necessary. I also considered going to group therapy sessions with other patients who were having similar problems as me, but I could not find any group near me.



I am just saying that the hospital or a group program could work for you, but I also think it is best left up to you as the patient.



More big hugs.

Yeah, that's why I think hospitalization might be best. Even if I got rid of the pins and pieces of glass I've been using, I'm still left at home by myself with knives readily accessible in the kitchen five days a week, so if anything, when I finally gave in to the urge, I'd be more likely to accidentally do serious harm since I'd be using those instead. However, my depression isn't to the point that I can't get out of bed or anything. I haven't been crying much - instead I've been emotionally numb, not really feeling much of anything, good or bad, and I'm still capable of going through the motions of everyday life.

I'm not sure how useful group therapy might be for me since my social anxiety is so bad that I wouldn't be able to speak, at least for the first few sessions. I suppose it's something I could try for a while and stop if I'm not getting anywhere with it.

I'll see if I get a chance to mention it to my psychiatrist next week and have the courage to do so, and see what he thinks after I tell him the extent of my self-harm.

I'd avoid it at all costs; most doctors don't know the first thing about ASDs, I wound up treated with different, later diagnoses as a priority & I'm still climbing out of that quagmire. Keeping away from dangerous impulses is always an individual choice, hospitals take what amounts to a persecutory stance on these things, even if your concern is just for yourself, they would be likely to characterize you as dangerous towards everyone.

I guess what I'm really trying to decide is how much I should tell my psychologist/therapist, since I know hospitalization is a very real possibility if I reveal the extent of my self-harm.

I think you should be completely honest about your issues with your therapist.

And I honestly think you need help to treat the self harm thing, via hospitalization or otherwise.

May I ask, what do you think the source is of your feeling of hopelessness? It is just your unemployment situation, did all this start after a while of the job search? Or did you have a history of depression and self harm in your youth before?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 28 Nov 2017, 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.