Rants

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why the f**k do i even bother. i honestly dont know anymore. this was always a bad idea. i just want to get it over with already, its my only chance at consolation

centrelink rang today. they want to talk to my parents and they cant approve my claim until they do even though the lady said my case looks good. they said that they will only ask a few questions to make sure i dont live at home, that i am not getting money from them and that it is unreasonable for me to live at home. this will go badly. she reasured me they wont say anything about what i told them but this cant go well. i dont know if my parents will say it is unreasonable for me to live at home. they could very well say that i shouldnt be living off the dole and as an unmarried woman i should not have left. i dont know what to do. i need to make a choice- tell them its ok to call and hope things dont blow up or tell them its not ok and be outright rejected but possibly have a way out. i cant go back. i dont want to go back. i need to tell comrade about this and i dont have chocolate to make this go away because its not in my budget. maybe everything wont be okay. i need to be alone.

I just need someone to reach out to. I'm in a mental oubliette.

Everytime I feel like contributing to a discussion on these forums I close up and blank. I guess it's something like writers block.

One part of me thinks I don't deserve to be heard. That there is nothing worth being listened to from my mind. I don't think I am worthless. I just feel like a fake because no one in my life consideres me an aspie because I have hidden myself in plain sight all my life. I find it ironic that somoene who can survive through life quite easily in fact ends up with nothing as they have never lived free.

The other side of me starts thinking of the reply, runs off on a tangeant and before I finished I have rendered my point entirely pointless...

It seems I accidentally offend someone every day, even on WP.
Is this really the case, or am I just self-aware to the point of paranoia?

Fraking asshat.

Really I'd care, but go f**k yourself. It's one thing, you worry to much, get off my ass.

One day when your gone, I'll look back on this time and laugh as I'm rolling your ass in the nursing home.

more pathetic than i seem, i cant even give up properly.

Great, you are so hateful as to take it out on us for gods sake get over it we don't need your patriarchal know it all delusional b.s. - and ---- is not going to be brainwashed into your politics-obsessed-thinking. He is probably smarter than you and he knows what you're about.

The sooner I get out of here you f*****g b***h the better off it'll be.

I know I'll probably be kicked out of here eventually, f**k em.

Don't think I've let you off the hook this time. I still hate your guts.
No one insults my friendcrush. NO ONE. Got that?