Rants

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The worst part is when their stupid asses cause you to get a bad lab grade. I'm an A student and I want an A in lab, not a B or C or D...

I hate when you get hit with tirade type speeches about what you doing wrong especially when the person giving them f***s with you head on purpose.
Complain that I bought a car that only I can drive, When I go to trade it for a larger less economical one that she can drive "what are you doing" there's no problem with that car it gets grate mileage. But during the tirade [her] I don't know what you bought it for.[me] mileage [her] That's what you got the bike for [me] winter, heavy rain [her] what ever! no one here but you can drive it! One of ten thing given during the argument that when the same way in circles.
Lack of sleep, confusing arguments, over loaded at work and trying to make some side money all at the same time My mind is getting tired really fast. Cant do it, don't know how to do it, just so tired and confused.

I took an overdose, I am still here, I don't know what to do.

GO TO THE HOSPITAL!

That was last week. I am sorry, I shouldn't have even posted this. I don't want to be someone who is at that point, it isn't me.

I really hope you feel better now. I'm worried about you.

*awkward aspie hugs*

People who are independent at such early ages makes me feel very inadequate.

I know someone who's 18, lives by himself, has friends, goes to strip bars, drives, probably has a job, etc...

Myself, I'm 19, live with parents, lack any of that stuff, and sit in front of my computer all day long like the sperg I am.

Please give me a response on all this. I'm looking for input.

I lived at home with my parents until a year and half ago. It's just luck with meeting my bf that I've managed to move out.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Go to college or get a job. I know it's so scary but you must force yourself to get out there and start your journey to independence. If you don't you will never know your own worth.

At least I'm going to college when the school year starts. Getting my license very soon too.

Also my best friend (who's an NT) told me something I found quite interesting:

Independence isn't something you gain because society says you must do so by a certain age, but it's more because if your parents die, and you're not independent, you're screwed.

Tiny tiny rant...

Today I had a minor accident at home and ended up with a small hole in my leg!!

It's ok, it didn't bleed too much, I have a very high pain threshold for this sort of thing, and it's all stitched up now, and the stitches should be out in a week. I can walk ok with a stick and everything (hurts a bit if I stand on it)

But it 'urts and it's upset my equilibrium (can't stop thinking about what it looked like at the time) - it was a bit freaky!!

I'm feeling just a bit too sorry for myself...

So I keep procsratinating on WP instead of working....grrrrr.....this is annoying

I feel like throwing a projectile across the room. My mom's not feeling well, but I'm afraid to try to comfort her because I know she'll lash out at me.

emotions are all over the place. i liked it better when i was dead inside. i was really happy 7 hours ago and now im down. not depressed, just down again for no goddamn reason at all. i hope i'm better tomorrow.

yimkin la2ano ana lahaleh. bti2 bkoon lahaleh bas lama bshoof nece ana ba3rif oo a3m yihko ma3ba3doon wo ana a3m boo2f lahale oo bade e7ke ma3wn wu hene kiloon rifa2h wu mabadoon yihkoo mai la2ano ana fahdyeh. ma bijarbu yihko ma ba3doon bas byarfu. li askat mineh beya3rif- kif ana ma ba3rif?! lama bey7koo mai b7is um i-jarboo. bas um yda5aloo fiye la2anu lezim. ha2 a3laye. ra7 dal lahale la kil hayete. lezim eta3lam kif. (sorry about the text message arabic. there are just some things i'm too embarrassed to say or wont admit, even on the internet. im pretty sure its unreadable anyway.)

and sexism has been pissing me off lately so: men- i dont style my hair depending on what you freaking think. your opinion means nothing to me. if you do not like my haircut fine. if you tell me i should style my hair in such a way that it is more pleasing to you then you are deluded as to the weight of your opinion. if, after i tell you i am happy with it you keep going then you should do it at a distance. that's a warning and possibly a threat depending on how mean i feel. it is also pretty gosh darn sh!# of you to try make me feel bad about my body image to get me to conform to any of your whims because being a dude makes you right and me being not a magazine model/barbie makes me fair game. and yeah i live away from my family because i want to- was i supposed to get married first? whoops. also it makes me sick to think that my little sister has had hangups about her own body image since she was 6! what the hell is wrong with this world: how is it a 6 year old can feel like there is something wrong with her body and this personal view be encouraged?!

I'm kind of depressed right now. I typed this up so I figure I might as well share how I feel right now.

...

Last edited by SpiritBlooms on 09 Jul 2012, 7:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's not all about the diagnosis. Different people mature at different ages. Everybody has a different nature.

When I was 19 I was living with my first husband (the abusive criminal) in an apartment that I paid for by working. It really sucked. After the divorce I moved back home and lived there until I was 21 when I met my now husband and we moved out of state for a year. I was glad to move back home, and there is nothing wrong with that.

My 18 yo NT daughter still lives at home. She's beautiful, popular, polite, social etc. She is the epitome of NT. However she doesn't drive, she is afraid to learn how but she is going to soon because she has to. Her fiance lives with her but she still asks me or her dad before she goes anywhere. She checks in and lets us know when she will be back. She still sleeps with her teddy bear from when she was little.

Strip clubs are overrated. Trust me. I used to waitress in one.

I used to be afraid of trying to do things, etc too. Eventually one of my best friends told me this. "You are going to die either way, had you rather die at 85 after having fun and lots of experiences or at 85 after living a boring life?" Now, at the time it depressed me because I didn't know how to go out and have those experiences. It's not that hard to learn though. Jump in with both feet. Commit to it, but also commit to doing whatever it is, safely. Don't make the newbie mistake of thinking you are invincable. Thats how I got ran over by a car and left in Phenix City Ga by my ex husband. I wasn't hurt bad, it was only a VW bug.

But honestly, you can try what I did. Make a list of what you want to experience. Then plan out how to experience it. I've done so many things I never thought I would have done that way. Learn to talk a good game too, because that way nobody knows that you don't know what you're doing. Thats how I got the private detective job that time and I loved it and would still be doing it if the company hadn't closed when the owner ran for tax assessor (and lost). That's an example right there. I had never thought about doing that for a living but one morning I was watching Magnum PI reruns on tv and thought "I want to do that, be a PI" so I got the phone book and started making calls. I called the companies and talked t them. I found one that wanted to interview me so I went and I got the job. I look harmless so it worked out great. I'm not saying be a PI, I'm saying just find something you want to do, on a whim, and jump in with both feet.

Get social experience too. I sucked big time at that. One of the best ways I learned to socialize was this yearly party I used to give (early 80s) when Van Halen came to town. It became legendary among my friends. I'd rent a hotel suite on the club floor of the good hotel by the civic center (the band didn't even stay on this floor) and get liqour and food and invite everybody I knew or wanted to know. Eventually they all started coming. The first year sucked, it was me and about four friends and I had to be home before morning.

Another thing is, just fake it. I've always liked writing and wanted to do it for a living so I called some local newspapers when we lived in Bham and got them to give me a chance for Op-Ed. I wrote for free for a month then I got hired. I've interviewed Ted Nugent and Ellen Degeneras for them, I've also written pieces for magazines. The point of this is not to brag, it's to explain that I had no clue what I was doing but I wanted to try it, thought I could do it and so I just faked it and did it.

Faking things is important. We aren't wired to naturally do certain things. Of course you will be afraid. It's normal. I was afraid over the smallest things. I still remember, to this day, laying in a hotel room with my ex husband, trying to get to sleep, on the night after I had rented our first apartment. I was terrified of that commitment. What would happen if I couldn't pay it, etc? Oddly enough this song came on that expressed it perfectly. It did not make me feel better. What made me feel better was paying the rent every month. Eventually I realized that I could do it.

There is no school for real life. There is no preperation. Nobody tells us how to do it, but NT's seem to get it naturally. We have to push ourselves. Sometimes it doesn't work out but then sometimes it does.

Please do not beat yourself up over this. 19 is perfectly normal to be in your situation. However, push yourself to get out of it. Force yourself to do things. You will fail at first. Get used to that idea. If you succeed at first, count yourself lucky. But be ready to get knocked around some by life until you get with the program with it. You can do it. If I did it, you certainly can.

Good luck! For real. I'm pulling for you.