Feeling hopeless (trigger warning - suicide)

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I'm really just toying with the ideas right now, not feeling like I'm going to act on them (at least, not tonight). I might give the suicide prevention hotline online chat a try again, although I'm kind of afraid they might try to get me to a hospital, which I don't want to do to my parents all of a sudden. If there's something specific that triggered this, I can't figure out what it was. In fact, a very good thing happened today - my service dog passed his graduation test and is officially no longer in training. I should be happy. I don't know why I'm not.

I agree with 300series that is scary when do make a comment like that. I do wonder as well if something else made you depressed. It's great that your service dog was successful in it's training!

The_Face_of_Boo suggestion sounds like a good idea, I thought about concentrating more on doing that instead of trying so hard to find a job. With sensory issues and anxiety getting a job is really hard, if I work more on household chores I would probably feel better about myself. I say it's worth giving a try!

Surely there's something that triggered it, but I can't think what it might be. Yep, tomorrow I think I'm going to rake leaves - get something done and get some exercise.

And there's usually at least a part of me that doesn't really want to die, and also finds it scary when I think these things

I am glad that you have a plan for tomorrow, which may help you a little bit, but I am still really scared that you will kill yourself. I would feel terrible if you were gone.



A few years ago, my Dad recommended a web site for me which may work for you. It is called 7cups.com. It is a web site where you can type messages to someone about how you are feeling, and a volunteer will help you with your problems. It is like talking on the telephone, but someone writes back to you right away. It is a free service, and they may be able to refer you to a good therapist in your area. I used it a few times, and I found it helpful. You could try it if you are interested.

Honestly, I'm kind of scared that I might do it, too. I think it's 7 Cups that I've checkedout before, and was just a free trial that wanted credit card information probably so they can charge you automatically if you don't remember to cancel it as soon as the free trial is over (so says my mom about things that want credit card info up front, anyway). But if nothing else, if I feel like I'm in danger tonight or don't feel better tomorrow, I'll try the online chat thing again.

I checked out 7 Cups, and they want me to tell them I'm not suicidal, which I can't honestly do right now. Then I tried the suicide prevention online chat thing, but while I was waiting in line, decided I really don't want to talk about this with a stranger right now. So I guess for tonight, I'll just go to bed, half wishing I wouldn't wake up Maybe I'll end up feeling better after getting some sleep.

Hi, just wanted to say that I'm still feeling pretty depressed and thinking about suicide, but I'm still alive, and don't plan on changing that today. I think I'll try to hold on until my psychiatrist appointment on Tuesday, at least.

I tried the online chat thing, but it took up a lot of my phone's battery for some reason, so even though it was plugged in, the battery died partway through I hope I didn't just get myself into even more of a mess.

How are the chores going?
I am thinking you could make this into a business one day.
If it works for you that is.
I find it helps me too some days.

I haven't done any yet. I'm planning on raking in a bit (our neighbor's oak tree has been dropping a ton of leaves - instead of snow drifts, we have leaf drifts from it And we don't even have any trees in our front yard). I expect the exercise, feeling of accomplishment, and distraction will all be good for me. I've seen a bunch of job postings for house cleaning services - the only thing is that they all require you to have a driver's license so you can drive from place to place. It is something to keep in mind, though, if I find that cleaning is really good for me.

I am sorry for the late reply; I over-slept today because I had trouble sleeping last night. I was thinking about you all night, and I was really scared & worried about you because I thought you may not make it thru the night.



I am sorry that 7cups.com did not work for you. I did not know anything about their policy about telling them that you are not suicidal, or that they need your credit card in order to use it. I only used it once a few years ago.



I hope that your exercise & chores make you feel better. I wish the online suicide chat was more effective for you.



More big hugs.

I'm sorry I interfered with your sleep. Yeah, I figured the first thing I should do when I woke up this morning was post here letting everyone know that I hadn't done serious harm to myself. The thoughts are pretty strong, but I'm going to try to hang on at least until Tuesday in hopes that we might get somewhere during my appointment. I've also got an appointment with the therapist I've been seeing a week from today. Considering how I was last night, maybe I should pack a bag beforehand in case I'm hospitalized At least for the time being, though, the part of me that doesn't want to die is strong enough that I'd probably call 911 if I really thought I was about to do something drastic. I'm not really in a good place now, but I don't think I'm in any immediate danger.

Yeah, underneath the username and email thing, it says something about not being in crisis, homicidal, or suicidal. When I tried it before, they said they wanted credit card information, saying something about proving I was serious about it. I'm waiting for my mom to get home from work so she can watch my dog while I rake, since our front yard has no fence.

Well, I was only able to do about half an hour of raking and picking up leaves before I got too achy and shaky to keep going. It didn't seem to help much while I was doing it, because it didn't really occupy my mind, but now my muscles feel warm and tired - too tired to really want to bother with self-harm, just wanting to rest. That's something, at least.

I would say that half an hour is good going if you are not used to it.
It is a great start.

Yeah, I'm not used to any exercise besides walking. Based on the way my muscles feel, I'm thinking it was a good amount.